A Few Good Men

I wrote this post about a week ago, then Nana's condition deteriorated quite rapidly.  She passed away this week and in the midst of it all I didn't post this.  But as I am revisiting it tonight, it still makes me smile, so I'm posting it anyway.

When I was visiting my friends in Pennsylvania on my drive up to New England, my friend Mike accidentally let it slip that he had arranged for his sister in law to come down and take care of the kids while he took his wife away for the upcoming weekend for their anniversary.  It was awesome to see her reaction when she realized what he had done.

While I was riding around with my cousin, she was bragging about how her husband always makes sure her gas tank is filled up.  Then she decided to stop and get some gas and didn't know which side of the car her tank is on, because, umm, well she rarely actually has to put gas in her car.

Last weekend while I was a hanging out with a friend, her husband was away at a men's retreat.  He texted her to say that he had been really thinking about some things he needed to do to be a better husband and father and leader of their family.  Later he called to pray with her before they went to bed.

About a year ago I wrote about how much man bashing bothers me.  
I actually went on a personal campaign to be encourager to the single men in my life.  It was quite funny to see the intial responses when I would send a message that said "hey I really appreciate the way you..." followed by something specific.
At first several of them didn't know how to take it.  "What do you need?"  was often the response.
"Nothing, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your pursuit of Godly character."
"Oh"

Lately I have been incredibly encouraged by the Godly men several friends have married, and reminded that there are good men out there.

But here's the other part of the story, I have been AMAZED as my friends have bragged on their husbands, and as I have watched them interact with their husbands.

When I say brag, I don't mean inocuous statements like "Steve is a great husband, I love how he loves our kids."  I mean specifics, "I really appreciate Steve's commitment to study God's Word and pray with us as a family regularly"

My friends are not perfect, and neither are their husbands.  But I definitely appreciate their commitment to love, honor, protect, lead their wives and families.  And I definitely appreciate the wives commitment to serve, encourage, respect their husbands.

I love that they are honest about marriage, that they admit that it's not always easy.  But I also love that they don't bash their husbands, and are quick to point out the great things about their husband's character.

It definitely gives this single girl hope.

Riding Around in Cars: Mom Friends and the Single Girl

Disclaimer: After posting this, I received much feedback, mostly from friends, some with kids, some without, who loved it, wanted to share it with their mom's group, etc... and a very small few who thought I was specifically talking about them or their group of friends. The reality is that I had no one specific in mind when I wrote this post other than the amazing mom friends I am thankful to have in my life. They are women from all sorts of walks of life, some work, some don't, some are planning on homeschooling, some are former public school teachers who aren't sure how they are going to educate their kids yet, some are family, some are college friends. I respect and value them all. I had recently read a blog post by a woman who was lamenting that after her recent marriage, her single friends had faded from her life. I commented that while it's true many single friends feel very awkward after their friends get married, she might consider whether or not she had stopped calling, returning phone calls, whether she was too busy every time they asked to get together etc... with her single friends. She hadn't thought of that and responded that it was true, she had stopped. Out of that and three days in a row of mom friends asking me to sit in the car with their kids, came this post. This is not in anyway a commentary on what makes a good mom or how people should or shouldn't raise their children

I've figured it out.
All my mom friends really want is to have someone sit in the car with their kids while they run into the store for a few quick things.

And that is fine with me.
That's when we take the crazy face photos.

Meanwhile their mom's run inside to grab a coffee, or snacks for Bible study tonight.

It's been an interesting ride with some moms in my life.
Some treated me like my singleness was a disease they might catch.Those were the mom friends who acted like they had it all together, wouldn't admit that life was hard, and were too proud to say "hey I just really want to order coffee without my kids screaming about donuts."  Those people aren't friends anymore.  I learned that those friendships were friendships of convenience, and it just wasn't convenient for them anymore.

Some said "yes I'd love to spend time with you, want to come over and help me take my kids to the park? I really need them to run around but am a little overwhelmed and would love an extra set of hands"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And then they asked "hey would you mind if we stopped at Dunkin Donuts and I ran inside while you stayed with the kids?"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And they said "hey do you want anything?"
And I said no "I grabbed my coffee on the way over, take your time, bask in the moment, read the whole menu if you want."

Memo to the mom friends, singleness is not a disease, you can't catch it, but your single friends would probably love to help you get the kids into their car seats, and sit in the car while you run in to grab 3 items at the grocery store, just for the opportunity to hang out with the friends they love, even though those friends are married and have kids.

I've been spending a bunch of time with mom friends lately, which means their kids have been telling me all the family secrets while they ran into the store.

Yesterday I learned that my cousin's husband poops.  I mean I think I kind of, sort of knew that, but it was confirmed for me, while mom was in the store.

Want a litmus test mom friends?  Here it is, if you are no longer friends with, or haven't seen your single friends in ages, stop to take a moment and think about why?  Did you start telling them that you had a problem with your their singleness?  Did you tell them you were too busy having play dates with all your mom friends?  Did you forget how to talk about anything but poop, potty training, and freezer cooking?

I've heard a million times about how "single people are selfish" or "single people just don't understand" or "single people ..." fill in the blank, basically we are terrible moody selfish people.  To be honest, that is true of some single people.  But the rest of us would love to sit in the car with your kids if you would just give us the chance, just for an opportunity to serve you and to talk with you, and spend time with you.

I am so thankful for the mom friends who have been willing to take the time to remain friends, and who haven't become so wrapped up in being a mom that they have lost sight of who God created them to be.  Being a mom does change you, that is true, but it doesn't mean you have to cut out all the people who aren't at that stage of life.  God didn't call you to be a mom, He called you to be a godly woman, no matter what stage of life you are in.  Those people who aren't in the same stage of life as you might in fact enrich your life, if you would let them.  And you and your kids have the opportunity to enrich their lives, if you would just take it.

House 3, the last place in Murray

For the last 12 days of my time in Murray, I borrowed a room from the sister/roommate of one of the girls in my Bible study.  She had left for the summer and so I was able to use her space as a staging and repacking and sleeping area for my last days here.  It has been a time of hanging out with friends, quiet times with the Lord, and getting back on track with the paleo.  Maintaining the paleo diet was somewhat hard while living in limbo over the last several weeks.  It also put me back on the same road I lived on when I first moved here 7 years ago.
Again, I am grateful for the generosity of friends.

One thing I realized this last week is that there is no way I could have done this year the way it has been had I been married and with kids.  The moving from one place to another, living somewhat out of my truck, staying with friends in a spare room would not have been possible had I been responsible for other beings.

So today I am thankful for the many friends who have been there for me in one way of another over the last year, and for the gift of singleness which has allowed for this time.

Caution: Adventure Ahead

It's been a while since I posted here. There has been so much going on in my life and I decided it was prudent not to post anything . In less than a month I will take off from this little west Kentucky town.

Where I am going I am not exactly sure.

Yes, if you know me well you know that this is completely out of character for me.

The back story is this: about 2 years ago I started praying for direction and clarity. I felt like my time here was coming to a close. I was tired of spending holidays alone, missing my niece and nephew's birthdays. I wanted to be close to friends who like to hike, who are up for random road trips and adventures. I wanted to be in a place where there might be some single guys my age. I know, this is a lot to ask for.

A year ago I mentioned this plan to 2 close friends, they jumped for joy and said "we have been praying you would come to this decision." I started looking for jobs and I put my house on the market. It sold very quickly. I moved in temporarily with friends and moved my stuff into storage. My parents took my dog for the time being. (I am now fearful they may keep her forever)

I still don't have a job lined up, but God has given immense clarity, it is time for change.

I have 5 weeks of vacation accumulated, I have been given the opportunity to use it before moving on to my next place of employment. I am going on a road trip to New England. I did do this last summer, but this time it will be different.

There are somethings I have set-up, like spending Friday night-Monday of Memorial day weekend in Pennsylvania with good friends, and meeting another friend in NYC for the day on Memorial day.

Mostly I will be enjoying time with friends and family, going to the beach, hiking Mt Washington, and learning to slow down and rest.

I am hoping that during those 5 weeks I will have interviews, and hopefully job offers.

I am hoping during those 5 weeks that I get to laugh with friends,

and eat meals with my family. I plan to randomly pull off the highway when I see signs for things like civil war battlefields, or random historical sites.

I plan to drop in on friends at work with coffee and a smile.

I plan on reading some good books and helping my Aunt and Uncle in the garden. I plan on finally eating at my cousin's restaurant.  I plan on watching the sun rise over the Atlantic. I plan on visiting my great aunt and meeting another cousin in Boston for fun. 

Mostly I plan on not having a really structured plan, and slowing down a bit, except when I go out for runs.

The family I am currently living with suggested that I update my blog along the way with pictures, silly stories, profound epiphanies, etc... I thought that was an excellent idea. So here it goes...

If I was a Suzie homemaker...

Last spring I had a great realization. I realized I was putting a lot of things on hold because in my head, people don't do those things till they are married. I blogged about it.

I committed to living here and now, and not putting my life on hold because I wasn't married, even if it meant doing things at the end of a long day of work when I was tired.

I have always said "if I was a stay at home mom I would make my own... from scratch"
The list of things I would make from scratch is long.

So this week I decided to make my own laundry detergent for a variety of reason.
For some reason I thought it would be a long and complicated process.

Then I found a recipe on Pinterest.

I found out that it's not really that hard, and it doesn't really take very much time, and it would be WAY better for my super sensitive skin.

After a full day of work, I came home and I grated my bar soap.

and added water and washing soda and washing powder...

and while it was cooking I made my own disinfectant spray.

and I succeeded

and yes I have used my homemade laundry detergent to wash my clothes.

It felt very satisfying.

Entertaining Angels

I used to squirm about the idea of having people over to my house, mainly because I tend to compare myself to my mom in the area of hospitality. Anyone who knows my mom knows that she most definitely has the gift of hospitality.

I realized about a year ago that comparing myself to her was ridiculous. She is definitely one of the most generous people I know, but she also stayed at home almost my entire childhood, and she had domestic help in the form of what we Aramco Brats like to call the houseboy.

Our houseboy, Maurti, came twice a week, he vacuumed at lot, he did laundry, he washed the car, he did whatever my mom had on a list for him to do.

I don't have a houseboy, and I work more than 40 hours a week.

I started having people over more, but I also spent my free time beforehand trying to vacuum a lot.

Then life happened.

Then the girls in my Bible study wanted to have a function at my house, a game night for Christian single people we know. No couples allowed. No children allowed. No toddlers allowed.

I said okay and we started planning it.
We invited people.

THEN MY WORK SCHEDULE CHANGED. SHOCKER.

Then they were throwing a party at my house that I was going to be over an hour late to.
I didn't have time to scrub and clean and vacuum, and make sure there was lots of extra toilet paper in the bathroom, or to even clean the bathroom.

AND SOME HOW I WAS OKAY WITH THAT.

Truly a Christmas Miracle.

So Tuesday night I called to make sure they had gotten into my house okay, and then to tell them that all I had to drink was eggnog, and that I hadn't gotten around to making the spinach dip I was suppose to make.

And then an hour after the party started, I showed up. I walked into my house and they exclaimed "Cate, you're home! How was work!?" And it was just what I needed after a really long day at work. There were people I didn't know there. I thought for a second "Oh no, this is their first impression of me, my carpet has some dog hair on it, I only vacuumed it last week." And then I let it go, and had a great time.

I am not my mother. One day maybe, if I ever am blessed to be a stay at home mom, I will be able to throw parties remotely close to what my mom throws, and they will be awesome.
I am not in a season in life where I can do that right now, and that's okay.

But I can remember that the things I have aren't really mine, they were intrusted to me to bless others.
And I can remember that hospitality has many different looks.
And I can remember Hebrews 13:2 which says "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."

LIFE CHANGING

Disclaimer: If you are on a diet, don't continue reading...

One time my friend Andy said "self-contol begins in the grocery store." And he was completely right. When you don't buy junk food at the grocery store, you don't have it at home to eat. Andy is one of those sickening individuals that is fine with all that.

I on the other hand sometimes need some brownies, or a piece of chocolate cake.

The problem is that if I buy a brownie mix, I have to make the whole brownie mix. Being single and living alone, well, that leaves 1 person to eat the brownies. THAT MY FRIENDS IS DANGEROUS.

For the last several years I have just completely forgone these types of items, unless I am at a gathering. I won't even make these types of items to take with me to gatherings, because everybody knows that at the end of the night, you have to take whats left of what you brought home. If there is a lot of my gooey delish left, I am taking it home, to my house, where there is only me to eat it. Instead of making chocolate cherry fudge bars, or rocky road fudge bars, or any of the long list of amazing recipes I have inherited from my mom, I take things like, fruit and fruit dip, or edamame, or salad.

And just to clarify, there is nothing wrong with fruit dip, edamame, or salad. I love those things, someone has to bring them.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, my students introduced me to StumbleUpon...

Fast forward to this past week; I Stumbled Upon THE MUG RECIPES!

I can't even begin to tell you how this is going to change my life.
It's mind blowing really.

Did you know there is a recipe for one serving, made in a mug, of brownie!

I added ice cream, just for good measure.

Did you know there is a recipe for one serving, made in a mug, of ooey gooey chocolate cake?

DID YOU KNOW THERE IS A RECIPE FOR 2 WHITE CUPCAKES? JUST 2?

ME NEITHER!

So after I stumbled upon them, I have slowly over about a 2 week period been trying the recipes out.

They mainly take ingredients that I have around anyway.
And lets just discuss the whole chocolate chip situation. I have come to realize that IT DOES MATTER. Ghiradelli chocolate chips are WAY better than the generic kroger brand. WAY BETTER, it's worth the extra dollar or 2.

The recipes are all pretty simple.

Throw the dry ingredients in your favorite mug. My favorite mug is from the San Diego zoo, I got it while I was in grad school, it's huge and has pandas. I love pandas, they have been my favorite animal since I was 2 and went to China.

Anyway back to the brownies

Add the wet ingredients.

Microwave for 1 minute. ONE MINUTE that's it.

Ta Da, delicious brownies, they didn't really even have gross hard edges.

These recipes have changed the life of this single girl, I tell ya.

Don't buy this book

I spent a weekend with my cousin in her family recently. It was great to actually see her in person, we normally only interact via Facebook due to the fact that she doesn't live in America. It was also great to spend time with her without the stress of a large extended family function. One of the many things we talked about was how married people with families and single people interact. I greatly appreciate her insight, Godly advice, and perspective. One thing she said that really was a huge encouragement to me was the following statement, "I fully recognize that I was never truly single, I graduated from college and got married, I never had to pay bills on my own, do life on my own, it drives me nuts when other married women can't understand that." I couldn't agree more, I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say "I loved being single, I miss those days" and I want to respond "No you miss college, which is different from being 26 or 28 or 30 and single"
Later in the weekend we went to a fun restaurant with a gift shop, she called me over to take a picture of something and said "you should write a blog post 'how married people can be good friends to their single friends."
So in her honor, here it is:

1. Don't assume that just because they don't have kids, including them in activities that involve families isn't important.

2. Hug them occasionally

3. Give them the oppertunity to minister to your children in ways they are gifted. That may mean they teach your kids to play a musical instrument, or to swim, or take them for a fun activity or to lunch.

4. Remind yourself that God might not be calling them to babysit all of your children any time you need a sitter and for free, that might not be how God is calling them to minister to your children. (or you) There are few things that are worse at Valentine's Day than a phone call or email saying "hey you're single, can you babysit our kids so my husband and I can go on a date?" from some random person that is really only an acquaintance. Also remind yourself that constantly asking them to babysit actually excludes them from community sometimes, which single people desperately need.

5. Remember their birthdays, they don't have a spouse reminding your group of friends that it's their birthday like you do.

6. Before making recommendations on ways they should go about meeting that special someone, take time to talk to them about their dating philosophy, it will give you the opportunity to know them a little better, know their heart a little better, and avoid awkward suggestions like using various and assorted internet dating sites. In today's culture there are a million different schools of thought on dating, it's stressful enough as it is. Your well meaning comment might be offensive, it would be like them giving you misguided or unappreciated parenting advice.

7. Figure out ways to include them during holiday celebrations, holidays are one of the loneliest times for single people, especially if they don't live near family. There is nothing worse than sitting at home by yourself on Easter (or Thanksgiving or New Years or 4th of July), and then having to hear before and after about everyone else's fabulous plans. Some of the most meaningful holiday celebrations in my life have been times that I have spent with other families because I was far away from my own

8. Do NOT BUY THEM THIS BOOK

I don't know about you, but steps 1-100 is a lot of steps, it's a little overwhelming to think about.

Here is the back

Just in case you are not sure.

Ruth

I have read the book of Ruth so many times. I've read about how she left with her mother in law Naomi, how they travelled to a strange land after Ruth's husband, father in law, and brother in law had all died. I've read about how she left all of her family behind, how her sister in law turned back to go be with her own family. I've read about how Ruth went out to gather wheat to feed her mother in law and herself.

If you don't know the story well, basically what happens is that Ruth ends up in the field of a close relative of her deceased husband. She eventually asks Boaz, the close relative, to be her kinsman redeemer, a tradition at the time which required the closest male relative available to marry the widow and give her a child, which would actually be considered the child of the deceased husband.

This week when I read the story again, it hit me in a new way. I found myself picking up on things I had never noticed before.

I also have come across several articles in the last few weeks with very similar themes to those I have been seeing for the first time in the book of Ruth.

I have had an ongoing conversation with 2 good friends lately about how what we watch and read influences what we think about romantic relationships. The first article that addressed this topic was this article. Is it really helpful to watch and read stories about women being swept off their feet by heros with bulging biceps and living happily ever after? Is that really how it generally happens in real life? Is the hero always going to be perfect in every way? Is it all just chance? Is it really realistic to think that once he waltzes into my life, and I into his, that we will all of a sudden become perfect for each other? Or do those character traits develop over time from life experiences, self-control, good mentors? And the biggest question I and many of my single friends ask, how do I live fully here and now in this life that God has ordained for me as a single woman, when culture, both popular and Christian, constantly tells me that I am somehow lacking, somehow incomplete because I don't have a man and am not riding of into the sunset happily ever after? Or as some of my friends say, poking fun at the wealth of Christian romance novels they have read (yes it's true those do exist) where is the man that they will ride of in a wagon heading west with?

One of the things that really jumped out at me about Ruth this week was the way she was described by others, specifically her mother in law and also her eventual husband Boaz.

In Ruth 3:11 after Ruth has done what her mother in law told her to do and gone and laid on the threshing floor with Boaz, he says this "And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman."
In several commentaries and study guides this week I learned that that actual Hebrew word used here is Hah-yil, which means strength. This was the same term used to describe heros of the Bible, mighty men of valor. I think it also interesting to note that in several commentaries on this section of Ruth, she is compared to or described as the Proverbs 31 woman.

Last night I read this article by Donald Miller about how to prepare to be a good wife in today's culture. It is interesting to note that one of the things that Boaz notes about Ruth's character is that she showed self-control, not running of with whatever man showed interest in her. He says it like this.

Ruth 3:10 And he said, "May you be blessed by the LORD, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich.

Donald Miller basically says don't hook up with random guys, and weed out the losers. I think essentially Boaz and Mr. Miller are saying the same thing.

Boaz was no slouch either in the character department. After the first day that Ruth gleaned wheat in Boaz's field, her mother in law had this to say about him:

And Naomi said to her daughter-in-law, "May he be blessed by the LORD, whose kindness has not forsaken the living or the dead!" Ruth 2:20

Then again after Ruth had returned from the threshing floor, her mother in law Naomi had kind things to say about Boaz. In Ruth 3:18 she says this:

She replied, "Wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out, for the man will not rest but will settle the matter today."

I had never picked up on the great character of Boaz before. He was a man who showed great kindness, and also a man whose word could be trusted.

As I read through the story this week, I was also struck by the ways Boaz repeatedly provided for Ruth and protected her, giving her ample food and telling her to stay with the women in his household where she would be safe.

I can't think of character traits that I would want more in my future husband than kindness, trustworthiness, and the ability to provide for and protect me.

I have been thinking about the great hopelessness that Ruth must have felt based on the circumstances she found herself in, and the joy it must have been to her when Boaz became her husband. And as I thought about all of that, I was filled with great hope, and reminded to ignore the messages that are fed to me constantly about relationships, and character. As one author I read recently described it, I need to ignore the romantic pornography.

More than one way to slice a mango

This spring I was invited to several Pampered Chef parties.
I have to be totally honest, I felt a little weird. I mean, I love to cook, and I do often, but I am single, so I am cooking for one person, which is a whole different ball game. Also, because I have not yet married, I have never had showers, or received wedding gifts, which basically means that my kitchen is a hodge podge of random cooking tools. I don't have matching pots and pans, I don't have nice knives. I have hand me down items from various family members, random items I've picked up along the way, and a few nice things given to me as Christmas gifts.

The nice items include a zyliss salad spinner, which I love, a cast iron skillet, dishes that match, and a very small pampered chef stone that was given to me as a gift because it was the perfect size for one person, and it is.

Oh and I have a roast rack for the times when we have Christmas at my house.

I'm not ready to throw down lots of money on things like pots and pans, and I didn't think I would want to buy small items, when the bigger items are higher on the list, but it's not right to go to a Pampered Chef party and not buy anything.

And then I saw the MANGO SLICER!

Anyone that knows me well knows I have a problem, a mango obsession, it's not healthy. Or maybe it really is. Either way, if you have ever tried to slice a mango, you know, it's quite a messy task, and often you end up leaving a lot of meat on the mango pit.

The mango slicer pretty much jumped off the page at me. I ended up also purchasing an avocado slicer thing to give as part of a wedding gift, but that also turned out to be an excellent tool for the mango, so alas, I will be keeping it for myself.

Because of the insane schedule I've had this spring/summer, it was several weeks before I was actually able to use mine. And when I did, several people noted that they were very interested in this amazing tool, so here is brief tutorial.

First here are all the tools necessary.

sorry for the picture quality, my phone didn't come through like it normally does.
here you see the mango, the slicer, the avocado tool, and a normal knife.

First you lop off one end of the mango, like so...

Then you stand the mango up on the flat end, and place the slicer appropriately based on the direction of the pit.

Next you press down on the slicer, like you would an apple slicer.

It cuts really well on a perfectly ripe mango.

Next you remove the pieces and use the avocado tool to scrape the meat out of the skin.

Worked like a champ. It didn't leave any deliciousness.

This was what was left.

I of course being the crazy person that I am, chose to eat the tiny bit of remaining mango off the pit, couldn't let it go to waste.

And here we have the pieces of delicious juicy juicy mango to take to work in the morning to eat during the week.

It was clearly a great success.

She Wanted a Truck

Back in the fall of 2000 my parents were in the United States visiting, I was a sophmore in college, and it was determined that it was time for me to purchase my first car.
What I really wanted was a purple Toyota Tacoma.
I had a list of reasons why the truck would be an awesome vehicle for me.

What my parents determined was best for me was a Ford Contour, I could choose either red or white.
They had a list of reasons why the four door car thing would be a good fit.

They being the people in control of my bank account, the one I was forced to put 50% of my allowance (a whole 10 SR, or about $3) every week into for all of my growing up, had the final say.

A red Ford Contour is what I drove back to campus in.

That red Ford Contour was a great car, and I drove it for a long time. Eleven whole years actually.

I drove it an innumerable number of times up north to Rumney in college.

My mom, brother, and I road tripped in the Ford Contour to look at colleges for him and visit DC and NYC the summer before 9/11. My brother and I got lost on the wrong side of the Potomac while trying to park it after dropping Mom off at the Holocaust museum, then we valet parked it in a sketch parking garage and didn't tell Mom. It was hard to explain when we had to ask a guy for our keys afterward.

I took lots of trips to retreats, the mountains, and beach in college with her.

My younger brother borrowed her many times his freshman, my senior year of college, returning her with signs that said things like "Go immediately to the gas station, I've been driving with the empty light on for about 25 miles."

After my college graduation we road tripped it out to Michigan. The trusty Ford Contour got me through grad school with little more needs than an occasional oil change. And of course gas to get me back and forth to work.

At the end of grad school we road tripped again, out to Minnesota to visit my cousins. It was just me and Connie through northern Michigan.

I got my first ticket in her. One for speeding my 2nd year of grad school. And one for following to closely on my way back from Minnesota.

Then at the end of June of that summer we road tripped it down to Kentucky for my new big girl job.

In Kentucky Connie started to require a little more maintenance. First she needed a new timing belt.

Then the air conditioning wasn't working.

She started acting funny. But she still got great gas mileage. And she was completely paid for. I kept driving her. People started to make fun of Connie, she was getting old and wrinkly really.

Then came the eggings.

Occasionally over the years there were times when I would think "it really would be nice if I had a truck, like all the times I moved in and out of dorms and apartments when my parents were 7 timezones away.

Or when I was going on camping trips with friends and we had gear. Or when I bought a new tv with my roommate and we were trying to shove it in a little four door car and had to take it out of the box to make it fit.

Here she is were we parked her before the infamous LBL hiking adventure

But for the most part Connie served me well, and I drove the life out of her.

So after the eggings stopped, it was determined that a new vehicle was in store for me.

I took two last road trips in Connie, one to meet my Mom in Fort Wayne, IN, and one to meet my parents in Branson, MO. Both times I was concerned that she would be able to make it through the trip without breaking down. She did, just barely. It was time for her to retire.

This time, I wasn't relenting, I was getting a truck, maybe not a purple one, but a truck none the less. After doing a little research, I determined that I had been right all along. In fact the Toyota tacoma gets about the same gas mileage as my dear contour got.

I talked it through with my dad, and he was all for it.

Mom on the other hand had a lot of concerns. I'm still not really sure why exactly. My favorite one was that if I got married and had kids, I wouldn't be able to haul them around with a truck. Jokes on her because my truck actually has a special hook thing for car seats which straps it to the frame, safer than buckling it into a minivan. And um, I haven't used it, because, well, I'm not married, and I don't have kids. But if that ever changes, don't worry, I'm ready, or at least my vehicle is.

Anyway, since I got my truck I have done a lot of hauling.

And each time I feel the need to take photos. I don't know why.

This is the first time I hauled stuff. Water and Gatorade for work. Made the task much easier.

This was on a recent trip to meet my mom, and transfer some furniture of my grandmother's including a table and chairs, as well as some china. This wasn't the final packing job, but you get the idea.

Here is the back of my truck filled with wood after the recent storm.

The truck, which doesn't have a name yet, I'm thinking Beloved, is about to take it's maiden voyage long road trip. We are headed all the way up to Rumney (with many stops along the way) and then we are bringing back my grandmother's dresser. Yup, definitely couldn't do that with Connie.

Save The Males

There is this one scene in the movie Bridget Jones Diary, after she has been arrested for carrying a large stash of drugs for a friend's boyfriend, that makes me laugh. Bridget Jones is sitting in jail, surrounded by whole bunch of Thai women.

One of the them asks her why she is so sad, the following dialogue ensues

What is wrong?

Bridget: Mark Darcy definitely...
...doesn't love me anymore.

Thai girls: Ohhh.

Bridget:You see the trouble is it was me who chucked him.

Thai girl 1: He treat you bad?

Bridget: Yeah, actually, he did.

Thai girl 1: My boyfriend treat me bad too.

Thai girl 2:- Me too.
Thai girl 3: Mine as well

Bridget: Then you know all about it. You think you've found the right man, but then there's so much wrong with him and he finds there's so much wrong with you and it all just falls apart.

Thai girl 1:Don't tell me. My boyfriend, he seem really nice. Then he start to hit me. Make me work on street.

Thai girl 2:My boyfriend, he say he love me but he do no work, and make me work 20 hour a day. Then he make me take heroin drug.

Thai girl 3: What about you, Bijjit? What your bad boyfriend do?

Bridget: Well, er,...he really didn't stick up for me at this lawyers' supper,... and, um, then he would fold his... Oh, same sort of thing, really.

It's as if all of a sudden the light bulb goes off in her head and Bridget realizes that her "bad boyfriend" wasn't such a bad guy after all.

I think I need to preface what I am about to say next with a disclaimer. There are some men in this world that truly have problems, who are unhealthy people, who abuse women in a variety of different ways. This is not the kind of men I am talking about.

I think sometimes we are all guilty of similar behavior. We sit around complaining about various and assorted men in our lives.

I've been in groups of single women, where we sit around and bash the single men we know. We come up with a variety of reasons they are terrible. I have at times participated, I am not proud of this fact.
We say things like...
"They are selfish"
"They send mixed signals"
"They don't dress well"
"They are loud and pesky"
"They are to quiet..."

I have been in groups of married women who do the same thing.
"My husband works too much"
"My husband doesn't make enough money"
"He doesn't tell me nice things the moment he walks in the door everyday"
"He hasn't gotten to the end of my 73 item to do list this weekend"
"His mom is annoying..."

What I've come to realize is that the man bashing really says more about the women complaining than it does about the men.

What it says about the women, is that they are choosing to view the men in their lives based on the men's ability to fulfill ALL of their needs, which ultimately is impossible for them to do. It also says that the women are choosing not to see the men as God's creations, His precious children.

Sometimes I feel like we women can't make up our minds. Recently I was having a conversation with some friends about what it means to be a gentleman. I found it interesting, because so many single women I know say all the time "where are all the gentlemen?" But then the moment a guy holds the door open, or offers to carry something, we say things like "what, does he think I am weak? Does he think I can't do it myself?"

Partly this is a regional phenomenon. Moving to Kentucky from the North and Northeast has radically changed my view on this. I remember when I first moved here, having to get used to allowing men to open the door for me. Now, when I am visiting the Northeast, I find myself standing there, with a group of people behind me, watching for the door to magically open. I am so used to not opening doors when there are men around, even if they are strangers, that it creates a quite comical scene when I am in places like New Hampshire.

Ultimately my point is this. There are a lot of great men out there, who love the Lord. There are a lot of married men that love their families, who are trying hard to follow Him, provide for their families, lead their families. There are a lot of single guys who are doing their best to be good brothers in Christ to the single women in their lives.

I think sometimes we women need to pray for them instead of complain about them, and cut them a little slack.

Breakfast

After posting about the chocolate chip pancakes several months ago, my friend Christi texted me to tell me that she totally agreed. She loves breakfast too, but never really cooks it because it's so much work for 1 person. We decided that sometime, after basketball season, we would get together and cook a big breakfast.
We had planned on spending time with some other friends last night, but when those plans fell threw, Christi and I decided that it would be the perfect opportunity to get together and have breakfast for dinner.

So we mixed up some pancakes, whole wheat of course

and we threw eggs in a bowl

and we mixed them up with some milk and a little pepper the way my dad does

and we cooked some turkey bacon

yes this was the healthy version on eating a big breakfast, because we can do that.

And we cooked the pancakes

yes that is a cast iron skillet, that's how we do it in my family, always the cast iron, it's why I have never in my life been anemic.

And then we sat down at the table

Yes we did actually use little wine glasses for the orange juice, because we can.

mmm, delish.

It was a successful breakfast.
Next time I think we will broaden our horizons and get fancy, with crepes or no flip pancakes or something.

Unpacking

Several years ago, when my Nana moved out of her home in Florida and into a much smaller apartment, my dad boxed up much of her china, into a sturdy wooden shipping container that has traveled around the world with oceanographic equipment. He also packed it into rubber maid footlockers when he ran out of space in the wooden box.

It sat in my parents' basement, waiting for me to have space for it, and for me to get married.

Then several years ago when I bought my house, it was all moved from my parents house in Michigan, to my basement and attic in Kentucky, and there it sat.
It sat boxed up, with the hope that one day, I would get married, because in my mind, single people don't have fine china. And if they do have it, they certainly don't have it out on display, or use it.

For 5 years it sat. Sometimes when I would go down into my basement to do laundry, I would look over at the large wooden box and wonder, what all was inside. I knew what my grandmother's china looked like, but I also knew that there had to be other things, based on the shear size and number of containers.

My mom would occasionally ask questions like "how many dinner plates are in that set of Nana's china?" or "what is the pattern number?"

I would say "Mom, I have no idea, it's all boxed up in the basement."

Over the course of last summer and fall, as God really worked on my heart and reminded me that the lies that had been fed to me about singleness were absolutely untrue, and holding me back from really living, I decided that it was time to unpack, both my life and my china.

While my parents were visiting in December we unpacked the actual China from the large wooden shipping crate.

We discovered that the china is one of the rare Noritake patterns with no number.

We even used them for our Christmas dinner

Over this past weekend, with some time off, I was able to organize the china on a small shelf that was given to me by Nana several years ago.

Then I started on the two footlockers in the attic. I had no idea what they contained, and I was curious. I have always loved my Nana's taste and style. Her things are always classic and timeless.

As I sat there unwrapping one piece after another, I realized that the act of taking the stuff out of the closet and unpacking it to enjoy was a quite good metaphor for how I had been living my life. If you had asked me 10 years ago where I would be today, what I would have described to you would have not in anyway looked like the life I am actually living. I had felt for a long time like there were so many things that I would like to be doing, but doing them alone just didn't seem like it was worth it. So sometimes, instead of enjoying the beauty of the life God has laid out for me, I was hiding it in a closet, where no one could see it. Though these lies were all my own, I don't think it helped at all that I had people in my life feeding it, but that is a story for another day.

I decided over a year ago to start unpacking my life, to start doing things I enjoy, even if it means doing them alone. I joined a triathlon club. I started going to a new church, which I had needed to do for a long time, but the thought of finding a new church alone, well it's not fun. I went on hikes by myself. I even went to a concert by myself, which let me just say, was HUGE. And yes people did stare at me at the concert of a popular Christian artist, one couple kept turning around, completely obvious, wondering when my friends or significant other would show up, so obvious they even asked.

And I decided this weekend that it was time to unpack the trunks in my attic. The ones I was sure contained beautiful things, that were sitting there untouched, waiting for my life to change, so that they could be enjoyed, the way society tells us we are suppose to enjoy them.

Yes the process of unpacking was messy. My Dad is an expert packer. There were bags and bags of tissue paper, packing paper, bubble wrap, and shredded paper. The shredded paper was hard to contain.
It was very similar to the process of unpacking my life. It was something that I absolutely had to do, but there was a lot of stuff that had to be taken off before the good stuff underneath could come out. And there were some things that had be taken out to the trash, or in other words eliminated. But in the end, it was totally worth it, because this is a small sampling of what was packed inside.