711 Running into a former student and getting to catch up
712 holding her little son while he slept through a soccer game
713 getting together with my Sunday school class for a Saturday night cookout
714 impromptu plans with friends
715 hearing someone tell about how and where God is leading them
716 a great Sunday school lesson
717 a great sermon
718 an amazing conversation with a student athlete about life
719 hearing someone talk about their passions and how God is using them
720 cheeseburger pizza, thank you Jamie
721 a short but good dinner with friends
722 standing out in the rain under an umbrella talking
723 peace
724 Godly single men
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sweet Spot
I am a planner. I have always been a planner. It has always been important to know what is coming next, to have time to prepare, both physically and emotionally.
I make itineraries, planning unplanned time into the plan.
I can't remember not being this way.
When I moved here to West Kentucky, I came without a plan. It was strange and weird for me, but I knew it was where I was suppose to be.
Throughout the years, various and assorted people have asked "how long are you going to stay here?" or "when do you think you will move on from here?"
As hard as it has been for this planner heart, I have always said "I will know when it's time."
Being here hasn't always been easy. Actually being here has never been easy. It has been downright miserable at times.
But I knew it wasn't time to go yet.
Recently I have felt God's nudging to step out in faith. Not just in one area of my life, but in several.
I know that the plan is for change. I just don't know what exactly that change is. I also know quite clearly that I am not the plan maker.
One step was to start a small group with some amazing sisters, 4 of them, all recent college grads, trying to find their way as they walk with God, without a road map. We have started meeting once a week to study His Word, and pray for each other, and hold each other accountable.
Last night we were talking about how exactly you know when God is calling for major changes in your life. Like how do you know when it's time for a new job? Or to sell your house and move into an apartment? Sometimes it can be really intimidating and scary. Some people become paralyzed by it.
As we were talking I remembered an experience I had years ago at one of my favorite favorite places.
I had this camper in my cabin, and on her medical form it said she was a "sleep runner." Interesting I thought, and that night as I put the girls to bed, I made sure to latch the door shut.
I was awoken sometime in the middle of the night, and sure enough there was my camper, running down a trail in the dark.
And I was running after her, with a flashlight, trying not to stumble and fall. It's really dark in those woods at night, especially if it's not a full moon. The tree coverage is dense. You can hardly see your hand in front of your face. There are roots and rocks and bends in the trail all over the place. It's easy to trip and fall in broad daylight. It's really hard to not trip and fall in the middle of the night. The flashlight gave just enough light to see my next step, each next step. The trail 10 feet ahead was not in view.
As I was running I remembered Psalm 119:105, and the old song that quotes it.
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and light unto my path."
That is when it hit me, chasing after sleep runner.
It's a light to my feet, illuminating what is directly in front of me, keeping me from falling flat on my face.
It doesn't say "Thy Word is a road map to the rest of your life, complete with symbols and a key."
Lately there has been a lot of asking and telling about major changes on the horizon in my life, and I keep saying "I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, and trusting that He has a plan." This is not an easy thing for me to say, and it is not an easy thing for me to do. But it is good, and it is right, and I feel like I'm in my sweet spot.
You know, when you hit a baseball on the exact right spot of the bat, with the exact right timing, and even if you aren't swinging for the fences, the ball is sailing towards the fences, because everything fell into place, just as it was suppose to.
I'm not playing baseball, but I am walking forward, and I am trusting God, and I don't understand a lot of what is going on, and I couldn't tell you what things will look like a month from now, or a year from now. But I do know that I am headed in the right direction, as little logical sense as it makes.
I make itineraries, planning unplanned time into the plan.
I can't remember not being this way.
When I moved here to West Kentucky, I came without a plan. It was strange and weird for me, but I knew it was where I was suppose to be.
Throughout the years, various and assorted people have asked "how long are you going to stay here?" or "when do you think you will move on from here?"
As hard as it has been for this planner heart, I have always said "I will know when it's time."
Being here hasn't always been easy. Actually being here has never been easy. It has been downright miserable at times.
But I knew it wasn't time to go yet.
Recently I have felt God's nudging to step out in faith. Not just in one area of my life, but in several.
I know that the plan is for change. I just don't know what exactly that change is. I also know quite clearly that I am not the plan maker.
One step was to start a small group with some amazing sisters, 4 of them, all recent college grads, trying to find their way as they walk with God, without a road map. We have started meeting once a week to study His Word, and pray for each other, and hold each other accountable.
Last night we were talking about how exactly you know when God is calling for major changes in your life. Like how do you know when it's time for a new job? Or to sell your house and move into an apartment? Sometimes it can be really intimidating and scary. Some people become paralyzed by it.
As we were talking I remembered an experience I had years ago at one of my favorite favorite places.
I had this camper in my cabin, and on her medical form it said she was a "sleep runner." Interesting I thought, and that night as I put the girls to bed, I made sure to latch the door shut.
I was awoken sometime in the middle of the night, and sure enough there was my camper, running down a trail in the dark.
And I was running after her, with a flashlight, trying not to stumble and fall. It's really dark in those woods at night, especially if it's not a full moon. The tree coverage is dense. You can hardly see your hand in front of your face. There are roots and rocks and bends in the trail all over the place. It's easy to trip and fall in broad daylight. It's really hard to not trip and fall in the middle of the night. The flashlight gave just enough light to see my next step, each next step. The trail 10 feet ahead was not in view.
As I was running I remembered Psalm 119:105, and the old song that quotes it.
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and light unto my path."
That is when it hit me, chasing after sleep runner.
It's a light to my feet, illuminating what is directly in front of me, keeping me from falling flat on my face.
It doesn't say "Thy Word is a road map to the rest of your life, complete with symbols and a key."
Lately there has been a lot of asking and telling about major changes on the horizon in my life, and I keep saying "I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, and trusting that He has a plan." This is not an easy thing for me to say, and it is not an easy thing for me to do. But it is good, and it is right, and I feel like I'm in my sweet spot.
You know, when you hit a baseball on the exact right spot of the bat, with the exact right timing, and even if you aren't swinging for the fences, the ball is sailing towards the fences, because everything fell into place, just as it was suppose to.
I'm not playing baseball, but I am walking forward, and I am trusting God, and I don't understand a lot of what is going on, and I couldn't tell you what things will look like a month from now, or a year from now. But I do know that I am headed in the right direction, as little logical sense as it makes.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thankful Thursday 9/22/2011
694 a great time with friends I don't see often anymore
695 direction
696 reconnecting with an old friend
697 possibilities
698 a really fun football game
699 the old people dancing in the stands
700 celebrating a friend's upcoming marriage
701 watching people who are good at their job, excel at it
702 the athletes that always seem to be bringing me another great youtube video
703 remembering the important things about my job, and making them my priority
704 encouragement from friends
705 a new opportunity for Bible study
706 a group of young women who are excited about getting together
707 stumbleupon
708 talking to my Nana on the phone, finally after many failed attempts
709 the class I'm teaching this semester
710 being able to save all the files on my 16G jump/thumb/flash drive that stopped working
695 direction
696 reconnecting with an old friend
697 possibilities
698 a really fun football game
699 the old people dancing in the stands
700 celebrating a friend's upcoming marriage
701 watching people who are good at their job, excel at it
702 the athletes that always seem to be bringing me another great youtube video
703 remembering the important things about my job, and making them my priority
704 encouragement from friends
705 a new opportunity for Bible study
706 a group of young women who are excited about getting together
707 stumbleupon
708 talking to my Nana on the phone, finally after many failed attempts
709 the class I'm teaching this semester
710 being able to save all the files on my 16G jump/thumb/flash drive that stopped working
Monday, September 19, 2011
Some youtube videos
Because it's Monday, and Monday of all days is one that needs a few good laughs, here are my favorite youtube videos from last week.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a great appreciation for a good youtube video.
1. Anything Ben Crane
This of course is the original. Ben Crane was known as a very serious personality on the PGA tour before this was released. He now has several other videos. Checkout the one titled On Pre Round for giggles too.
2. The dancing prisoners.
My friend Sarah introduced me to these Filipino prisoners last Monday, I have since become addicted.
They do monthly performances which are open to the public. If I lived in the Philippines I would so go.
3. BBC talking animals
There are tons of them, they are all funny.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a great appreciation for a good youtube video.
1. Anything Ben Crane
This of course is the original. Ben Crane was known as a very serious personality on the PGA tour before this was released. He now has several other videos. Checkout the one titled On Pre Round for giggles too.
2. The dancing prisoners.
My friend Sarah introduced me to these Filipino prisoners last Monday, I have since become addicted.
They do monthly performances which are open to the public. If I lived in the Philippines I would so go.
3. BBC talking animals
There are tons of them, they are all funny.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Fictive Families
The other day I was on the phone with Arwen, when she made an incredible insight on my life.
She has been doing a lot of training for her job lately and she came across the term "fictive family" also known as "fictive kin"
Fictive family or kin is a grouping of people who are not related to each other biologically or through marriage, but act as though they are.
For example, when Arwen and her husband have children, they will know me as Auntie Cate, the same term my niece and nephew use for me. It will not be till Arwen's kids are a little older that they will understand that I am not actually their aunt, but am rather a close friend of their parents.
Everywhere I have ever lived, until I moved to Kentucky, I have been in places where fictive family is incredibly common.
In the Middle East where I grew up, no one had their actual biological grandparents or aunts and uncles around, so other people, friends of my parents, fit into that role. It wasn't a conscious decision, it just kind of happened. I didn't spend holidays like Christmas or Easter with biological aunts, uncles, and cousins. I did however spend them with close friends of my parents.
In New England it is also very common to form fictive families.
Though my Aunt and Uncle lived just an hour from school, it was not uncommon for me to have several different options for any given holiday or long weekend if I wasn't going to their house.
My freshman year, I went home to northern NH with my friend Ty for spring break.
During that trip it was as if I was melded into her family. Later on, after Ty transferred to chiropractic school, I would sometimes call her when she was at her parent's house, her dad would answer the phone and we would talk for a good 15 minutes or more before Ty would demand the phone from him.
Then there is my camp family, the people I worked with in the White Mountains for 2 summers, and worked church retreats on weekends frequently in the winter with. They are part of my family too, as protective of me as my own brothers, they are the sisters I never had.
When I go to New England in the summer to visit, I visit my family, and I visit my friends, and I also visit my friends' families, because the reality is that in some ways, they are just as much my family, as my real family.
This fictive family is what I have really been missing here. The Easter celebrations with a mesh of people who don't look like they belong together, but do. The protective fathers and brothers, who protect you, as they protect their own daughters and sisters. I miss the older brothers who take you snowmobiling and go slower than they normally would because they know you are on the back and don't want to freak you out. I miss the sisters and moms, who laugh as they introduce you to the art of milking cows, and explain that it's okay to drink it without pasteurization. I miss the cousins who help you break into a locked room through a window to save the wedding dress, in pajamas, all while laughing so hard you are crying.
And just as these people have been fictive family to me, my family has been fictive family to others, inviting bachelors over to be a part of family dinners, making sure the grandparents with no kids or grandchildren around joined us for holidays. My mom is a notorious source of advice. I can't tell you how many times people have said "Cate I'm buying a new sewing machine, can I have your mom's number to talk to her?" or "Cate can I talk to your mom about how she handled... when you guys were kids?"
Arwen often says "I'll come pick you up at Brenda's, I want to see her anyway." My Aunt will often inquire about Arwen. They have become fictive family.
In Kentucky the biological family is an incredibly strong force, and that is not a bad thing, but it is much less common for people to invite outsiders into that unit.
I am thankful for this insight, a name to something I have been trying to explain for some time.
She has been doing a lot of training for her job lately and she came across the term "fictive family" also known as "fictive kin"
Fictive family or kin is a grouping of people who are not related to each other biologically or through marriage, but act as though they are.
For example, when Arwen and her husband have children, they will know me as Auntie Cate, the same term my niece and nephew use for me. It will not be till Arwen's kids are a little older that they will understand that I am not actually their aunt, but am rather a close friend of their parents.
Everywhere I have ever lived, until I moved to Kentucky, I have been in places where fictive family is incredibly common.
In the Middle East where I grew up, no one had their actual biological grandparents or aunts and uncles around, so other people, friends of my parents, fit into that role. It wasn't a conscious decision, it just kind of happened. I didn't spend holidays like Christmas or Easter with biological aunts, uncles, and cousins. I did however spend them with close friends of my parents.
In New England it is also very common to form fictive families.
Though my Aunt and Uncle lived just an hour from school, it was not uncommon for me to have several different options for any given holiday or long weekend if I wasn't going to their house.
My freshman year, I went home to northern NH with my friend Ty for spring break.
During that trip it was as if I was melded into her family. Later on, after Ty transferred to chiropractic school, I would sometimes call her when she was at her parent's house, her dad would answer the phone and we would talk for a good 15 minutes or more before Ty would demand the phone from him.
Then there is my camp family, the people I worked with in the White Mountains for 2 summers, and worked church retreats on weekends frequently in the winter with. They are part of my family too, as protective of me as my own brothers, they are the sisters I never had.
When I go to New England in the summer to visit, I visit my family, and I visit my friends, and I also visit my friends' families, because the reality is that in some ways, they are just as much my family, as my real family.
This fictive family is what I have really been missing here. The Easter celebrations with a mesh of people who don't look like they belong together, but do. The protective fathers and brothers, who protect you, as they protect their own daughters and sisters. I miss the older brothers who take you snowmobiling and go slower than they normally would because they know you are on the back and don't want to freak you out. I miss the sisters and moms, who laugh as they introduce you to the art of milking cows, and explain that it's okay to drink it without pasteurization. I miss the cousins who help you break into a locked room through a window to save the wedding dress, in pajamas, all while laughing so hard you are crying.
And just as these people have been fictive family to me, my family has been fictive family to others, inviting bachelors over to be a part of family dinners, making sure the grandparents with no kids or grandchildren around joined us for holidays. My mom is a notorious source of advice. I can't tell you how many times people have said "Cate I'm buying a new sewing machine, can I have your mom's number to talk to her?" or "Cate can I talk to your mom about how she handled... when you guys were kids?"
Arwen often says "I'll come pick you up at Brenda's, I want to see her anyway." My Aunt will often inquire about Arwen. They have become fictive family.
In Kentucky the biological family is an incredibly strong force, and that is not a bad thing, but it is much less common for people to invite outsiders into that unit.
I am thankful for this insight, a name to something I have been trying to explain for some time.
Friday, September 16, 2011
The Fly Saga Continues
Back in 2009 I wrote about the Dinosaurus fly we had. It was parading around my office until my coworker decided to put up fly paper.
Well the saga has continued. This summer we had "fly mansions" installed in the offices. All told about 20 some odd flies lost their lives in the sticky glue.
This week, the fly saga reached a level few if any have ever attained, with the arrival of the small bird.
That picture doesn't really do it justice.
Then it started flying around, it wasn't very fast, thankfully. The room was filled with one of our womens teams, they quickly cleared out into the hallway.
Thankfully one of our staff members was able to kill the fly.
We took this picture.
Yes that is a quarter.
Then we held a memorial service, because I mean seriously, a dead fly that big needs to be acknowledged.
And so the saga continues...
Well the saga has continued. This summer we had "fly mansions" installed in the offices. All told about 20 some odd flies lost their lives in the sticky glue.
This week, the fly saga reached a level few if any have ever attained, with the arrival of the small bird.
That picture doesn't really do it justice.
Then it started flying around, it wasn't very fast, thankfully. The room was filled with one of our womens teams, they quickly cleared out into the hallway.
Thankfully one of our staff members was able to kill the fly.
We took this picture.
Yes that is a quarter.
Then we held a memorial service, because I mean seriously, a dead fly that big needs to be acknowledged.
And so the saga continues...
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Thankful Thursday
675 the section of Bible I happen to be reading lining up with the circumstances of my life
676 reading a book that gave clarity to me
677 supportive family
678 an amazing dinner
679 a good nap
680 collective worship at church
681 communion
682 Burger King, the only business in my small town that remembered to lower their flag for the 10 year anniversary of 9/11
683 The reminder that we have been given SO much as American citizens
684 good communication
685 my small but awesome fictive family here (more on that later)
686 awesome lyrics in my head
687 hilarious videos
688 giving gifts
689 the first non-hectic day since students got back to campus
690 rain and the cooler weather it brought
691 time to accomplish things around my house
692 a plan to handle the things I can while I wait on His plans for my life
693 remembering a friend who passed away several years ago today
676 reading a book that gave clarity to me
677 supportive family
678 an amazing dinner
679 a good nap
680 collective worship at church
681 communion
682 Burger King, the only business in my small town that remembered to lower their flag for the 10 year anniversary of 9/11
683 The reminder that we have been given SO much as American citizens
684 good communication
685 my small but awesome fictive family here (more on that later)
686 awesome lyrics in my head
687 hilarious videos
688 giving gifts
689 the first non-hectic day since students got back to campus
690 rain and the cooler weather it brought
691 time to accomplish things around my house
692 a plan to handle the things I can while I wait on His plans for my life
693 remembering a friend who passed away several years ago today
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Anne Lamott- Traveling Mercies
The other day I made a quick pit stop on my very rushed lunch break. I ran into the library to grab a book to read. I didn't have much time, so when Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies caught my eye, I grabbed it. I left it in my car.
The next day, my plans for the day were completely rearranged when a student athlete needed immediate medical attention.
I spent most of the day sitting in the ER, and on our way in, I grabbed the book to take with me.
As I was reading, I came across the following section.
"Pammy and I basked in Lee's love like lizards on sunny rocks. Lee lay beside me in bed when I couldn't sleep and whispered the Twenty-third Psalm to me: "'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want' - I am not wanting for anything, Annie. Let's find a green pasture inside us to rest in. Let's find the still waters within." She'd lay beside me quietly for a while as we listened to the tide of the lagoon lap against the dock. Then she'd go on: "'Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,' Annie, not 'Yea, as I end up living forever in the valley…'" And she prayed for the Good Shepherd to gather my thoughts like sheep. I did not quite believe in the power of her Mother-Father God, because my frightened lamby thoughts seemed to be stampeding toward a wall, piling up on each other's backs, bleating plaintively while their wild eyes darted around frantically. But I believed in Lee, and I felt her arms around me… and Lee would whisper me to sleep"
While I don't necessarily completely agree with all of Lamott's theology, the book is the story of her journey towards Christianity, and this section is recalling an experience she had as a child spending the night at a friend's whose' family was Christian Science.
The words really resonated in my life. It is easy, while in a set of circumstances to forget that those circumstances are temporary, and that we are not alone.
The 23rd Psalm goes on to say, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me."
It's a part of scripture I know well. I memorized it for $1 when I was in 4th grade, the year when our lives were in total upheaval. It was the year Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait, the year we spent half living in my grandparents' house, half living in our own. It was the year that we went to public school in America and didn't come home for lunch. The year my dad was at home working, and my mom was with us in safety. It was the year we heard on the radio that a scud missile had landed on a warehouse, just behind our favorite pizza place and Baskin Robins, killing lots of troops.
And even then He was with us, and even now as I walk through this life, wondering where He is leading, He is with me.
The next day, my plans for the day were completely rearranged when a student athlete needed immediate medical attention.
I spent most of the day sitting in the ER, and on our way in, I grabbed the book to take with me.
As I was reading, I came across the following section.
"Pammy and I basked in Lee's love like lizards on sunny rocks. Lee lay beside me in bed when I couldn't sleep and whispered the Twenty-third Psalm to me: "'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want' - I am not wanting for anything, Annie. Let's find a green pasture inside us to rest in. Let's find the still waters within." She'd lay beside me quietly for a while as we listened to the tide of the lagoon lap against the dock. Then she'd go on: "'Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,' Annie, not 'Yea, as I end up living forever in the valley…'" And she prayed for the Good Shepherd to gather my thoughts like sheep. I did not quite believe in the power of her Mother-Father God, because my frightened lamby thoughts seemed to be stampeding toward a wall, piling up on each other's backs, bleating plaintively while their wild eyes darted around frantically. But I believed in Lee, and I felt her arms around me… and Lee would whisper me to sleep"
While I don't necessarily completely agree with all of Lamott's theology, the book is the story of her journey towards Christianity, and this section is recalling an experience she had as a child spending the night at a friend's whose' family was Christian Science.
The words really resonated in my life. It is easy, while in a set of circumstances to forget that those circumstances are temporary, and that we are not alone.
The 23rd Psalm goes on to say, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me."
It's a part of scripture I know well. I memorized it for $1 when I was in 4th grade, the year when our lives were in total upheaval. It was the year Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait, the year we spent half living in my grandparents' house, half living in our own. It was the year that we went to public school in America and didn't come home for lunch. The year my dad was at home working, and my mom was with us in safety. It was the year we heard on the radio that a scud missile had landed on a warehouse, just behind our favorite pizza place and Baskin Robins, killing lots of troops.
And even then He was with us, and even now as I walk through this life, wondering where He is leading, He is with me.
Friday, September 09, 2011
Thankful Thursday
660 clarity
661 a great conversation
662 God using me
663 a friend lending me her sewing machine
664 getting a lot of sewing projects done
665 a sense of accomplishment
666 a weekend off
667 hanging out with coworkers
668 watching football
669 Chip Kelly makes me laugh
670 delicious morning coffee
671 the lady at cracker barrel clipping the nails, wow.
672 the racer shuffle video
673 getting back into a normal running schedule
674 a long weekend entirely off from work
661 a great conversation
662 God using me
663 a friend lending me her sewing machine
664 getting a lot of sewing projects done
665 a sense of accomplishment
666 a weekend off
667 hanging out with coworkers
668 watching football
669 Chip Kelly makes me laugh
670 delicious morning coffee
671 the lady at cracker barrel clipping the nails, wow.
672 the racer shuffle video
673 getting back into a normal running schedule
674 a long weekend entirely off from work
Friday, September 02, 2011
The Bicycle Horn
Yesterday I went to visit a friend who had just recently gone through major surgery. She is in a lot of pain, and having to be cared for by others constantly.
For this self sufficient, independent, confident single woman, this has been difficult, and will continue to be difficult for a few more weeks.
Of course this brought us to the topic of community, and how it's at times like this that you realize who your true friends are, who your true community is. Who are the people who will be there for you when you call frantically to tell that you have less than a week to prepare for major surgery? Who are the people who will have those hard conversations with you? You know, like what you would want if something went wrong in surgery? Would you want your organs donated?
She had the conversation with her friend. Then she went into surgery, knowing it was not good, and then it was worse than she thought it was going to be.
Her first night home from the hospital, she needed help, her friend (and her friend's husband) were asleep in another room and couldn't hear her. The next day they went out and bought her one of those really loud bicycle horns, and put it by her bed, they didn't want her to have to be in that situation again.
Everyone who has come by to visit her has signed the horn, a physical representation of her community, coming together in her time of need, to answer her calls for help.
I think this is a great representation of how the body of Christ should work.
This past Sunday, my pastor preached about community. He talked about the Romanian orphanages during communism, how there were basically warehouses of kids with only their basic physiological needs met, food and water. They had no interactions with people, and they had failure to thrive.
He talked about how we as Christians need interaction with people, that we need to be connected to people. That spiritually we will fail to thrive if we don't.
There are times when I've pondered this exact set of circumstances my friend finds herself in. Living far from family, I have wondered who would come to be with me at the hospital, were I in a similar situation. I was once in a small group, thinking that I had connected, and then after a series of events realized that they wouldn't be there for me. I had given and given and given, but when some small but significant needs in my life arouse, I blew my bicycle horn. The problem was that no one was listening, they heard, they just didn't acknowledge. It's like they heard the horn in the middle of my night, and turned over and went back to sleep. Because they ignored the call, they didn't have to address the clearly communicated need.
I am fully aware that ultimately no person or group of people can meet all the needs in my life. And there are some needs that can only be fulfilled by our Lord. But Jesus calls us to be His hands and His feet to a dying world, we have to start by being His hands and feet to those around us.
Sometimes it's a lot easier to worry about the dying orphans in some far off land and throw money at them than to roll up our sleeves and get our hands and feet dirty with and for the people who are physically present in our lives.
Being in that small group was a very difficult time in my life, and I hung on to those facades of relationship longer than I should have, because I really wanted to be part of that community, and because I didn't really have any other community here. Eventually I chose to move on, they simply didn't have space for me. They were very quick to ask me to give physically and emotionally on a regular basis, but completely unwilling to allow me to receive when I was in need.
I have since found healthy community elsewhere, but I remember that time and think about it sometimes because I don't want to go through it again, and I don't want others to go through it, especially if there is a way I can prevent it.
I've seen Christians fail to thrive, because they lacked community, or were in destructive community.
Community, healthy community at least, takes time to develop, it doesn't happen overnight. It also takes effort, spending time with people, helping them through hard circumstances, being vulnerable yourself. Being in community is not always nice and clean and pretty. We are human, it's just part of the deal.
For me, it's much easier to hear other people blowing their bicycle horn and respond than it is for me to pick up the horn and blow it myself. Being vulnerable and expressing need is not something that comes easy to me. Having been through that experience has made it harder for me to be vulnerable. I have had to force myself to connect with people. It has at times left me wondering "is this going to turn out like it did last time?"
The more I have thought about this over the week, the more I have realized, that each of us has to be willing to both blow our bicycle horn when we are in need, and get out of bed when someone else is blowing theirs and respond to the need. That is the only way true community can be established. And each time we respond to the needs of others, we sign their horn, a stamp on their life that God is still faithful, that He provides through His people.
For this self sufficient, independent, confident single woman, this has been difficult, and will continue to be difficult for a few more weeks.
Of course this brought us to the topic of community, and how it's at times like this that you realize who your true friends are, who your true community is. Who are the people who will be there for you when you call frantically to tell that you have less than a week to prepare for major surgery? Who are the people who will have those hard conversations with you? You know, like what you would want if something went wrong in surgery? Would you want your organs donated?
She had the conversation with her friend. Then she went into surgery, knowing it was not good, and then it was worse than she thought it was going to be.
Her first night home from the hospital, she needed help, her friend (and her friend's husband) were asleep in another room and couldn't hear her. The next day they went out and bought her one of those really loud bicycle horns, and put it by her bed, they didn't want her to have to be in that situation again.
Everyone who has come by to visit her has signed the horn, a physical representation of her community, coming together in her time of need, to answer her calls for help.
I think this is a great representation of how the body of Christ should work.
This past Sunday, my pastor preached about community. He talked about the Romanian orphanages during communism, how there were basically warehouses of kids with only their basic physiological needs met, food and water. They had no interactions with people, and they had failure to thrive.
He talked about how we as Christians need interaction with people, that we need to be connected to people. That spiritually we will fail to thrive if we don't.
There are times when I've pondered this exact set of circumstances my friend finds herself in. Living far from family, I have wondered who would come to be with me at the hospital, were I in a similar situation. I was once in a small group, thinking that I had connected, and then after a series of events realized that they wouldn't be there for me. I had given and given and given, but when some small but significant needs in my life arouse, I blew my bicycle horn. The problem was that no one was listening, they heard, they just didn't acknowledge. It's like they heard the horn in the middle of my night, and turned over and went back to sleep. Because they ignored the call, they didn't have to address the clearly communicated need.
I am fully aware that ultimately no person or group of people can meet all the needs in my life. And there are some needs that can only be fulfilled by our Lord. But Jesus calls us to be His hands and His feet to a dying world, we have to start by being His hands and feet to those around us.
Sometimes it's a lot easier to worry about the dying orphans in some far off land and throw money at them than to roll up our sleeves and get our hands and feet dirty with and for the people who are physically present in our lives.
Being in that small group was a very difficult time in my life, and I hung on to those facades of relationship longer than I should have, because I really wanted to be part of that community, and because I didn't really have any other community here. Eventually I chose to move on, they simply didn't have space for me. They were very quick to ask me to give physically and emotionally on a regular basis, but completely unwilling to allow me to receive when I was in need.
I have since found healthy community elsewhere, but I remember that time and think about it sometimes because I don't want to go through it again, and I don't want others to go through it, especially if there is a way I can prevent it.
I've seen Christians fail to thrive, because they lacked community, or were in destructive community.
Community, healthy community at least, takes time to develop, it doesn't happen overnight. It also takes effort, spending time with people, helping them through hard circumstances, being vulnerable yourself. Being in community is not always nice and clean and pretty. We are human, it's just part of the deal.
For me, it's much easier to hear other people blowing their bicycle horn and respond than it is for me to pick up the horn and blow it myself. Being vulnerable and expressing need is not something that comes easy to me. Having been through that experience has made it harder for me to be vulnerable. I have had to force myself to connect with people. It has at times left me wondering "is this going to turn out like it did last time?"
The more I have thought about this over the week, the more I have realized, that each of us has to be willing to both blow our bicycle horn when we are in need, and get out of bed when someone else is blowing theirs and respond to the need. That is the only way true community can be established. And each time we respond to the needs of others, we sign their horn, a stamp on their life that God is still faithful, that He provides through His people.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Thankful Thursday 9/1/2011
643 high school football games
644 time catching up with good friends
645 last minute Friday night plans
646 going to bed without setting an alarm
647 an awesome dentist who always answers the phone
648 being able to fill in last minute to serve at church
649 winging it with 1st grade Sunday school and then realizing that they got it
650 helpers
651 encouragement from friends
652 constructive conversations
653 that all of my friends and family made it through hurricane Irene with little or no damage to their property
654 a friend's dad going home after 360 days in the hospital
655 possibilities
656 a phenomenal physician
657 relief from an intense ear infection
658 that a friend made it through difficult surgery
659 reminder of what community should look like and be
644 time catching up with good friends
645 last minute Friday night plans
646 going to bed without setting an alarm
647 an awesome dentist who always answers the phone
648 being able to fill in last minute to serve at church
649 winging it with 1st grade Sunday school and then realizing that they got it
650 helpers
651 encouragement from friends
652 constructive conversations
653 that all of my friends and family made it through hurricane Irene with little or no damage to their property
654 a friend's dad going home after 360 days in the hospital
655 possibilities
656 a phenomenal physician
657 relief from an intense ear infection
658 that a friend made it through difficult surgery
659 reminder of what community should look like and be
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