Anne Lamott- Traveling Mercies

The other day I made a quick pit stop on my very rushed lunch break. I ran into the library to grab a book to read. I didn't have much time, so when Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies caught my eye, I grabbed it. I left it in my car.

The next day, my plans for the day were completely rearranged when a student athlete needed immediate medical attention.

I spent most of the day sitting in the ER, and on our way in, I grabbed the book to take with me.

As I was reading, I came across the following section.

"Pammy and I basked in Lee's love like lizards on sunny rocks. Lee lay beside me in bed when I couldn't sleep and whispered the Twenty-third Psalm to me: "'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want' - I am not wanting for anything, Annie. Let's find a green pasture inside us to rest in. Let's find the still waters within." She'd lay beside me quietly for a while as we listened to the tide of the lagoon lap against the dock. Then she'd go on: "'Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,' Annie, not 'Yea, as I end up living forever in the valley…'" And she prayed for the Good Shepherd to gather my thoughts like sheep. I did not quite believe in the power of her Mother-Father God, because my frightened lamby thoughts seemed to be stampeding toward a wall, piling up on each other's backs, bleating plaintively while their wild eyes darted around frantically. But I believed in Lee, and I felt her arms around me… and Lee would whisper me to sleep"

While I don't necessarily completely agree with all of Lamott's theology, the book is the story of her journey towards Christianity, and this section is recalling an experience she had as a child spending the night at a friend's whose' family was Christian Science.

The words really resonated in my life. It is easy, while in a set of circumstances to forget that those circumstances are temporary, and that we are not alone.

The 23rd Psalm goes on to say, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me."

It's a part of scripture I know well. I memorized it for $1 when I was in 4th grade, the year when our lives were in total upheaval. It was the year Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait, the year we spent half living in my grandparents' house, half living in our own. It was the year that we went to public school in America and didn't come home for lunch. The year my dad was at home working, and my mom was with us in safety. It was the year we heard on the radio that a scud missile had landed on a warehouse, just behind our favorite pizza place and Baskin Robins, killing lots of troops.

And even then He was with us, and even now as I walk through this life, wondering where He is leading, He is with me.

The Journey

In March of 2002 my old Bible was falling apart. It was a hard cover Student Bible, the cover had fallen off and been duct taped back on a bunch. The cover had been covered in orange construction paper and had stickers on it, mainly for the purpose of taking it back and forth easier to places where taking a Bible isn't easy.
I decided it was time for a new copy of my favorite book.
I bought a blue leather NIV study Bible.
It was shiny and beautiful. It was hard to navigate compared to my old student Bible. There were no notes in the margins, no favorite underlined verses. It didn't flip to favorite sections easily.
Over time, as I journeyed through life with it, it broke itself in. It's sections got underlined in various colors of ink, pages got dog eared. It has traveled with me all over the country, it has been on a mission trip to South America. It made the emotional move from undergrad to grad school, and my parents moving back to the States for good. It made another move, from grad school in Michigan to my first real job in Kentucky, and from one church to another. It has been there for me when "friends" weren't really very friendly. It has been there when life was hard. It has been there when life has been really awesome. It has been thrown in backpacks, and shoved in suitcases. In fact there isn't any trip or any experience that the blue leather Bible hasn't literally traveled with me through.

Over the last year or so, it has really started to fall apart. The cover started to come off, and was glued back on, with rubber cement, and then again with super glue. It was glued back together and put in a vice.

Several weeks ago, a section came unattached from the binding. Then shortly after that, the binding split apart.

Then this past week the cover came off again.

As I was laying in bed this past week reading, I realized that Bible was ready for retirement, and it made me sad.

I thought about all the experiences that I, and there for the book, have been through. Missing friends, confusing relationships, big overwhelming decisions, great joys, great sorrows, all kinds of tears.

The thought of having to choose a new one, and start all over with stiff unmarked pages is actually a little intimidating. But like every journey, no matter how long it is, there is a time when it ends, and eventually you wind up back home.

Regrets

Recently I've been ready a mostly funny book. It's by Rick Reilly and it's called "Who's Your Caddy?"
In the book Reilly (who is one of my all time favorite sports writers) recounts his experiences caddying for all sorts of people from pro golfers like John Daly and Tom Lehman, to Donald Trump, to the worlds best gambling golfer.
In one chapter he recounts the tournament he caddied for professional golfer David Duval, it was a tournament in which PGA golfers where teamed up with golfers on the senior tour, and for the first time ever, David was paired with his dad.
Reilly shares about the relationship between the Duvals, which was shaped by the death of David's older brother when they were kids from a rare blood disorder. Bob, David's dad, had been a golf pro at a local club, struggled with alcoholism, divorced his wife, and after getting back on his feet, was encouraged by his son to try for the senior tour.

At the end of the chapter, Reilly says this "and, for just that second there, I got to thinking about my dad. And I got to thinking how great it would've been to play just one tournament with him. But even after he stopped drinking, I was still angry at him and, underneath that, scared of him too. And when I finally stopped being scared of him he was too old to play anymore. To bad too. He was good. He shot a 63 once on sand greens... I always wanted to go with him, but he never took me. Maybe I never asked."

"I'd love to go back and see my dad as just a guy, just like me, with his goodness and his faults." continues Reilly.

I was reading that, and I thought about the regrets we all have in our lives. Not all of us have regrets about our parents. I am thankful for great relationships with both of my parents.

Some of us have regrets about past romantic relationships, or relationships with siblings, or relationships with friends.

Some of us have regrets about things we did, or didn't do. Some of us have regrets about things we said, or should have said.

The reality is that no matter how hard each of us tries to live without regrets, no matter how often we try to do the right thing, life doesn't always turn out how we expect it. Sometimes we make poor choices. Sometimes other people make poor choices. Sometimes nobody made a poor choice, it just didn't happen how we wished, or hoped.

No matter how hard I try to plan and schedule so that things happen the way I want them to, life happens, and it's not always going to go as I planned.

Yesterday I was on the phone with Arwen, I was telling her that I was worried about a potential situation that might or might not happen. She gently reminded me that I am only in control of my words, actions, and reactions. She told me to quit worrying about things I can't control.

Then after the thing I was worried about happening didn't happen, I was reminded of these verses.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34

Jesus here is talking about worrying about the future, but I think maybe it can be applied to the past also. Christ died for my sins, past, present, and future. When I came to know Him as Lord and Savior, He wiped my slate clean. And yet sometimes I still find myself wonder, what if. The exception to this of course is in instances where our actions hurt another person, which of course requires us to go to that person and ask forgiveness for the things we did.

And that is what I want to tell Rick Reilly. I'm sure it stinks that he didn't come to these realizations about his dad until it was too late, but there is nothing he can do about it now. All he can really do is put one foot in front of the other, and the next time he is faced with an opportunity to forgive and live without regrets, I hope he does.

Library Loser

Last summer I realized that my book collection was getting out of control, and that really after I had read them, most of them just sat on a shelf collecting dust. So I boxed up a whole bunch of good ones and shipped them off to my cousins, who are both missionaries overseas, but were in the states at the time. I also decided to start using the public library instead of buying so many books.
I will say that for the most part, I buy used books, so I wasn't spending hordes of money on them, but why not try the free option right?
So while I still occasionally bought used books, I also checked out several, and I checked out DVDs, since you know, they actually had movies I wanted but hadn't seen.

So now that work has slowed down a bit, I decided to hit up the library this week for some books and movies. I selected 2 books, and 2 movies, more on that later. I went to the check out desk, and low and behold, I HAD LATE FEES.

No biggie right.
Except that I had 9 DOLLARS IN LATE FEES.

Apparently last fall as things were starting to pick up, I had returned 2 DVDs 2 days late, and some books late also. I have no recollection of this, but the kind desk clerk printed off the details, and yes, they were books and DVDs that I had borrowed.

So I look in my wallet, and I have $1 in cash.
The checkout guy says "If you pay it down to under $5 I can let you checkout the books"

Yes but I only have $1. So picture this, I am standing there with my 2 books and 2 DVDs and no money, and feeling like a total loser.
So I say "I'm sorry sir, but I can't check these out, I have no cash to pay the fines, I'll have to come back later."

I handed him the goods, and turned and walked out, my head down in shame.

I mean seriously, NINE DOLLARS, who has NINE DOLLARS in late fees at the public library?

And yes I went to the bank and got some cash, and returned to the library the next day where the two books and one of the DVDs were still available for checkout.

Rest

Just over a year ago my parents came down, collected me, and made me take an actual vacation. We went to Branson. I was so wound up that I had a hard time relaxing. I take after my dad a lot in this area but also there had been so much stress in my life that I just couldn't even laugh really.

I know that I have a tendency to be a workaholic. Part of that is my personality and upbringing, and part of that is my job description.

One thing I have really struggled with as a single woman is what to do with time off. Lots of my vacation time is taken up visiting family who live far away. While I love visiting them, it's not really rest and vacation.

Married friends, with or without kids, tend to take trips together to fun places just to enjoy each other, the sights, and relax.

Maybe because I am just naturally a fairly social individual, or maybe because I am insecure about my singleness in a few sets of circumstances, I have forgone actual vacation to fun, exciting, and relaxing destinations to do things I like to do.

The one exception is that my brother has a tendency, due to the nature of his job, to always be living near a beach, so visiting him is like a vacation.

Several weeks ago, maybe even over a month ago, I was asked if I wanted to take a trip for work over spring break.
I immediately agreed.

Then I spent the next week wondering if that was a good idea.

There was lots of stuff that I really need to get done at my house that has been neglected during basketball season.

It would be really nice to spend the week folding laundry and vacuuming, I thought.

I could go out to LBL and hike a little by myself, enjoy some quiet time.

I really needed to get back into a regular workout schedule, not that I hadn't been working out, I had, my workouts had just been incredibly varied and inconsistent in content.

But I had committed, and the trip did involve the beach. I knew that I would be working, some, but the thought of waking up early to watch the sunrise was exciting to me.

And so just a week after getting back from the last basketball trip of the season, I packed my bags and loaded up to head out on a trip with another team.

Before leaving I emailed a Master's swim team in one of the places we would be to see if I could swim with them, and low and behold, they were excited to have me join them at 5:30 in the mornings!

And I am grateful that I agreed to what was God's plan to force me into some rest, and laughter, and sun, and sand, and excessive picture taking.

Before we were even out of the state of Kentucky there was much laughter going on.

God's loving hand has been written all over this trip for me from the first morning, when the hotel desk person recommended this path for a quiet peaceful run.

One thing that has been different about this trip, when compared with trips I normally go on for work, is that this team likes to eat food that I like to eat. They are all about some California Pizza kitchen, and good organic salads, and smoothies with ginseng. I have really enjoyed that.

The second place we went was to one of my favorite cities in the south, and again an awesome run, this time through an unbelievably beautiful campus and down a well maintained city running and biking path that was busy, but again great.

It was about this time that I realized, unlike most trips, there wasn't going to be a moment when a caterer didn't show up on time, or a hotel messed something up, and I was going to have to deal with the high stress situation, because I am not in charge of any of that for this team.

The next stop landed us, in large part due to the extreme generosity of some parents, on Hilton Head Island.

These were taken from the roof of our condo building.

While I have had to work some, we have also gotten to play a bunch too.

I swam two morning with a group of master's swimmers.
I ran on the beach one morning for about 4.5 miles.

We road bikes into the sunset one evening.

We took a boat ride.

We ate dinner outside at twilight, twice.

I sat in a rocking chair talking with some old men about life as the team was practicing.

I have eaten all of the seafoods that I love.

And I ran some more. In fact I have worked out so much, because it's been so beautiful, and because to me, there is no better time to spend with the Lord than running or swimming as I pray, that I have had to do laundry, twice. Oh and yes there was free washer and dryer, no need for quarters, another gift.

I have had many quiet times with the Lord, reading His Word, and wondering at His creation.

I was talking to my dad on the phone and he said "I'm glad you are having such a great time. You deserve it."
While I don't think I necessarily deserve all the blessing that this week has been, I definitely am grateful to a loving God, who has in a sense reached down His arms and embraced me and kissed me on the forehead, and whispered in my ear to go ahead and rest this week.

I was reading the book I have been reading for a couple weeks now this afternoon. I was sitting out on the deck of one of the rooms, intermittently reading, napping, and basking in the sun. When I read this quote:

"Years of Christian discipleship, Bible study, churchgoing had been about me thinking about God; practicing eucharisteo (thanksgiving) was the very first I had really considered at length what God thought of me -- this ridiculous and relentlessly pursuing love, so bold. Everywhere, everything, Love!"

It's Ann Voskamp, yes the same author and book that inspired me to start listing things I'm thankful for. To be totally honest, I think I might have overlooked some of the blessings this trip has been, had I not been constantly adding the the running list I have going on my iphone. For example, there is a heated lamp thing in the bathroom, so when you get out of the shower, it's warm. Small and seemingly insignificant, but none the less a blessing.

As I was half napping, have reading, I came to this section in the book:
"He chooses His children to fully live! Fully live the fullest life: the astonished gratitude, the awed joy, the flying and the free. The discipline of giving thanks, of unwrapping one thousand gifts, unwraps God's heart bare: I choose you. Live!"

My friend sent me a message this week. She told me she had made plans to go on a trip, that she was really enjoying the freedom that she has to do that. I thought, you know what, she is starting to fully live, single or not. Am I? Or am I sitting here waiting for God to show up, all the while He is right there, I just haven't taken the time to notice?

Am I willing to embrace this full life that He is given me? And by full life, I don't just mean the good times when I am laying out enjoying the smell of the ocean on the breeze and my hair is curling nicely and in a uniform manner. I mean the bad times too, when I am frustrated, or hurt, or disappointed, because He is there too.

I finished reading today with this: "I can't simply ignore his serenade because I'm unsure, uncomfortable, uninterested, thinking I've claimed Christ as my Savior already anyways. God is relationship and He woos us to relationship and there is nothing with God if there is no relationship."

I want that relationship, not that I don't or haven't had it before, but like any relationship, you have to grow, you can't just stay where you are. I want to grow in my relationship with Christ, I want to fully live, not just when I'm running on the beach, but when I'm at home too, folding laundry and vacuuming.

A list of books for 2011

1. I will Carry You by Angie Smith

2. Radical by David Platt

3. Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner

4. Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman

5. Beyond Belief: Finding the Strength to Come Back by Josh Hamilton

6. One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp

7. The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

What are you looking forward to reading this year?

A million miles

Last year for my birthday a friend gave me a copy of Donald Miller's book "A Million Miles in A Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life." It had just been published. I love Donald Miller's writing and so I was looking forward to reading it. If you are looking for a good read, I highly recommend this one. One thing I really like about Donald Miller's writing is that it makes me think. I don't always agree with him, but I always am challenged to dig deeper.

Without giving away too much, the basic message of the book is that we have choices in life, we can choose to sit on the couch and be spectators, or we can get up and experience life.

As I read through the book, and as I thought about my own life, I was struck by the fact that I was miserable in certain circumstances in my life, but I was too afraid of change to do anything about it. So here I was, sitting around, waiting for God to show up. The problem with this scenario is that sometimes God asks us to take steps of faith, it's part of His plan to transform us, to be more like Him, to be more the person He created us to be.

At the time I couldn't remember the last time I was excited to read my Bible. I couldn't remember the last time I had been involved in serving others with my church family. I couldn't remember the last time I didn't have to give myself a pep talk before going to either church on Sunday morning or my small group.

Basically I couldn't remember the last time I had been anything more than a spectator, and I also knew that I wasn't becoming more Christlike.

Donald Miller put it like this, "If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation. If I got any comfort as I set out on my first story, it was that in nearly every story, the protagonist is transformed. He's a jerk at the beginning and nice at the end, or a coward at the beginning and brave at the end. If the character doesn't change, the story hasn't happened yet. And if story is derived from real life, if story is just condensed version of life then life itself may be designed to change us so that we evolve from one kind of person to another. "

A few Sundays ago during my Sunday school class we were talking about the part in Philippians 2 where Paul asks us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. We talked about how the point is not that we can earn our salvation, but that we must continue to surrender to the Lord. We talked about how as we walk through this Christian life, we need to continue to grow in our faith, and continue to learn about who He is, so that we can have a deeper understanding of our salvation.

I recently was reading the part in Deuteronomy 31 where Joshua is preparing to take over for Moses and lead the Israelite people into the promised land.

Moses says the following to Joshua:
"Be strong and courageous, for you must go with these people into the land that the LORD swore to their forefathers to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance.
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged"

I knew about a year ago that I needed to find a different place to go to church. I knew that there were some really unhealthy relationships in my life.
The thought of going to a new church, of building new relationships, of finding a new small group was daunting to me. I know that relationships take time to develop, I knew that I would probably spend some time being lonely for a while. I didn't like the idea of any of that. But I came to realize that it was a necessary thing in my life and for my faith.

So this past May, after a week long trip with my parents, I came home and started the process, I took a step of faith.

And as Donald Miller said:
"And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time."

I'm so thankful that I made a hard choice, I'm thankful that a few weeks ago I was on the phone with Arwen and she was crying. I said "What's wrong?" She replied "It's just so great to here you excited about what going to church, it's so great to hear you laugh, it's been a really long time."

Shepherd

I recently started reading a book.

I am loving it, mainly because it has really opened my eyes and helped me to a deeper understanding of David's words.

The other day I posted the following quote as my facebook status.
"Just as sheep will blindly, habitually, stupidly follow one another along the same little trails until they become ruts that erode into gigantic gullies, so we humans cling to the same habits that we have seen ruin other lives."

Phillip Keller was referring to Psalm 23:3 where David says "He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake."

Keller was talking about how sheep have to be led from one grazing ground to another. If the sheep are not led by their shepherd, they will graze a feeding ground until they have ruined it. Not only that, but they contaminate the grazing field so that they make themselves sick. He goes on to say that we, like the sheep, need to be led by Christ.
"The difficult point is that most of us don't want to come. We don't want to follow. We don't want to be led in the paths of righteousness. Somehow it goes against our grain. We actually prefer to turn to our own way even though it may take us straight into trouble." Says Keller.

A woman I have known my whole life commented that it sounded like Proverbs 26:11 "As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."

This past weekend, while travelling for work, my roommate turned on "Freedom Writers" on MTV.
If you haven't seen it the basic story line is that this woman starts teaching in a school system where some students are given opportunity, and some aren't, and it's mainly based on ethnicity.

The teacher has to deal with racial hatred and gang issues. She starts talking about the holocaust with the students, only one of them has ever even heard of it. She starts describing the Nazis as the most powerful gang ever, she tells them about the massive amounts of people they killed, the genocide that happened. She takes the students on a field trip to a holocaust museum and invites holocaust survivors to dinner with the students.
The students begin to realize that the things they are going through and participating in are nothing new. They realize that they can make choices not to follow the others who have gone before them in their community and made choices that lead to death, they could be agents for change.
In their community everyone is different, separated into groups, and yet at the same time, the reality they begin to see is that they have a lot in common. Because their community is so homogeneous in their thinking, they know no other way.
Then this crazy teacher, whose ideas are completely foreign to them, comes along, and opens their eyes to the possibilities. Instead of being sheep who stay where they are at and destroy themselves and each other, they can be led to a new grazing field, or instead of being like a dog and returning to the vomit, they can make different choices.

As I think about being led by Christ, I am reminded that there are several different mediums He uses to lead us.
Obviously, there is His Word. Paul tells us in Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

And there is the Holy Spirit. Jesus says in John 16:13 that the Holy Spirit will come and guide us into all truth.

And then there are our elders, Titus 2 starts out the following way, "You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love, and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God..."

I find it important to note that first the older men and women have to be taught what is in accord with sound doctrine before they are ready to lead the younger men and women.

There is a trend in many churches here in the United States that Bible studies and small groups are arranged based on age and marital status. There is the group for the young married people, and there is the group for young married people with small children. There are the groups for the young single never married people, and the groups for the older divorces single again people. Then there are the groups for the middle aged people, and the groups for the elderly people.

While there is something to be said for having people in your life who are in the same place in life, I wonder if we as a church are stifling growth. It is easy to foster relationships between people who are in the same place in life, those relationships, those relationships form naturally. Generally speaking, relationships across generations are less likely to form without placing people in situations where they are more encouraged.

Am I open to Christ's leading? Am I putting myself under the leadership of those who are prepared to lead others?

2008... According to the books I read

If you didn't know, I read A LOT. Here are some of my favorites from 2008

1.God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew and John & Elizabeth Sherrill

It's about Brother Andrew and his ministry to bring Bibles and Christian literature to the former Soviet Union during communism. It was very suspensful and also insightful about what Christians in those countries went through and why ministry is so difficult there now

2.No Compromise, the life story of Keith Green by Melody Green and David Hazard

It's basically the biography of Keith Green who is one of the fathers of contemporary Christian music

3.The Color of Water: A black man's tribute to his white mother by James McBride

It's okay

4.All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque

It's a classic, what else is there to say?

5.Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers

I was a lot skeptical because it is a Christian romance novel, but many many friends kept telling me to read it, so I did. It is an amazing story of redemption, you should read it.

6.When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People by Leonard Felder

My brother gave it to my mom last CHristmas. She made me read it, it was worth it.

7.Beckham, Both Feet on the Ground: an Autobiography by David Beckham

It was a very insightful book about one of the greatest soccer players of all time. I don't understand how he remembers pretty much every detail of every game he ever played.

8.Jewel by Bret Lott

It was an Oprah book club book and paid a dollar for it at the consignment store. It is about a mother raising her developmentally delayed daughter. It was worth the read

9.The Shack by William P. Young

It is amazing, definately not the Bible, but definately shook me up and made me stop putting God in a box

10. Old School by Tobias Wolff

It's about boarding school, I went to boarding school. It was worth the read to me but I think people who didn't go to boarding school might not get it.

11.Playing for Pizza by John Grisham

It's about an American NFL flunk out who moves to Italy to play professional football there and really enjoys it. I really enjoyed this book that is very different from everything else John Grisham has written.

12.Out in the Blue: Letters from Arabia 1937-1940 by Thomas C. Barger

So it's about the founding of Saudi Aramco, the company my dad worked for, for 20 years. It was a great read for me, I really enjoyed it.

13.Walking From East to West by Ravi Zacharias with R. S. B. Sawyer

Pretty much Ravi Zacharias' autobiography. Ravi is on of the leading apologists today, I love his other writting, I really enjoyed his autobiography about living in two different worlds.

14.Signs of God Along the Way by Steve and Ginny Saint

Steve and Ginny Saint are people of immense faith. What a testimony of how faithful God is.

15.The Pilot's Wife by Anita Shreve

Also an Oprah book club book, but better than Jewel. It's a really sad story though.

16.The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

I loved it, it explains a lot about what Afganistan was like before the Taliban and it's a really great story also.

17.A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah

It is a really really sad book, but hopeful also. I think it should be required reading for high school kids or college freshman. It makes me so thankful for my childhood. You should read it in 2009

That's a snapshot

BABIES AAAHHHH

My friend John and I have this joke about how everybody I know is either pregnant or trying to get pregnant. In fact every female other than me in my Bible study is either pregnant or trying to get pregnant except me. It makes it a little weird and awkward sometimes. Like why do they say "we have been trying really hard to get pregnant" and then all the other women discuss what the problem is or could be, SERIOUSLY PEOPLE VIRGIN EARS. So anyway I thought I would just share that with you. ON to other important business, my brother was at the Bagelry the other day (by the way I really miss new england bagels, which are different from new york bagels for all you non yankees) and he ran into my friends Ben and Nic and Christy (and Ben's wife Shannon whom I have never met) Ben is moving to Australia to play basketball. But anyway he ran into them and so he called me on my cell phone and they passed the phone around and I got to talk to them all and it was rather refreshing, so that was nice. Of course there is a new phenomenon going on in my life, my uncle is trying to witness to me, he sends me all these invitations to talks on various topics in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, um I live in Kentucky first of all. And second of all I believe that I am a Christian because I have accepted Christ as my Lord and savior. I just am confused because I feel like a project, and that he could be using his resources on people who don't know God. I believe that if I die tomorrow, I will spend eternity in Heaven because of what Christ did on the cross for me. If he would like he is more than happy to come visit me, go to church together, whatever but seriously. I think he should read this book called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, I think it would rock his reality. Then maybe he might stop seeing people as projects, and start asking God how He views them, just a thought. ANd then there is the news that my grandfather needed brain surgery, found out right before Christmas, and then he actually had the surgery today, basically in layman's terms he needed a drain installed. Not too invasive but when your grandfather is a somewhat frail 86, anything is invasive if you ask my professional medical opinion. Good news is that the surgery went well, my whole Bible study (including all the prego or soon to be prego women) prayed for him and so did my other friends, not in Kentucky. Surgery went as planned and he is resting comfortably. Makes you think a lot though. Like do I really believe that God is in control of my life? and if I do believe that, well then why am I so incapable with trusting Him with my grandfather's surgery? And is it okay for me to be this honest, or should I put on a strong face and not let anyone know that I was scared? I have a hard time putting up a front, so at Bible study after I first found out about the whole diagnosis and surgery and everything I was reduced to tears. I am glad that I was able to be honest. I'm glad that I go to a Bible study where they let me cry, and prayed for me and my grandfather (even a few days later all the way up until the surgery today) and I am glad that I don't have to put up a front, GOd is real and personal and He knows how I feel inside and He is asking me to surrender to Him, and if that means crying infront of my whole Bible study (which I used to find rather embarrassing) well then that is what I will do.

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SO Monday the new football coach was anounced and guess what!!!!!!!!!! He graduated from UNH, so very exciting, and most of his staff is from the Northeast also. My boss thinks we all talk way to fast. And of course everyone keeps asking me if i know the new coach, and I'm like "uh he graduated in '92 and I graduated in '03" but whatever. I was thinking about it, I was in like 5 grade when he was graduating from college. So then I was telling my mom about this other guy that I know that graduated in approximately '92 (not from UNH but from some lesser school.) He's been acting very strange around me lately. It's weird because I am one of those people who is totally oblivious. My mom was like "um, I think he likes you." I mean if some guy likes me they are going to have to be straight up and say something like "Hey I was wondering if you'd go out with me." And of course I am not intrested in this guy any way (the other person not the football coach, he's married) because he is not a Christian. But I was talking to my roommate from college because I'm like seriously I don't want to have a geriatric husband (no offense to those that are older than me) but around here it is way more common. It kinda freaks me out how many people are married to people that are way older than they are. I mean 5 years is one thing but 25-30 that is just weird. I know that this all seems so superficial. But seriously, I just purchased a book over the weekend called Friendlationships:from like to like like to love it's all about the Christian subculture and people in their 20s and how weird that whole dating scene has gotten. It talks a lot about how people aren't "dating" but are just friends but way more emotionally involved than just friends. I bought the book because I laughed so hard when I read the title and because it's so true, I myself and all of my single Christian friends are constantly complaining about their friendlationships. So the moral of this story I guess is this, I am not interested in the older (not yet elderly) gentleman who apparently likes me and I have decided that I am just going to continue to be patient, and trust that God is giving the individual that will one day be my husband the courage to come out and ask me out so I don't have to be so confused.