Sweet Spot

I am a planner. I have always been a planner. It has always been important to know what is coming next, to have time to prepare, both physically and emotionally.

I make itineraries, planning unplanned time into the plan.

I can't remember not being this way.

When I moved here to West Kentucky, I came without a plan. It was strange and weird for me, but I knew it was where I was suppose to be.

Throughout the years, various and assorted people have asked "how long are you going to stay here?" or "when do you think you will move on from here?"

As hard as it has been for this planner heart, I have always said "I will know when it's time."

Being here hasn't always been easy. Actually being here has never been easy. It has been downright miserable at times.

But I knew it wasn't time to go yet.

Recently I have felt God's nudging to step out in faith. Not just in one area of my life, but in several.

I know that the plan is for change. I just don't know what exactly that change is. I also know quite clearly that I am not the plan maker.

One step was to start a small group with some amazing sisters, 4 of them, all recent college grads, trying to find their way as they walk with God, without a road map. We have started meeting once a week to study His Word, and pray for each other, and hold each other accountable.

Last night we were talking about how exactly you know when God is calling for major changes in your life. Like how do you know when it's time for a new job? Or to sell your house and move into an apartment? Sometimes it can be really intimidating and scary. Some people become paralyzed by it.

As we were talking I remembered an experience I had years ago at one of my favorite favorite places.

I had this camper in my cabin, and on her medical form it said she was a "sleep runner." Interesting I thought, and that night as I put the girls to bed, I made sure to latch the door shut.

I was awoken sometime in the middle of the night, and sure enough there was my camper, running down a trail in the dark.

And I was running after her, with a flashlight, trying not to stumble and fall. It's really dark in those woods at night, especially if it's not a full moon. The tree coverage is dense. You can hardly see your hand in front of your face. There are roots and rocks and bends in the trail all over the place. It's easy to trip and fall in broad daylight. It's really hard to not trip and fall in the middle of the night. The flashlight gave just enough light to see my next step, each next step. The trail 10 feet ahead was not in view.

As I was running I remembered Psalm 119:105, and the old song that quotes it.
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and light unto my path."

That is when it hit me, chasing after sleep runner.

It's a light to my feet, illuminating what is directly in front of me, keeping me from falling flat on my face.

It doesn't say "Thy Word is a road map to the rest of your life, complete with symbols and a key."

Lately there has been a lot of asking and telling about major changes on the horizon in my life, and I keep saying "I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, and trusting that He has a plan." This is not an easy thing for me to say, and it is not an easy thing for me to do. But it is good, and it is right, and I feel like I'm in my sweet spot.

You know, when you hit a baseball on the exact right spot of the bat, with the exact right timing, and even if you aren't swinging for the fences, the ball is sailing towards the fences, because everything fell into place, just as it was suppose to.

I'm not playing baseball, but I am walking forward, and I am trusting God, and I don't understand a lot of what is going on, and I couldn't tell you what things will look like a month from now, or a year from now. But I do know that I am headed in the right direction, as little logical sense as it makes.