Why the mud?

When I brought Brady home she was a cute little pup.

We immediately started working on things, like not chewing everything in sight

I quickly learned that she is super cute, and super loving, and super social. AND SUPER DEFIANT.

I was repeatedly told by my Aunt, who has always had well behaved dogs, that I needed to socialize her.

So I took her to work a lot that first summer when she was a puppy.

The kids made sure she was hydrated.

We also took trips to the lake to learn how to swim. She loves to swim.

She was unsure of the water in some friends' pool last summer.

but she eventually got in. She was a good pup and used the stairs to get in and out, so as not to damage the lining.

Brady is a hilarious friend.

She loves to pose for pictures. I don't normally dress her up, she had the bandana on because she had just gotten a grooming from the pre-vet students. It's cheep and they clip her nails, which I hate to do.


But what Brady really loves is mud.

She also loves to swim in lakes, ponds, and the ocean.

But those are just substitutes for mud.

Nothing makes her more proud of herself than to plop down in a mud puddle and roll around.

It seems that every time I take her to the dog park, she will play and frolic with the other dogs, until she finds the mud. Often the other dogs will just watch and stare.

She comes out looking like this.

That was last summer. Notice the pride and contentment with herself. And also her refusal to look at me because she knows I am not happy.

Saturday I took her to the dog park, there were a lot of other dogs there.

She found a mud puddle, she laid down in it. I told her to stop and get out. She listened, for maybe the first time ever. At least she wasn't completely covered in mud, just her undercarriage.

She still got hosed down thoroughly before being allowed back in the house.

So yesterday it was sunny out for a brief period. We went for a walk and it started raining.
We stopped at the softball game, where they were in a rain delay.

Brady refused to sit under the tent. She sat nicely like a well behaved dog, but out in the rain where she could get wet.

Here she is. I think if she could speak she would be saying "you can make me sit and behave, and you can refuse to let me roll around in the mud by keeping me on the leash, but you can't make me sit under the tent. So take that."

Bugs in the rice.

There are times in my life when it is undeniably obvious that my childhood, though an exciting adventure, was very much bizarre.

When I came back to the United States for boarding school, there were things that I knew were different about my upbringing, no one had to tell me that.

Though my friends and I had tried to stay current, we were definitely out of touch with current culture here in the US.

What caught me off guard at times, still catches me off guard sometimes, are the little things that I just assumed were normal. The things that pop up out of the blue and throw me off a little, and remind me that though I have been in the states for most of the time for the last 15 years, the desert and community that I grew up in is still a big part of who I am.

One day, late in my college career, my junior or senior year, I was down in the athletic training room fulfilling my clinical hours. I was treating a student athlete when she said, "You will never guess what I found in my rice, it was so disgusting."

Me: "were there bugs?"

Student athlete: "How did you know?"

Me: "It's not that unusual to have bugs in the rice. Just throw it in the freezer for a couple days, it will kill them. Then when you cook the rice the bugs will float to the top and you can just skim them off."

AWKWARD SILENCE

Student athlete: "are you joking? I'm not freezing it and skimming the bugs off, I'm taking it back to the store for an exchange."

Me: "Why would you do that? If there are bugs in your bag, there are probably bugs in the whole shipment, so the bag you exchange it with will have bugs too."

Then I looked up from what I was doing and noticed that about five people were staring at me.

"You are so weird" someone said.

"What? It's not normal for there to be bugs in the rice here?" I replied

"No Cate it is not normal"

"Oh, I didn't know" was all I could think to say.

And still pretty much anytime I throw rice into a pot I am still amazed that there are no bugs.

Thankful Thursdays 4/28/2011

301 Successfully rearranging furniture without killing myself
302 a clean and organized house
303 being able to help a friend who was locked out of their house
304 being able to rearrange my afternoon to spend time with a friend who needed it
305 setting out the fancy china for Easter dinner

306 the ushers at church having to set up more chairs
307 This song on easter morning



Casting Crowns was not at my church, but my church's worship team performed it

308 having people over for Easter dinner
309 having really good, healthy food for Easter dinner
310 various and assorted friends meeting each other
311 hearing my brother describe almost catching a foul ball at a Red Sox game
312 the Red Sox finally sweeping a series
313 someone I know being okay after a really bad car wrack
314 talking to my mom for over an hour on the phone
315 talking to my niece and nephew on the phone
316 a really great hair day, it doesn't happen that often for us curly haired girls
317 feeling cute in an outfit
318 vacation plans coming together
319 the gift of a cadbury egg early in the morning
320 that the tree fell across the street and not onto both my truck and my house (it did however take out the car belonging to a neighbors friend. had it fallen differently it would have done a lot more damage.)

321 that the riser did minimal damage to my truck when it fell

322 my electrician neighbor
323 friends with power to cook food and charge phones and take showers
324 catching up with friends I haven't seen in a while
325 basements during storms

326 the indoor s'more maker, it's good for more the just s'mores

here we have hot dogs

Storms

I knew the storms were coming.
I had been getting alerts on my phone all day.

I went to bed knowing that at some time in the night the sirens would start humming and I would travel down two flights of stairs to my basement.

But the sirens didn't come, and instead I was woken by the sound of wind, it sounded like a freight train.

I ran down stairs and as I got to the first floor of my home I heard a huge crack.

I dove for my couch and then heard a series of what sounded like explosions.

Then I waited, and it was dark and silent, for a moment.

And then I heard my neighbors calling.

I stepped out onto my porch, a giant tree was down, on my neighbors car, and all the way across the road.

This is what it looked like the next morning

I noticed there were flames coming from the roof across the street.
Later it would be determined that it was actually just the tree on the roof and not the actually roof itself.

I looked at my truck, parked in my driveway, there was a metal pole and wires on it.

The rain was coming down pretty hard, thankfully. It put out the fire.
About 20 minutes after initially noticing the fire and my neighbors calling 911, the fire department showed up.

"Ma'am are you and everyone in your house okay?"
"Yes me and my trusty pup are fine"
actually I didn't say that but I told him I was fine.
Then he surveyed the scene and determined that is was not safe.

"MA'AM DO NOT TOUCH ANY OF THESE POWER LINES!" he sternly told me.

"Thanks" I replied, chuckling in my head. I really wanted to say "bummer I was planning on running around barefoot." It was 2 am or there abouts, I was tired, adrenaline was pumping, and I was stuck on my porch.

The rest of the night was unrestful bouts of sleep, interrupted by the really loud walkie talkies of the power company as workers walked around reporting outages and damage.

In the morning when I finally was able to get off my porch because the power lines in my yard were not live anymore, I realized that we were trapped on our block

I stood in my yard and called both my homeowners insurance and my car insurance.

I was able to walk to the end of my block where a friend picked me up to take me into my office so I could do somethings that had to be done. Then I went to a meeting, then a coworker drove me home.

This is where she dropped me off.

.

This is in front of my house.

I ended the day hanging out with some friends, catching up and eating dinner where there was power!

And then I "slept" on my couch last night as another round of heavy storms rolled through, thankfully this time there were no trees downed on my street or damage to my property.

Though power has been restored to my street. My house is still without, as I waited for the homeowners insurance to approve the cost for my electrician (and helpful neighbor) to be able to start to reinstall the stuff that is suppose to be attached to my house. Then of course 10 minutes after it was approved, it started raining and lightening and thundering, so he couldn't work.

I am still without power though anticipate getting it back tomorrow.

Fun times I tell ya, really fun.

Thankful Thursdays 4/22/2011

278 seeing God provide for a student athlete who is going on a mission trip this summer
279 seeing God use steps of faith one student athlete is taking to minister to her whole team
280 sleeping past 7 am!!!!
281 taking Brady to the dog park and running into a friend I haven't seen in a while
282 spending a Sunday in bed reading
283 the book Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman
284 celebrating the coming King on Palm Sunday
285 the anticipation of Easter
286 that I pulled off the highway when my tire pressure gauge went off
287 that I pulled off into a truck stop with a full service garage
288 that the very nice mechanic was able to quickly, cheaply, and successfully fix the tire
289 a great massage
290 celebration a 10th birthday
291 getting swim in the morning
292 breakfast for dinner
293 having a good attitude in about an abrupt change of plans
294 safety during a bad storm
295 branches to make an Easter tree
296 being surprised by breakfast at Cracker Barrel
297 being inspired by my students
298 doing something completely out of my element
299 Arwen listing the weirdest things I've ever done
300 Remembering Christ's sacrifice on the cross

Breakfast

After posting about the chocolate chip pancakes several months ago, my friend Christi texted me to tell me that she totally agreed. She loves breakfast too, but never really cooks it because it's so much work for 1 person. We decided that sometime, after basketball season, we would get together and cook a big breakfast.
We had planned on spending time with some other friends last night, but when those plans fell threw, Christi and I decided that it would be the perfect opportunity to get together and have breakfast for dinner.

So we mixed up some pancakes, whole wheat of course

and we threw eggs in a bowl

and we mixed them up with some milk and a little pepper the way my dad does

and we cooked some turkey bacon

yes this was the healthy version on eating a big breakfast, because we can do that.

And we cooked the pancakes

yes that is a cast iron skillet, that's how we do it in my family, always the cast iron, it's why I have never in my life been anemic.

And then we sat down at the table

Yes we did actually use little wine glasses for the orange juice, because we can.

mmm, delish.

It was a successful breakfast.
Next time I think we will broaden our horizons and get fancy, with crepes or no flip pancakes or something.

Unpacking

Several years ago, when my Nana moved out of her home in Florida and into a much smaller apartment, my dad boxed up much of her china, into a sturdy wooden shipping container that has traveled around the world with oceanographic equipment. He also packed it into rubber maid footlockers when he ran out of space in the wooden box.

It sat in my parents' basement, waiting for me to have space for it, and for me to get married.

Then several years ago when I bought my house, it was all moved from my parents house in Michigan, to my basement and attic in Kentucky, and there it sat.
It sat boxed up, with the hope that one day, I would get married, because in my mind, single people don't have fine china. And if they do have it, they certainly don't have it out on display, or use it.

For 5 years it sat. Sometimes when I would go down into my basement to do laundry, I would look over at the large wooden box and wonder, what all was inside. I knew what my grandmother's china looked like, but I also knew that there had to be other things, based on the shear size and number of containers.

My mom would occasionally ask questions like "how many dinner plates are in that set of Nana's china?" or "what is the pattern number?"

I would say "Mom, I have no idea, it's all boxed up in the basement."

Over the course of last summer and fall, as God really worked on my heart and reminded me that the lies that had been fed to me about singleness were absolutely untrue, and holding me back from really living, I decided that it was time to unpack, both my life and my china.

While my parents were visiting in December we unpacked the actual China from the large wooden shipping crate.

We discovered that the china is one of the rare Noritake patterns with no number.

We even used them for our Christmas dinner

Over this past weekend, with some time off, I was able to organize the china on a small shelf that was given to me by Nana several years ago.

Then I started on the two footlockers in the attic. I had no idea what they contained, and I was curious. I have always loved my Nana's taste and style. Her things are always classic and timeless.

As I sat there unwrapping one piece after another, I realized that the act of taking the stuff out of the closet and unpacking it to enjoy was a quite good metaphor for how I had been living my life. If you had asked me 10 years ago where I would be today, what I would have described to you would have not in anyway looked like the life I am actually living. I had felt for a long time like there were so many things that I would like to be doing, but doing them alone just didn't seem like it was worth it. So sometimes, instead of enjoying the beauty of the life God has laid out for me, I was hiding it in a closet, where no one could see it. Though these lies were all my own, I don't think it helped at all that I had people in my life feeding it, but that is a story for another day.

I decided over a year ago to start unpacking my life, to start doing things I enjoy, even if it means doing them alone. I joined a triathlon club. I started going to a new church, which I had needed to do for a long time, but the thought of finding a new church alone, well it's not fun. I went on hikes by myself. I even went to a concert by myself, which let me just say, was HUGE. And yes people did stare at me at the concert of a popular Christian artist, one couple kept turning around, completely obvious, wondering when my friends or significant other would show up, so obvious they even asked.

And I decided this weekend that it was time to unpack the trunks in my attic. The ones I was sure contained beautiful things, that were sitting there untouched, waiting for my life to change, so that they could be enjoyed, the way society tells us we are suppose to enjoy them.

Yes the process of unpacking was messy. My Dad is an expert packer. There were bags and bags of tissue paper, packing paper, bubble wrap, and shredded paper. The shredded paper was hard to contain.
It was very similar to the process of unpacking my life. It was something that I absolutely had to do, but there was a lot of stuff that had to be taken off before the good stuff underneath could come out. And there were some things that had be taken out to the trash, or in other words eliminated. But in the end, it was totally worth it, because this is a small sampling of what was packed inside.

Thankful Thursdays 4/14/2011

better late than never
246 visors
247 the shot that makes the eczema go away and also helps my asthma for 3 months as an added side bonus
248 a really hard kick-boxing workout
249 red mountain church music
250 getting to help plan my BFFs bridal shower even though I live far away
251 the healthy delivery of a childhood friend's new son
252 God reminding me in a hilarious way that there are still good looking single guys out there
253 pictures of baby Lopez, who is not yet born
254 Facebook allowing me to communicate with friends and family who live far away
255 not having to set an alarm
256 having time to actually cook good healthy meals
257 actually having the time to fold and put away laundry
258 amazing running weather
259 being done with a yearly project that is sometimes frustrating
260 things written by Rick Reilly
261 that the Red Sox beat the Yankees
262 a friend thinking to ask if I wanted anything from Trader Joes
263 God giving me the opportunity to encourage a friend to continue to pursue Him
264 finding common interests with my sister in law
265 others encouraging me as I step out in faith to get involved serving at church
266 getting to go to church before leaving out on a trip with a team on a Sunday
267 driving home towards a beautiful sunset
268 farmers out in the fields getting them ready for planting, reminding me that God tills the soil of our hearts preparing them for His truths
269 a delicious salad
270 trying out new restaurants
271 hanging out with friends I haven't seen in a while
272 rain that knock pollen out of the air
273 driving by a man walking down the road carrying a giant cross
274 safe travels in a week that I had to drive a lot of miles
275 a diagnosis that was better than expected
276 getting to see my mom, even if it was just for a few hours
277 Finding out that in at least one instance Arwen is right about the facial hair thing, true story

Regrets

Recently I've been ready a mostly funny book. It's by Rick Reilly and it's called "Who's Your Caddy?"
In the book Reilly (who is one of my all time favorite sports writers) recounts his experiences caddying for all sorts of people from pro golfers like John Daly and Tom Lehman, to Donald Trump, to the worlds best gambling golfer.
In one chapter he recounts the tournament he caddied for professional golfer David Duval, it was a tournament in which PGA golfers where teamed up with golfers on the senior tour, and for the first time ever, David was paired with his dad.
Reilly shares about the relationship between the Duvals, which was shaped by the death of David's older brother when they were kids from a rare blood disorder. Bob, David's dad, had been a golf pro at a local club, struggled with alcoholism, divorced his wife, and after getting back on his feet, was encouraged by his son to try for the senior tour.

At the end of the chapter, Reilly says this "and, for just that second there, I got to thinking about my dad. And I got to thinking how great it would've been to play just one tournament with him. But even after he stopped drinking, I was still angry at him and, underneath that, scared of him too. And when I finally stopped being scared of him he was too old to play anymore. To bad too. He was good. He shot a 63 once on sand greens... I always wanted to go with him, but he never took me. Maybe I never asked."

"I'd love to go back and see my dad as just a guy, just like me, with his goodness and his faults." continues Reilly.

I was reading that, and I thought about the regrets we all have in our lives. Not all of us have regrets about our parents. I am thankful for great relationships with both of my parents.

Some of us have regrets about past romantic relationships, or relationships with siblings, or relationships with friends.

Some of us have regrets about things we did, or didn't do. Some of us have regrets about things we said, or should have said.

The reality is that no matter how hard each of us tries to live without regrets, no matter how often we try to do the right thing, life doesn't always turn out how we expect it. Sometimes we make poor choices. Sometimes other people make poor choices. Sometimes nobody made a poor choice, it just didn't happen how we wished, or hoped.

No matter how hard I try to plan and schedule so that things happen the way I want them to, life happens, and it's not always going to go as I planned.

Yesterday I was on the phone with Arwen, I was telling her that I was worried about a potential situation that might or might not happen. She gently reminded me that I am only in control of my words, actions, and reactions. She told me to quit worrying about things I can't control.

Then after the thing I was worried about happening didn't happen, I was reminded of these verses.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34

Jesus here is talking about worrying about the future, but I think maybe it can be applied to the past also. Christ died for my sins, past, present, and future. When I came to know Him as Lord and Savior, He wiped my slate clean. And yet sometimes I still find myself wonder, what if. The exception to this of course is in instances where our actions hurt another person, which of course requires us to go to that person and ask forgiveness for the things we did.

And that is what I want to tell Rick Reilly. I'm sure it stinks that he didn't come to these realizations about his dad until it was too late, but there is nothing he can do about it now. All he can really do is put one foot in front of the other, and the next time he is faced with an opportunity to forgive and live without regrets, I hope he does.

ZUMBA!!!!

It's no secret to most people that working out is something I love to do. Whether it's a long run, or a kick boxing class, or a hike in the woods, or a swim, I am probably going to enjoy myself.

One of the keys to enjoying working out for me is that I occasionally need to switch things up a bit. Routine is good, but routine can get rather boring.

A few weeks ago I decided to tryout a zumba class
If you are wondering what on earth zumba is, here is a quick video


watch the lady in the neon green shirt and black pants in the back, that's pretty much how I looked the first couple times. I would like to also say that I quickly realized that though I am left handed, when doing dance moves to the right, I am incredibly more coordinated than when I do the same move to the left. WHO KNEW?

We are talking about the girl who used to skip dance lessons as a kid to get an extra swim practice in, much to the chagrin of my mother.

But I had a blast. For one how can you not have fun in a fitness class that involves disco ball lights, with the overhead lights turned off, and a bunch of women dancing around like fools? It was like a middle school dance, except without all the awkward boys.

And when I say women, I mean from college age to mid 50s. I have never been in a fitness class with such a wide range of age groups and fitness levels. And all of them were having a blast as they tried out their best hip hop moves, and salsa, and who knows what else. Some of the older women after every song look at each other and shake their heads and chuckle. It's so great.

And I sweat so much, I mean I was dripping in sweat.
And the day after my first class, I laughed at something and realized that my abs were incredibly sore. I had not done a single crunch, or Russian twist, or V up, but OH MY GOSH they were sore.

So I keep going back. It's like going to a club, without actually going to a club, no drunk people, no scummy guys, no one inappropriately dressed since everyone's wearing workout clothes.

If you are board in your fitness routine, or maybe you don't have a fitness routine and want to start but everything seems boring or intimidating to you, here is my encouragement, GO TRY SOMETHING NEW.

Thankful Thursdays 4/7/2011

210 a schedule
211 leftovers
212 an outlet for creativity
213 flip-flops
214 gift cards for massages
215 the movie Dan in Real Life
216 free movies at the public library
217 that the state department sent my old passport back with my new one

and all the memories it contains

218 that I have a valid passport and can travel, should the opportunity present itself
219 the opportunity to make someone elses day
220 hearing banter about cricket matches
221 talking about old Italian grandmothers and their food, with someone who has an old Italian grandmother
222 warm sun all day
223 someone hearing about my family and seeing pictures and reminding me they are beautiful
224 a good book
225 hugs at church
226 inspiration
227 not getting bad tan lines while sitting out at tennis
228 the Lord's supper
229 hearing people's testimonies
230 people sending messages to me that the blog has been insightful and encouraging
231 that there have been signs up in the dining hall for a week stating shoes are required in anticipation of a day without shoes
232 that I have shoes to wear
233 a new photo of my sponsor child

yes I took a photo of a photo, easier than scanning

234 hilarious coworkers
235 an amazing homemade burger
236 ice cream scoops for dishing out cookies and oreo balls
237 feet comparisons
238 old ladies at zumba cracking themselves up
239 the people who change my truck oil, they are honest, show me the air filters every time even if they don't need to be replaced, and always vacuum
240 seeing lightning hit the ground pretty much right in front of my truck
241 the man who swings his arms as he walks around the arena at 6am
242 the reactions of the people in my small town as they realized we finally had 3G
243 hearing someone tell their very first (and hilarious) joke in English
244 "Cate I gave blood yesterday and I didn't even pass out"
245 giant marshmallows in Kentucky, FINALLY

Sure, I can translate that

One time I was called over from my office to another one of our facilities, one of my graduate assistances couldn't understand a student athlete. The student athlete was trying hard to be understood, and the GA was trying hard to understand, but there was just nothing that was being conveyed on either end.

One time I was told "Cate for the first year I was here in the states, you were the only person who I ever really thought understood what I was saying."

One time I was handed the phone and told "translate"
Translate? Okay? I didn't know what to expect from the other end.
I found an English speaker, but not a native English speaker.

The other day I was spending time with a group of athletes I work with who speak Portuguese as their first language. One of them has been teaching me for several months. I can say exciting things like "hello how are you" and name parts of the body, and different articles of clothing. He even taught me "it's too hard." But fluent I am not.
So I was standing there with two of them, and watching as their teammate yelled at himself in Portuguese. And after every statement he made, I would give my translation.
"HIT THE BALL"
"HIS SERVE IS HORRIBLE"
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME"

The young man on the left was astonished. "Cate your Portuguese is so good! I can't believe it"

The one on the right was laughing so hard I think he was about to pee his pants "Dude she doesn't speak Portuguese, I swear." He is the one who has been teaching me, he knows the truth.

It became a joke, and so now every time I am out watching a match, they will say "Cate what did he just say?" and I will give my translation. Most of the time I am pretty accurate. On Sunday one of them said something to the other and I said "Let's go get some Quiznos." They started laughing, it's what they do.
"NO Cate, I said "let's go get our stuff""
I told him that I was close enough. Sandwiches from Quiznos, stuff, same difference.

The thing that has really struck me about it though, is that it's not that hard. For one, just look at the context. Look at the body language, body language is a large part of communication.

Sometimes when I am watching television, I find it very funny that they will put captions with a person who is not a native English speaker, I think to myself "Really? Is it that hard to understand him."

Sometimes when I am at a restaurant, and I hear someone trying to order in English, when they would much rather speak Urdu or Arabic or French, and the waitress is being impatient, I get frustrated. I want to get up and go over and say "seriously, it's not that hard, listen carefully and watch what she is saying. Quit being so lazy, and be a better communicator, they are trying really hard, they aren't the problem here."

I have even noticed lately that when I am around internationals, I change the way I speak. I slow way down, and I enunciate, and sometimes I add a bit of an accent. I don't really even realize I am doing it, it just happens.

I have had to recognize that from a young age, my ear has been trained to listen harder, to understand English with all sorts of different accents. Your average american has not had this experience, and I need to be patient with them.

So in the mean time, while they learn to listen better, I'd be happy to translate, your English into English.

Some Myths about this single life

Last night I was in my kitchen preparing some food for an event I have tonight, which requires bringing food. I really needed a food processor, but since I don't have one, I was trying to crush up oreos and mix in cream cheese with my potato masher. It was a struggle. As I was thinking about how nice it would be to have a food processor, I started thinking about some common myths that many married people have about single people. I thought I would share a few with you today.

Myth: Single people have more free time.

Truth: While it's true that single people don't have to consult anyone about how to spend their time, they definitely don't necessarily HAVE more of it. For one, most single people I know have full time jobs. They still have to cook, and clean, and do laundry. They still have to grocery shop, and go to the bank. They still have to mow the lawn. While married folk, especially if they have kids, might have more to do, married couples have 2 sets of hands to do the work, single people have to do it themselves. Adding to the fact that single people don't necessarily have more free time is the fact that most employers expect single people to spend more time at work, be willing to always step in when the married folk have family obligations, work holidays and weekends, etc... I actually have one friend who's boss has told her on several occasions that she is not allowed to take vacations because she is single, only long weekends, when she is married and has a family she will understand, or so they tell her.

Myth: Single people have more disposable income

Truth: Young married couples typically have 2 incomes and live off one, using the extra income to pay off debt, build savings, etc... Single people don't have that luxury. While the married folk are paying off their school loans quickly, or their credit card debt quickly, or whatever, the single folk are paying their loan payments, and their rent or mortgage, and what ever else off just 1 income. While single people have more freedom to choose how they spend their disposable income, they don't generally actually have more of it.
I actually got an angry email one time when I was told by a married individual that I would be participating financially in a group gift. I replied stating that I had already purchased a gift within my budget for the individual and that I would not be participating. The organizer got angry, stating that they had already counted my contribution and purchased the gift card, and they didn't understand why I couldn't just fork over more money, since I don't have anything better to spend it on.

Myth: single people get what they want when they want it

Truth: sort of related to the whole disposable income thing. While my married friends got their houses outfitted when they had those wedding showers, I'm still trying to catch up in a sense. I never had a party where people gave me whatever I wanted on a long list of things I wanted for my house. For this reason, I have asked for things like dishes for Christmas and birthdays. That stuff can add up pretty quickly. For the last two christmass I have actually put a food processor on the short list I send my mom. I think my family thinks it's a joke. That or they are tired of buying me stuff for my house. I mean, they have given me towels that match already. So while my married friends don't have to worry about dishes or towels or food processors, because they got all that when they got married, if it's something I need, I have to buy it myself or ask for it for Christmas and birthdays, when what I really want are a pair of Toms shoes, and a bike.

A Marriage Like Theirs

Recently a long time family friend, a lifelong mentor in my life, posted this in a Facebook note.

"It is harder to live the Christian life at home than elsewhere. Husbands can be more courteous to other women than their wives. Wives can give more deference to other men than their husbands. Familiarity breeds contempt or at least disrespect. We take each other for granted. The Christian home is the outpost of Christianity. God places us in this environment to represent him here on earth.
If someone asked me, "How much does Christ love the church?" could I point to you? Could I say, "look at how he loves his wife"? If someone asked me, "How does the church submit to Christ?" could I point to you? Could I say, "look at how she submits to her husband"?" - Mrs. Cindi

I am grateful for the examples passed down to me, from couples who have been a part of my life for longer than I can remember.

Even though I am not married yet, I have some definite ideals about what I want my marriage to look like and not look like, when and if God finally brings that into my life.

Most of those ideals come from examples that have been lived out in front of me, both the good, and the bad.

First of course are my parents, the hilarious people that they are. My parents are some of the most giving people I know, my mom is emotionally generous, whereas my dad is always willing to give of his hard work. Growing up he was always fixing something, or building something. My parents make a good team. For example, when my parents host events at their house (which they do often, and always have) my dad is the man behind the vacumm, cleaning and organizing, and putting up enough folding tables. My mom is the one in the kitchen, the mastermind behind the food (though my dad contributes to the cooking also). My mom is the creative one, who has ideals, my Dad is the organized one who has the plan to make it happen. As parents, they were a united front. It was a regular occurrence in our house that we kids would ask for permission to do or have something, and the response was "Go ask your mother/father." or "What did your mother/father say?" When they were making decisions about us kids, they typically made them together. This doesn't mean that they always agreed, or never had arguments, but to them it was important to be on the same page about things. My dad always, but especially since we have moved back to the states has been protective of my mom and her emotional well being, allowing her to be the emotionally generous. My mom is also the first one to point out the great things about my dad, like when he is hammering on a project in the basement at 5:30 in the morning and the rest of us would like to sleep. Like I said previously, my parents didn't always agree, but they typically had/have their disagreements behind closed doors, not in front of us kids or others who happen to be around.

Beyond my parents there were several other couples who shaped my view of marriage in a positive manner, all of them were involved in the fellowship I grew up in.

Burt and Cindi are a few years younger than my parents, and were heavily involved in our youth activities. Burt is a helicopter pilot and Cindi stayed home with their three boys, and now currently with the three daughters that the Lord literally plopped in their laps, just when they thought they were done with parenting young ones. So they have 3 sons in or out of college, and three daughters who are not yet teenagers. Cindi and Burt have always been the go with the flow kind of couple, who love to have people stop by, the more the merrier, there are countless numbers of kids that grew up with their kids that count them as a second set of parents. Cindi and Burt are the kind of couple who view another person at the door as just another member to welcome to the family. At the same time, Cindi and Burt are unwavering in their commitment to the Lord. They are truly unashamed of the Gospel. They are willing and do share with anyone who will listen. I appreciate the prayerfulness with which Cindi approaches mentoring. I appreciate the transparency, just ask her how she came to know the Lord. It was frequent that she told me about decisions she made as a young adult that she wished she hadn't. I am thankful for the wisdom she imparted to me as a teenager and college student, and I still value the advice she gives today. The fall of my freshman year of college was a difficult one, at the end of the semester I got the news that the first of the 3 girls would be coming to live with Cindi and Burt, I knew that Cindi had always wanted a daughter. I arrived home just a few days after Cindi arrived home with the newborn. I vividly remember calling to ask if I could come meet the new princess, I would not stay long. I knew they were jet lagged, and exhausted, and having to quickly adjust to a huge life change, scrounge up baby supplies in a country where they were largely unavailable. "Yes" Cindi said, "I want to see you, please come, you didn't even need to call." I shouldn't have been surprised, and my mom shouldn't have been surprised when it was hours later that I ended up back at our house.

Dan and Pat are the cute couple that are so cute that you probably want to vomit, except that they are just so cute. Dan and Pat I have also known all my life. As long as I have known them Dan has always referred to his wife as Sunshine. Not "she is my sunshine" but literally he uses it instead of her name, as in "I don't know what Sunshine has planned, let me check with her first." To see Dan and Pat is to see them holding hands. Again, I know their life has not always been easy, they got married as teenagers, I think Pat was 16 and Dan was 18. They also didn't know the Lord when got married, that came later. Four daughters fairly close in age, including a set of twins, and 12? grandchildren later, they are still married, still totally in love, still completely grace filled. Pat is the kind of person who always makes sure to remind you that you are loved. I don't think I have ever been in her presence without her saying as we are parting ways, "Cate we love you." I have never ever ever ever heard a harsh word or tone ever come out of their mouths directed at each other. For that matter, I don't think I have ever heard a harsh tone come out of their mouth directed at anyone. I know there are things that they are passionate about, I know that there are things that make them angry, but never ever have I heard either of them criticize the other, not at church, not in small groups, not out to lunch with the ladies, not on a shopping trip. I have heard "oh Dan would love this" or "oh this would look good on Sunshine."

James and Cathy are the daughter and son-in-law to Pat and Dan. Cathy and her twin sister were occasionally my babysitters as a small child. Then James was my swim coach starting in about the 3rd grade. Cathy came to visit her parents when I was in the 5th grade. My friend Jennifer and I have very vivid memories of the moments they met at our swim meet. We as what, 12 year olds, got to watch James and Cathy court, fall in love, and eventually get married. James at the time was not a Christian, and I know at one point Cathy told him that she couldn't continue the relationship because of that, I know because she told me once when were having a lengthy discussion about dating several years later. I know that when James came to know the Lord, and started attending our fellowship, he didn't immediately tell Cathy, he wanted her to know that he really truly had made the decision because he was convicted of his need for salvation. I watched as they married, and were pregnant with their first child on the first anniversary. I spent a lot of time watching their kids and teaching them to swim on breaks from school when I was back at home. I have had the unbelievable opportunity through my high school and college years to watch as James has grown from a new Christian into the spiritual leader of their family. I have also had the immense opportunity to watch Cathy, an independent and strong woman, step aside and allow him to lead, and respect his decisions for their family. Cathy and James are the kind of people who lead a pretty fast paced life, always up for the next adventure, with their 5 kids in tow, and now as they have gotten older, sometimes leading the way.

Byron and Kay Taylor have also known me pretty much my whole life. And now I am fortunate enough to live just a few hours drive from them. Byron is the kind of husband who gets upset if his wife is doing some sort of physical labor that she should not be, like moving heavy objects. I'm not kidding, he will say "Kay leave that in the truck, I will do it." Last summer I was visiting them at their farm for a long weekend, Kay was talking about how the last days of Byron's mother's life, they all took turns sitting by her bedside. She told me how special that time was to her, especially because she got to spend time alone with Byron's mother, telling her what an amazing husband he has been to her, how blessed she has been to be his wife. I can't think of anything a dying mother would want to hear about than the praises of a son she has raised.

There are other couples, this isn't an exhaustive list.

None of these couples are the type to randomly or frequently make statements on Facebook (and they all have Facebook)about how wonderful their spouse is, for all the world to see and read. They don't need to do that, they live it.

On the other hand, there are countless numbers of couples I know, that I would not describe in these ways. I have seen and heard women loudly criticize their husbands, with and without them present at Bible studies and small groups. I have seen the look of complete disgust on the face of wives as they glare at their husband.

I am at that age were many of my married friends are at the point in their marriages where statistically, if they are going to get divorced, it's happening right now.

I shared Mrs. Cindi's comment with two friends this week. One of them said, "I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than not have a marriage where we are striving to represent Him here on earth.

I couldn't agree more.

Library Loser

Last summer I realized that my book collection was getting out of control, and that really after I had read them, most of them just sat on a shelf collecting dust. So I boxed up a whole bunch of good ones and shipped them off to my cousins, who are both missionaries overseas, but were in the states at the time. I also decided to start using the public library instead of buying so many books.
I will say that for the most part, I buy used books, so I wasn't spending hordes of money on them, but why not try the free option right?
So while I still occasionally bought used books, I also checked out several, and I checked out DVDs, since you know, they actually had movies I wanted but hadn't seen.

So now that work has slowed down a bit, I decided to hit up the library this week for some books and movies. I selected 2 books, and 2 movies, more on that later. I went to the check out desk, and low and behold, I HAD LATE FEES.

No biggie right.
Except that I had 9 DOLLARS IN LATE FEES.

Apparently last fall as things were starting to pick up, I had returned 2 DVDs 2 days late, and some books late also. I have no recollection of this, but the kind desk clerk printed off the details, and yes, they were books and DVDs that I had borrowed.

So I look in my wallet, and I have $1 in cash.
The checkout guy says "If you pay it down to under $5 I can let you checkout the books"

Yes but I only have $1. So picture this, I am standing there with my 2 books and 2 DVDs and no money, and feeling like a total loser.
So I say "I'm sorry sir, but I can't check these out, I have no cash to pay the fines, I'll have to come back later."

I handed him the goods, and turned and walked out, my head down in shame.

I mean seriously, NINE DOLLARS, who has NINE DOLLARS in late fees at the public library?

And yes I went to the bank and got some cash, and returned to the library the next day where the two books and one of the DVDs were still available for checkout.

Unlikely friends

A year ago, if you had told me that Christi and I would be good friends, I probably would have chuckled. Not in a mean way, just a "huh, that would be weird" sort of manner.

But I think God knew that we would need each other.

A little background, Christi and I had been going to the same church for about 5ish years. We had been in the same small group for a while, I don't really even know, maybe 2 years. We were the 2 women in the group not married. We were the only 2 women working full time jobs. But we never really connected. I couldn't tell you why. We never hung out outside of church or the small group. We never arranged to meet up for lunch.

I couldn't tell you where Christi lived.
I couldn't tell you what her favorite foods were.
I couldn't even tell you if she liked chick flicks or not.
I couldn't even tell you when her birthday is without looking at facebook.

Pretty much all I could tell you about Christi was that we prayed a lot about her teeth, her brother and his wife had a daughter and live far away, and that she is an elementary school music teacher. The end.

And then I left that church.

And then I left that small group.

And I didn't spend a moment wondering what Christi was up to.

And then she sent me a message.
The message really. The very awkward message that said "Hey, I just broke up with my boyfriend, I'm sure you've heard. And I feel like a bad friend because I haven't talked to you since you left. But could you meet me to talk? If you think I'm a jerk and never want to talk to me again, that's fine too."

I was caught a little of guard, but I responded. I told her that I didn't think she was a jerk, I didn't know she had broken up with her boyfriend, and that sure we could meet for dinner, but it had to be short, I had to pack and leave for a trip, you know that whole work thing.

I was nervous, what did she want to talk to me about? Would we even have anything to talk about? I mean our lives were so different you know...
We go to different churches
We have different friends
She has dated 2 different guys in the last 5 years, I have dated no one
She is a music teacher and oboe player
I am an athletic trainer, and I like to run, and I like sports in general

Would we sit there in silence and stare at each other?

I didn't want to gossip, I didn't want to rant. I prayed "God, um, yeah, please give me wisdom, and please help me to say and not say the things that need to be said and not said." Beyond that I didn't know what else to pray. "oh and that God would comfort Christi through this breakup."

So we met for dinner, and she shared with me that she was going through some of the same awful things I had been through.

I think I told her something profound like "yeah I know, it sucks" If I remember correctly, we both shed a few tears.
And we stayed until we were pretty much kicked out of the restaurant because they were trying to close. Who needs clothing and a toothbrush on a road trip anyway right?

I invited Christi to come to my new church, and my new Sunday school class the following Sunday, I wanted her to know that I wasn't encouraging her to make the same choices as I was, but that sometimes perspective is good, and her ex boyfriend was scheduled to preach at her church, so you know, might be a good idea to take a week off.

A few days later I picked her up, at her house, yes I had to use my GPS to get there. Irony, I thought, considering that we'd been in the same small group for a long time.
We left church feeling like the sermon had been directly for us.

We started randomly texting each other things like "hey what are you doing tonight, want to watch chick flicks?"
Or "hey I know you were suppose to have a long day at work, how did it go."

And then one night we met up for dinner after work, and she told me the whole story of her adoption.
And all of a sudden I realized, "hey Christi and I are...friends"

And then my birthday came and we went out to lunch.

And then her birthday came and she invited me to a dinner party thrown in her honor by one of her former coworkers. It was a blast, and I laughed so hard I cried, for over an hour. I also learned that she loves pineapples.

I feel that I would be leaving something out of this story if I left out the part about the fact that it has been awesome to have someone to encourage me in my faith, some one I can send random quotes or Bible verses that I have read that encouraged me, to a person lives in my same small town, and understands my life.
It's awesome to have a friend to get together with who wants to talk about a really good sermon they heard, or how important it is for us as the body of Christ to actually pray for each other.

And when I think about the fact that Christi and I are friends, I think about the fact that God knows what we need, and always delivers, not necessarily in the way we expected.