Riding Around in Cars: Mom Friends and the Single Girl

Disclaimer: After posting this, I received much feedback, mostly from friends, some with kids, some without, who loved it, wanted to share it with their mom's group, etc... and a very small few who thought I was specifically talking about them or their group of friends. The reality is that I had no one specific in mind when I wrote this post other than the amazing mom friends I am thankful to have in my life. They are women from all sorts of walks of life, some work, some don't, some are planning on homeschooling, some are former public school teachers who aren't sure how they are going to educate their kids yet, some are family, some are college friends. I respect and value them all. I had recently read a blog post by a woman who was lamenting that after her recent marriage, her single friends had faded from her life. I commented that while it's true many single friends feel very awkward after their friends get married, she might consider whether or not she had stopped calling, returning phone calls, whether she was too busy every time they asked to get together etc... with her single friends. She hadn't thought of that and responded that it was true, she had stopped. Out of that and three days in a row of mom friends asking me to sit in the car with their kids, came this post. This is not in anyway a commentary on what makes a good mom or how people should or shouldn't raise their children

I've figured it out.
All my mom friends really want is to have someone sit in the car with their kids while they run into the store for a few quick things.

And that is fine with me.
That's when we take the crazy face photos.

Meanwhile their mom's run inside to grab a coffee, or snacks for Bible study tonight.

It's been an interesting ride with some moms in my life.
Some treated me like my singleness was a disease they might catch.Those were the mom friends who acted like they had it all together, wouldn't admit that life was hard, and were too proud to say "hey I just really want to order coffee without my kids screaming about donuts."  Those people aren't friends anymore.  I learned that those friendships were friendships of convenience, and it just wasn't convenient for them anymore.

Some said "yes I'd love to spend time with you, want to come over and help me take my kids to the park? I really need them to run around but am a little overwhelmed and would love an extra set of hands"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And then they asked "hey would you mind if we stopped at Dunkin Donuts and I ran inside while you stayed with the kids?"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And they said "hey do you want anything?"
And I said no "I grabbed my coffee on the way over, take your time, bask in the moment, read the whole menu if you want."

Memo to the mom friends, singleness is not a disease, you can't catch it, but your single friends would probably love to help you get the kids into their car seats, and sit in the car while you run in to grab 3 items at the grocery store, just for the opportunity to hang out with the friends they love, even though those friends are married and have kids.

I've been spending a bunch of time with mom friends lately, which means their kids have been telling me all the family secrets while they ran into the store.

Yesterday I learned that my cousin's husband poops.  I mean I think I kind of, sort of knew that, but it was confirmed for me, while mom was in the store.

Want a litmus test mom friends?  Here it is, if you are no longer friends with, or haven't seen your single friends in ages, stop to take a moment and think about why?  Did you start telling them that you had a problem with your their singleness?  Did you tell them you were too busy having play dates with all your mom friends?  Did you forget how to talk about anything but poop, potty training, and freezer cooking?

I've heard a million times about how "single people are selfish" or "single people just don't understand" or "single people ..." fill in the blank, basically we are terrible moody selfish people.  To be honest, that is true of some single people.  But the rest of us would love to sit in the car with your kids if you would just give us the chance, just for an opportunity to serve you and to talk with you, and spend time with you.

I am so thankful for the mom friends who have been willing to take the time to remain friends, and who haven't become so wrapped up in being a mom that they have lost sight of who God created them to be.  Being a mom does change you, that is true, but it doesn't mean you have to cut out all the people who aren't at that stage of life.  God didn't call you to be a mom, He called you to be a godly woman, no matter what stage of life you are in.  Those people who aren't in the same stage of life as you might in fact enrich your life, if you would let them.  And you and your kids have the opportunity to enrich their lives, if you would just take it.