Maybe your biggest fear is feeling inadequate
or speaking in public.
Through a series of events recently I realized that my biggest fear is losing people that I love.
In June, when my Nana passed away, it was something we were all prepared for. She was, afterall, 96 and in ailing health.
Then in mid July I got a phone call on a Wednesday night that my Dad was in the hospital, they didn't know what was wrong with him, but his condition was rapidly deteriorating.
I was scared out of my mind.
I didn't sleep much.
I cried, hard.
I enlisted everyone I could possibly think of to pray. And pray they did.
I continued to feel overwhelmingly scared. I love my parents, I rely on them a lot, how and what would life be if my Dad wasn't around.
There came a moment late one night when I realized that thing that we all know in our head, but not always in our heart. We are not guaranteed much in this life, other than that God gives and takes away, and one day we will all stand before him, it's inevitable. I can't hold a knuckle white grip onto the things, err, people I deeply care about, because they are not in my hands, they are in HIS hands.
My Dad's condition continued to deteriorate and he was transferred to a much bigger and better hospital where they were finally able to diagnose him. They started treating him for a rare form of Guillian Barre.
My fears turned from "will he live?" to "will he walk again and lead a 'normal' life"
I googled prognosis, I read research, and I prayed and continued to ask friends and family around the world to pray. They did. They still are.
In ways that only God can, He provided healing for my Dad. It's delivery did include amazing specialists and medications. He still has progress to make. My Dad walked out of the hospital with a cane just 20 days after initial onset of symptoms. This is pretty much unheard of.
Why am I surprised? Isn't God the God who makes the impossible possible?
In Daniel 3, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago refuse to bow down to the gods that King Nebuchadnezzar had created. They are brought before the King and questioned. They are about to be thrown into the fiery furnace. In verses 16-18 they respond "O Nebuchadnezza, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O King, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
If you know the story, you know that they were thrown into the furnace, and then they walked out. They left the king praising God.
There were several nights in a row that I didn't really sleep, but I prayed, that God would heal my Dad, but if He didn't I would still praise Him, I would still trust Him.
That was really hard. What I really wanted to do was drive to Michigan, yell at doctors, and take things into my own rediculous hands.
God did and is healing my Dad, and so many friends are praising God with us as a result.
Would I want to go through this again? No
At the same time I'm thankful for the reminder that the One who is in control, is not me, and is faithful. No matter what.
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