A Curly Education.

In the 7 years I lived in West Kentucky, I think I tried somewhere between 15-20 different stylists.  The best I ever got was a decent cut.  I never walked out of a salon feeling like my hair looked good.  The problem I found is that stylists in that part of the country have very little to no experience cutting curly hair that isn't straightened on a daily basis.

I actually was told on many many occasions "you would be so pretty if you would just straighten your hair"

Really, because my curly brittle hair does this normal thing when it is heated, it breaks and falls out.  While bald can be beautiful, that wasn't really the look I was going for.

About 2-3 years into my stay there, a friend introduced me to a book called Curly Girl.

Having grown up with a mom who had straighter than straight red hair, she had always been at a loss with what to do about my hair.  As a result, I spent most of my life with my hair looking like I was a dirty unkempt kid.  I think my mom tried to over compensate in apparel but that is another story for another day.

After reading the Curly Girl book, I started experimenting with my hair routine, reading the labels on hair products, and eventually ordering all my shampoo and what not on the interwebs.

In a moment of shear and total frustration, I actually cut my own hair.  It was the one time I actually got compliments on my hair.  I figure lightening doesn't strike twice, so I opted not to repeat the feat.  I probably should have.

When I knew that a move back to the Northeast was imminent, I got rather excited about the possibilities for hair stylists.  I knew that a whole slew of salons catering to curly haired girls had cropped up.  I refused to get my hair cut until I found a place

Today, I took my first foray into the Curly hair salon world.

I am NEVER GOING BACK.

 First of all I was emailed the following instructions before my appointment.
"Be sure to come to the appointment “natural,” and refrain from wearing a hat or ponytail or hair band or anything that might flatten or augment the waves and/or curls. It doesn't matter whether or not the hair is "clean", and it doesn't matter if there are products in it. Also, don't worry about frizz or any other hair craziness; it's just important that we see what the hair does on its own."

I read that and realized I was about to have a hair consultation like NONE I had ever had before.

First of all, that whole wash, cut, dry nonsense did not happen.

As it turns out, it apparently damages a curly hair shaft to be cut wet.  Beyond that (and this isn't rocket science) because each section of a curly head of hair curls a little differently, you can't cut it wet and expect it to look uniformly the same length, duh.

After my dry cut, my hair was washed, and styled. 
Apparently the products I have been ordering online are the right line of product, but that because of the fineness of my hair, I needed a little tweaking from the shampoo and gel I had been using to a different version.  The awesome conditioner I have been using is still awesome!

Lets just say that the styling was more like curl school.  It was encouraging to learn that there are several things I am doing right, like getting rid of all hair dryers, irons, and that only using a wide tooth comb in the shower was also correct.  I learned important new info, like for example apparently the nibs in a terry cloth towel increase frizz, and so instead I should be using a microfiber towel (like the kind you dust with) to dry my hair.  I learned that I was doing the right thing by putting clips in my hair while it dried to give it more volume but that there was a better way to do it than I had been doing it.  I learned about breaking the gel form and that the hair products I use are water based, so if it doesn't turn out just right, I can spritz it and redo it quickly.  Who knew?  Leah, the curly headed stylist used her own hair to show me other ways of manipulating my hair.

You are probably reading this and thinking "seriously Cate how much did this cost?"
The truth is that at $35, it wasn't anymore expensive than an average cut in this part of the country.
In my opinion it was worth every penny because it was the first time in my life I walked out of the salon feeling like my hair looked good, and that I could recreate the look on my own.  Thank you Leah.

Where Do Missionaries Go to Die?

This is a question I had never really thought about until recently.
In my mind missionaries travel off into the wild blue yonder and are heard from occasionally in the form of support/prayer letters.  Sometimes they come "home" on furlough and give talks at church.

Then I spent Memorial Day weekend with some friends who serve at a missionary sending headquarters.  They have several retired missionaries who live there.

They are provided extremely cheep housing, and several meals a week.  Some of them, who are able, have garden plots.  It's a beautiful place, and it's also where missionaries who are about to be sent to the field stay for training.  I'm just geussing but I bet it provides the old missionaries an oppertunity to mentor the young ones.

And that's when it hit me.  How many missionary sending boards think about retirement for their missionaries, or have a place for them to go when they are rushed back to the US because of health issues, or because war has errupted where they were living?

I can identify with the evacuation thing.  The summer between my 3rd and 4th grade years war broke out just north of our home in the Middle East.  Saddam Hussein had invaded Kuwait.  Thankfully we were already in the States on vacation, but many of my friends can tell you stories of gas masks and evacuation plans.

Though we were already in safety, our plans to return home were abruptly cancelled and my parents were trying to quickly come up with a plan for a place for us to live in the mean time.  That plan ended up including several tough months crammed in my grandparents house, and then several months in the house my parents ended up purchasing in the same town.

Thankfully after a year it was relatively safe again and we returned to the Middle East.  Though it could have been a lot more hectic and scary than it actually was, it is still a year of vivid memories, and was filled with a lot of quesitons and fears.

When I was spending time with my friends we talked about a lot of things, like what the stuff donated in the missionary bin actually looks like, and whether it's actually used, and what it's like to dress your kids out of it.

I really started thinking, we talk so much about supporting missionaries in the church, when we do, we talk about things like praying, and giving money.  But what about the spiritual and emotional needs?  What about clothing that needs to be bought new (like underwear, that doesn't get donated)  What about maintaining relationships with these people and their kids so that when they do return to the States, whether for furlough or forever, they don't feel like they are floundering and completely alone.

One time I was hanging out with my missionary cousin.  They were in the States for a very quick visit due to a death in the family.  They took me to the bookstore and said "you read a lot, put some books in the cart."  I'm not joking, they trusted me completely, I felt a little weird, what if they don't like my selections and this is what their stuck with to read in the next 2 years?  The next time they were in the States for a longer period of time, I sent a box of books I had read that were sitting on my shelf.  I said "take what you want, donate the rest to Goodwill."  What if the next time I bought a book I really wanted to read, I bought two copies and sent the 2nd to a missionary friend, or even bought one copy and sent it on after finishing it?  What if the next time I buy new underwear, I by a gift card to the same store to send to a missionary sending board to be passed on to someone in their ministry who needs it?  What if the next time missionaries from my church are in town, I invited them over for dinner, or took them to my favorite restaurant, or took them hiking on my favorite trail?  What if I wrote their birthdays on my calendar and sent them birthday cards?

I am just beginning to process all this, and wonder what it means for me.  I have several friends who are missionaries overseas.  How can I be a better sister in Christ to them?  How can is support them beyond praying and donating to their fund?
I haven't gotten to far into this process, but I started reading here, just to understand the needs better.  Do you have ideas?  I'd love to hear them, maybe we can embark on this journey of supporting our missionary friends better together.  And I know some of my missionary friends are reading this, I love you, I'm praying for you, and I would love your honest feedback too.

The great big search begins...

I am looking forward to life slowing down, and getting settled.  I've found a club to swim with, and local farm to get produce from.  I've learned which day to take my trash out, and where to take my massive amounts of cardboard.  I've found the local public library (it's awesome by the way) and driven home from work without Gretchen, the great GPS, yelling directions at me, and without getting lost.
 Part of getting settled is finding a church home.  This time I am going to be a little more cautious than I was the last time I moved.

I have a tendency to find what I think I'm looking for and jump all in without fully considering the pros and cons.  I have done it while looking for a church after a move, I do it all the time when I am shopping, I did it when I bought my first house.  In fact when I moved to Murray, I signed a lease without actually seeing the place first, talk about jumping in and taking a risk.

I am determined to have more self control this time, and take more time to consider the options.

Being in a new place is hard and I would prefer to skip ahead to the time when I am actively involved in a church, part of a small group, etc...  But it's a big decision.  I tend to just settle instead of holding out for the best fit.

This spring I was reading Financial Peace by David Ramsey, he said that in today's culture we expect to have today what our parents took 20 years to accumulate.  He was talking about finances but I think I look at church that way too.  I would prefer the settled, been going to this church for 2 years place, rather than the "hey I'm new and feeling awkward" phase.  I would rather skip that phase all together.  The reality is that you just can't skip that phase, and I need to be more patient in the beginning.

Some good friends had a very methodical method (I know that was redundant) when they were looking for a new church a while back.  They made a list of churches they wanted to check out, then they attended each church for a full 4 weeks before formulating an opinion.  Their rationale was that you can't fully experience a church in just one Sunday, you might love it or hate it, and it's a fluke.  Even if they liked a church, after 4 weeks they moved on to the next church, going to every church on their list before making a decision.

Making a decision to choose a specific church is a big decision.  This is the place where I am going to commit to ministry, these are the people that will influence my life, this is the pastor whose teaching I will listen to on a weekly basis.

Is this a healthy church body?  Is it a growing church body?  Are there people who can mentor me?  Are there people who will invite me into their church family?  Is there lots of drama distracting the church from it's purpose?  Are there cliques?  Is there a place I can serve?

These are all questions I will be asking over the next several months, it's a daunting process.  This time I am commited to perservering and not settling for the first church that seems decent.

The Night Before the 4th

About 4 years ago, when Rochester, NH was going to have to cancel their 4th of July celebrations due to budget restraints, one pastor, in one of those divinely appointed moments, said "our church will do it."  He and his church rallied, stepped up to the plate, and worked their butts off, so that their entire community would have a need met.  He had one condition though, that the church be allowed to conduct the celebrations however they saw fit.

Four years later, their Night Before The Fourth is still going strong, in a community very much different from the one I just moved from.  It's a community where church going is the exception, not the rule, people don't ask where you go to church, they act shocked to hear that you do go to church.

With over 300 volunteers, that's pretty much every church member old enough to walk, and maybe carry something, they pull off a pretty great event.  It was estimated that between 8,000-9,000 people attended this year.  You can read here what the local paper had to say.

I had heard about this event, mainly because I have several friends who attend this church.  On July 3, 2012, one of them was at the fair grounds early in the morning setting up, one was there in the evening painting faces, one was parking cars, and one was dressed as Superman, inviting families to bring their kids to vacation Bible school.

The youth group and their leaders where out and about, approaching families with teenagers, talking to them, and inviting to some special youth group events.

Bagpipes where played and veterans were honored.  It was an amazing mix of old traditions, and new.

A Christian band entertained as the crowd as the gathered to wait for the fireworks.

The lead singer shared her testimony and sung songs about Vietnam and her faith.
Then the church's worship band played, some of the youth group girls danced and recieved rousing applause.  Some of the youth group boys performed an original rap, the middle aged women on the worship team backed them up, the crowd was captivated.

The pastor gave a short gospel presentation, by this time the crowd was at it's max.  Think about this, in a town in a region of the country where Christians are few, and sharing your faith is often hard and not accepted well, this pastor had a vision and his church chased it, and in doing so 8-9,000 people who would never normally attend church, basically attended church on the public fairgrounds.

And then they watched the fireworks, provided by the church.

And just in case you want to go to their church, they provided these to all attenders.

Dirctions on the back.

Way to go Journey Baptist Church, you inspire me.

I Love This City

When Christi agreed to help me drive up my stuff, I told her I would take her site seeing.  That was before I knew where I would be.  When I was offered and took a job halfway between Boston and New York City, I told her we could go to either. 
She picked Boston, good choice Christi.

We had originally planned to ride the duck boat first, to give her an overview of the city.  However, we were running late and so we cancelled the duck boat and our adventure in my favorite city started.

After an uneventful ride in on the green line, we stopped first at Park Street Church, the Granary Burial Grounds, and THE Boston Common.  We saw the Frog Pond, and the enjoyed the people watching.

Then we headed to the State House.  We also viewed the monument to General Shaw and his regement of African American men in the Civil War, the National Park guide gave us an impassioned history of the regement.

Note the amazingly beautiful weather, it was perfect.

Next we headed to the Boston Garden, where we viewed the Ducklings.

And then we decided to ride the swan boats.  Something I frequently begged to do as a kid.

While we were riding the pedal powered by high schooler boat, we noticed something floating in the sky.  Low and behold it was actually Navy SEALs landing in Boston Common.  Happy 4th of July to us!

Next we walked over to Newbury Street, also known as the garment district.

Added sidenote... My friend actually used to make wedding dresses at this Vera Wang store.  True story... Anyway you just don't find shops selling $785 shoes in West Kentucky, we perused but didn't buy anything.

We weren't done yet, we hopped on the T and headed to government center, where we viewed the very ugly City Hall while walking over the Faneuil Hall

 

And also Quincy Market, and the street performances that were there, love those street performers

We weren't done yet.  We walked over the Long Warf.

Please note the apartment building on the left, I want to live there, or know someone who lives there one day.

We happened upon a Rose Garden, it was beautiful.

Next up was a walk over to the North End where we ate a delcious meal at my favorite Italian joint and then of course ate some Mike's pastry

Are you tired yet?  Well we weren't.  We walked back over to Long Warf (it's not that far) where we road the T boat over to Navy Yard
A stranger took this amazing photo, don't be jealous, I was in the middle of my canoli

The Tall Ships were in town for the bicentennial of the War of 1812, so we got to tour the Eagle, the Tall Ship at the US Coast Guard Academy as well as the Constitution... FOR FREE.  There were some very important men on the ship, we don't know who they are, but they were announced when they boarded the ship, so clearly they are a big deal.

We weren't done with Boston, but Boston had decided we had seen enough for one day.  We tried to take the Red line over to Harvard Square, however, um... there was major delays on the Red line so instead we hopped back on the Green line back to the car.   Christi noted that on our 1 train car on the green line there were more single men approximately our age than we know in all of my former town in West Kentucky.  Truth Christi, it's okay to be single and 31 here.

Christi also got to experience some unruly teenagers on the ride, wouldn't be a trip to the City without them.

2 GIrls, A Long Drive, And A GIANT Truck

After loading the truck with a few men from church on the hottest day of the year, Christi and I had a most uneventful drive north.  We did have the check engine light on most of the first day (don't worry her awesome handy boyfriend checked out the problem before we departed, said it was the gas cap, he was right)

We did stop to visit with Christi's BFF, a pediatrician in Pittsburgh.  We figured out that amongst us 3 women there were 7.5 degrees.

We took a short tour, via car, of the city.

The next day, due to the lighter outlet not working and therefore not charging the GPS, drove 100 miles past our exit.  We ended up crossing into New Jersey at the Delaware Water Gap where the lovely New Jersey welcome lady told us that it was a good thing we missed I-84 because lots of construction would have made it rough driving for us in the truck.  She gave us directions.  We then stopped for gas because I wanted Christi to experience the uniqueness of getting gas in New Jersey, she was amazed.

We arrived at about 3pm on Sunday where we found Arwen and Dan sitting on my new porch, and my parents pulled up a few minutes later.  We promptly started unloading the van.  Then a massive storm rolled through.  We did what all New Englanders do during summer storms, we stood on the porch and watched it.  There was hard rain, wind, hail, and lightening, and about a 20 degree temperature drop.
Then we went back to unloading.  Dan told me I was not allowed to acquire any more stuff, the girls stood to my defense to confirm that I did purge a ton before the move, and that I don't have that much stuff, just a lot of heavy furniture.

My amazing real estate agent came by with a house warming gift, mailing labels with my new address, and printed copies of my lease and what not to get the power turned on the next day.  Except that the power was already on.

Honestly this has been the least stressful move in my life.  Maybe it's because all my stuff was already packed and in storage.  Or maybe it's because God's hand is so clearly all over this change in my life.  Or maybe it's because God was well aware that I wouldn't be able to handle anything else.

After the unload, Arwen and Dan headed back to New Hampshire, Christi and I drove the truck to the Budget drop off, and picked up dinner.   We ate with my parents on my own dishes at my own table :)
Then we went about a block down the street to the beautiful boarding school (that some of my friends actually went to) where we sat on the lawn and watched the local community Symphony Orchestra give a free concert.  The weather was beautiful.  And yes I did just say that my town has a community Symphony Orchestra. 

There is also a YMCA just down the street, a BJ's with cheep gas, and a Popeyes which I will never eat at, but that my former coworkers in Kentucky will be jealous of.  That's about all the exploring I had time for.

Here is the truth.
As much fun as I've had catching up with friends, eating at my cousin's restaurant, enjoying family...
the last 4 weeks have been extremely hard as well.
No matter how much you prepare yourself, when faced with watching someone you love slowly die, you can never fully prepare.
Every time I've seen Nana for about the last 3 years, I've worried that it would be the last.  Every time my brother saw her, he would tell me I needed to come home soon to see her again.
When I arrived on Memorial Day, I was not prepared for Nana to call me Marcia.
I was prepared to start switching off with my Aunt spending time with her to give my Aunt a break.
I wasn't prepared that I would be the one to feed her the last thing she ate (coffee brandy ice cream from sully's) and for her to literally fall asleep between bites.
I wasn't prepared to have to tell my older brother that if he wanted to say goodbye, he needed to come immediately.
I wasn't prepared to take my older brother to see Nana, having been there just 2 days earlier and see the dramatic change as she wasted away.
I wasn't prepared to have to tell my younger brother that there was no way we would be able to set up skype and to hold the phone up near her head so he could say goodbye from California.
I wasn't prepared to have to call my parents and tell them not to drive back to Michigan from my Dad's boarding school reunion.
I wasn't prepared to have to interview for a job I really wanted and worry the whole time that I was missing phone calls telling me I needed to come back immediately.  Fortunately God is sovereign and that is actually the job I ended up taking, there is no telling how ridiculously distracted I was throughout the 6 ish hour process.  I used cruise control the whole way home so that I wouldn't speed, can't afford a ticket right now.

I wasn't prepared to be waiting for a phone call for a job offer for that job I really wanted, and a phone call saying Nana had taken her last breath on the same day.

I was prepared that Nana would die sometime in the first 6 months I was in New England, I wasn't prepared that it would happen before I had even moved my stuff up from Kentucky.

I wasn't prepared for the length of time it took from Nana having nothing by mouth, to her actually passing away.

I wasn't prepared to be on the phone looking for a new apartment in the morning, and standing with  my family waiting for the funeral home guy to come the same afternoon.

It's during times like this that I am reminded that God gives us friends to be His hands and feet.
There is the friend I sent a late Saturday night message saying "hey I'm coming to your church tomorrow, where and what time is the service?" and who hugged me hard and let me cry when I burst into tears the moment I saw her, not knowing what on earth was going on.
She is the same friend who said "let me lend you my juicer so you have something familiar to you in all the chaos."
Her husband, the pastor, asked questions to make sure I had the spiritual support I needed being somewhere that I don't have a church family and made sure that I had their phone numbers so that he could be there if I needed them.
Then there was the friend, who said "yes the house is crowded with all your family crammed in waiting, come crash at my house."
That same friend and her husband danced around the kitchen as I got the phone call with the job offer and I felt like I was going to pass out.  For all that my family is really excited, I don't know that they would have been able to dance around in unhindered celebration like my friends did.

There are the friends, fully aware of all that was going on and sent text messages saying "I'm praying about all this."

There are the friends who just sat there and listened, and kept filling my cup.
There is the friend who is taking care of her ailing grandfather and could relate.

I know God's timing is perfect, I recognize that had this all happened even a few weeks from now, I would not have been able to have the time available to be here the way my Aunt needed, to sit with Nana and feed her, to do the laundry and run the dishwasher, to make sure my Uncle got the meals he needed while she sat with Nana.  My Uncle is on an extremely strict diet due to his severe health crisis almost 2 years ago.

I wouldn't want it any other way than how it happened, however it has been an extreme emotional roller coaster. 

A Few Good Men

I wrote this post about a week ago, then Nana's condition deteriorated quite rapidly.  She passed away this week and in the midst of it all I didn't post this.  But as I am revisiting it tonight, it still makes me smile, so I'm posting it anyway.

When I was visiting my friends in Pennsylvania on my drive up to New England, my friend Mike accidentally let it slip that he had arranged for his sister in law to come down and take care of the kids while he took his wife away for the upcoming weekend for their anniversary.  It was awesome to see her reaction when she realized what he had done.

While I was riding around with my cousin, she was bragging about how her husband always makes sure her gas tank is filled up.  Then she decided to stop and get some gas and didn't know which side of the car her tank is on, because, umm, well she rarely actually has to put gas in her car.

Last weekend while I was a hanging out with a friend, her husband was away at a men's retreat.  He texted her to say that he had been really thinking about some things he needed to do to be a better husband and father and leader of their family.  Later he called to pray with her before they went to bed.

About a year ago I wrote about how much man bashing bothers me.  
I actually went on a personal campaign to be encourager to the single men in my life.  It was quite funny to see the intial responses when I would send a message that said "hey I really appreciate the way you..." followed by something specific.
At first several of them didn't know how to take it.  "What do you need?"  was often the response.
"Nothing, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your pursuit of Godly character."
"Oh"

Lately I have been incredibly encouraged by the Godly men several friends have married, and reminded that there are good men out there.

But here's the other part of the story, I have been AMAZED as my friends have bragged on their husbands, and as I have watched them interact with their husbands.

When I say brag, I don't mean inocuous statements like "Steve is a great husband, I love how he loves our kids."  I mean specifics, "I really appreciate Steve's commitment to study God's Word and pray with us as a family regularly"

My friends are not perfect, and neither are their husbands.  But I definitely appreciate their commitment to love, honor, protect, lead their wives and families.  And I definitely appreciate the wives commitment to serve, encourage, respect their husbands.

I love that they are honest about marriage, that they admit that it's not always easy.  But I also love that they don't bash their husbands, and are quick to point out the great things about their husband's character.

It definitely gives this single girl hope.

Romans 8:28 in real life

There are few times in my life where I have been this overwhelmed with God's faithfulness.  Yesterday I accepted a new job offer.  For just over a year I prayed, and others joined me.

I prayed that it would be within a 2 hour radius of my Aunt's house and close to other friends and family as well...
It's exactly 2 hours from my Aunt's house, the only place it's over 2 hours from is Arwen, and it's still not that far.

I prayed for a fall and spring sport assignment instead of a winter sport assignment so I would be able to be with family for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and also able to occasionally go up to the Christian camp which is dear to my heart for Snow Camps.
I was given a fall/spring sport assignment.

I prayed for a boss committed to life balance...
The first thing I was asked about during both my phone and face to face interview was how I achieved good life/ work balance because that is very important to them.

I prayed that God would meet my financial need, and that I wouldn't have to pull back from supporting friends in full-time ministry...
He answered this request in abundance.

I prayed for a location where there would be several decent churches to consider attending, in New England this is no small thing...
There are several on the list to check out.

I prayed for female coworkers...
I will have several.

I prayed for an opportunity to remain involved educating the next generation of athletic trainers...
I will be working at a school with a large, highly respected undergraduate athletic training program.

Then there are the things I didn't pray for...
A mountain with a running trail RIGHT NEXT TO CAMPUS
Being smack dab in between Boston and New York City
A start date that leaves me transitioning from one job to the next without any lapse in pay
Reimbursement for relocation costs
Amazing opportunities for continuing education...

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Riding Around in Cars: Mom Friends and the Single Girl

Disclaimer: After posting this, I received much feedback, mostly from friends, some with kids, some without, who loved it, wanted to share it with their mom's group, etc... and a very small few who thought I was specifically talking about them or their group of friends. The reality is that I had no one specific in mind when I wrote this post other than the amazing mom friends I am thankful to have in my life. They are women from all sorts of walks of life, some work, some don't, some are planning on homeschooling, some are former public school teachers who aren't sure how they are going to educate their kids yet, some are family, some are college friends. I respect and value them all. I had recently read a blog post by a woman who was lamenting that after her recent marriage, her single friends had faded from her life. I commented that while it's true many single friends feel very awkward after their friends get married, she might consider whether or not she had stopped calling, returning phone calls, whether she was too busy every time they asked to get together etc... with her single friends. She hadn't thought of that and responded that it was true, she had stopped. Out of that and three days in a row of mom friends asking me to sit in the car with their kids, came this post. This is not in anyway a commentary on what makes a good mom or how people should or shouldn't raise their children

I've figured it out.
All my mom friends really want is to have someone sit in the car with their kids while they run into the store for a few quick things.

And that is fine with me.
That's when we take the crazy face photos.

Meanwhile their mom's run inside to grab a coffee, or snacks for Bible study tonight.

It's been an interesting ride with some moms in my life.
Some treated me like my singleness was a disease they might catch.Those were the mom friends who acted like they had it all together, wouldn't admit that life was hard, and were too proud to say "hey I just really want to order coffee without my kids screaming about donuts."  Those people aren't friends anymore.  I learned that those friendships were friendships of convenience, and it just wasn't convenient for them anymore.

Some said "yes I'd love to spend time with you, want to come over and help me take my kids to the park? I really need them to run around but am a little overwhelmed and would love an extra set of hands"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And then they asked "hey would you mind if we stopped at Dunkin Donuts and I ran inside while you stayed with the kids?"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And they said "hey do you want anything?"
And I said no "I grabbed my coffee on the way over, take your time, bask in the moment, read the whole menu if you want."

Memo to the mom friends, singleness is not a disease, you can't catch it, but your single friends would probably love to help you get the kids into their car seats, and sit in the car while you run in to grab 3 items at the grocery store, just for the opportunity to hang out with the friends they love, even though those friends are married and have kids.

I've been spending a bunch of time with mom friends lately, which means their kids have been telling me all the family secrets while they ran into the store.

Yesterday I learned that my cousin's husband poops.  I mean I think I kind of, sort of knew that, but it was confirmed for me, while mom was in the store.

Want a litmus test mom friends?  Here it is, if you are no longer friends with, or haven't seen your single friends in ages, stop to take a moment and think about why?  Did you start telling them that you had a problem with your their singleness?  Did you tell them you were too busy having play dates with all your mom friends?  Did you forget how to talk about anything but poop, potty training, and freezer cooking?

I've heard a million times about how "single people are selfish" or "single people just don't understand" or "single people ..." fill in the blank, basically we are terrible moody selfish people.  To be honest, that is true of some single people.  But the rest of us would love to sit in the car with your kids if you would just give us the chance, just for an opportunity to serve you and to talk with you, and spend time with you.

I am so thankful for the mom friends who have been willing to take the time to remain friends, and who haven't become so wrapped up in being a mom that they have lost sight of who God created them to be.  Being a mom does change you, that is true, but it doesn't mean you have to cut out all the people who aren't at that stage of life.  God didn't call you to be a mom, He called you to be a godly woman, no matter what stage of life you are in.  Those people who aren't in the same stage of life as you might in fact enrich your life, if you would let them.  And you and your kids have the opportunity to enrich their lives, if you would just take it.

Rally the troops, she is living a good story!

Sometimes I think my spiritual gifts include story collecting.
Anyway this isn't about me, I'm excited to tell you this story.
I've known my friend, for now we will call her MaeBob, since the summer of 2000, she was one of my bosses at the Christian camp we both worked at.
MaeBob was in her 30s at the time, and working toward a second degree in education.  She had a great desire to be a wife and a mom.  That hasn't happened in her life, until now, sort of.
MaeBob is an elementary school teacher, she has chosen to teach at a small Christian school, she makes very little money.  But she loves kids and sees her job as ministry, the way we all should.
Recently, through a series of events, only explainable by saying they were clearly orchestrated by God, MaeBob is in the process of becoming the guardian of an abandoned little girl.
MaeBob wasn't pursuing this, she wasn't trying to be a foster parent, she wasn't looking into adoption, she was approached by someone at her church, and she said yes.
She said yes to this little less than 2 yearold child, and she said "Yes God, I take Your Word seriously.  I will trust You."
On Monday when I heard about these events unfolding in my friend's life, I was so excited and overwhelmed I got a little teary eyed.  I've known MaeBob for 12 years, I know this isn't the way she imagined becoming a mom, but wow.
We don't know how long this little one will be in MaeBob's care, we don't know if MaeBob will be her forever family, or if this is for a season.
What I did know on Monday is that MaeBob's income is very small, this child came to her with nothing but the contents of her meager diaper bag.
When my friends have gotten married and had babies, we've thrown parties, showered them with the "things" they would "need" for the journey.  To be totally honest, anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not a huge shower fan, I think they tend to be extremely shallow and vain.
But this time I knew, I knew we had to do it and we had to do it fast.
So with the help of Arwen, and her sister Bethany we rallied the troops.  We decided an impromptu shower was not a good idea, it was necessary.
Arwen sent out a message to her church, which her sister in law Melissa sent to her MOPS group.
Can we just say "Holy Wow God's people, just WOW"
One woman in Mellisa's group is in the process of moving, she already had a pile of goods to get rid of, and this woman's children are adopted, she has a special place in her heart for orphans.  Other moms contributed too, expensive strollers, ride around toys, clothes, sippy cups.... IN 24 HOURS, 24 HOURS.
Friday night when we were hanging out with our friend Diane, who has many mutual friends of MaeBob's and we told her the story, she said hold on, walked upstairs to the room where her daughter was sleeping, and brought down some gifts, she said "here, I've never used these, add them to the gifts."
Our friend Lauren, who has never met MaeBob said, stop by on your way, I have a flexible flier tricycle.
Let me also just say that these are mostly women who don't know MaeBob, have never met her.
Bethany drove around and collected goods.  Arwen called MaeBob's house, which is more like a duplex where she lives on one side with her mom, and where her sister, brother in law and niece and nephew live on the other side.  We invited ourselves over on Saturday.  We decided that with all the changes going on in MaeBob's life, the last thing we wanted to do was make life complicated, and we had collected a ton of stuff.
I went and got flowers and cake, cut veggies and made dip.
And we showed up.

And bags of clothes were opened.

and we got to love on this adorable kid.

Arwen put her social working skills to good work, sifting through the paper work and explaining it to MaeBob so she fully understands it all.

MaeBob's BFF Karen showed up with some more stuff.

We sat around visiting and talking, and encouraging MaeBob.  She did admit wondering how on earth she was going to manage this, how was she going to afford it, how was she going to afford childcare while she goes to work.  We reminded her that she has a pretty big village, we will all be with her through this.

As we drove home, Arwen commented that this was the best gift giving experience of her life.  I couldn't agree more.  Way to go body of Christ, and keep it up.  Please please pray for MaeBob and little Miss.

running and praying

This week I was reminded, and I need reminding of this often, that sometimes the best thing isn't to try to fix people, or solve their problems, or come up with really fun things to do, and make them laugh.

Sometimes the best thing is to just sit and listen, ask questions, and encourage.  And then pray hard.

This week I had lunch with someone I've known since she was a 14 year-old 12 summers ago.  To say that life hasn't been the easiest, to say that the last year has been one of several really hard years would be a vast understatement.

To think that I have the answers, can fix her life, would be pathetic.  I am completely untrained and inadequate to attempt such.

Yesteray morning while I was out for a run, I was praying for her, and for Landon who is in a coma, and for other friends who are in the midst of hard times. 
I often joke that most of the "problems" we face day to day are first world problems.  For example "oh no I have to drink tap water and I only like filtered water" is a first world problem.

First world problems tend to crowd out the real issues in our lives, and the lives of those around us.  First world problems create busyness.  We spend so much time complaining that we only have starbucks coffee when really we love Dunkin Donuts coffee.  We fail to see the people right in front of us or around the globe who don't have acess to clean drinking water, or are struggling to feed their children, or are dealing the emotional baggage left from abuse as a child...

I think often in the busyness of life we loose sight of what is really important.  I sometimes have so many tasks on my long list that I fail to see the needs right in front of me.  Sometimes I am so exhausted from being busy that I have nothing left to give.  Now that I realize this, I know that I must make a conscious effort to avoid being in that place again.  How many opportunities to listen, encourage, share God's truth with people have I missed because I had so many tasks that I was trying to juggle that I failed to see? 

I had to the opportunity this week remind an amazing young woman that what is going on in her life right now isn't the end of her story, that we all have junk, that God has a way of taking the messes (whether we created them or not, much of her stuff wasn't in anyway natural consequences for choices she made) and weaving it all together for good.
I am not generally good at seeing those oppertunities, it was really God's grace and about choosing to really listen, to ask more questions, to say, you know what, life has thrown you a bunch of curve balls, but His story is the story of redemption.

Healing can be a slow and frustrating process, whether it's something superficial and temporary like a sprained ankle, or something less easy like chronic illness.  To be totally honest, I felt completely inept.
About a year ago a student athlete asked me why I love to run so much.  I said that I like to run because my time running is time with the Lord, it's time for me to ignore the long lists of tasks, and pray.
This week I am thankful for a little refocusing, for the reminder that sometimes the best thing you can do is really pray, that there are real needs all around me, and that I need to filter out the busyness and petty problems so that I don't miss them.

Hey, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

While I was hanging out with Arwen on Monday, our good friend Katy called to say hi.  Katy has a very busy job and this is a very busy time of year for her.  I understand and can relate.  I had been wanting to hang out with her, but also aware that she didn't have much free time.

Tuesday morning when I woke up, I realized that it was her birthday, and that she was only an hour away, and I had to drive to Connecticut for an interview anyway, and even though Katy wasn't really on the way, she wasn't super out of the way either.

So I did what any good, crazy friend would do, I sent a Facebook message to her fiance telling him to call or text me.

A small side note, when you have lived really far away for 9 years, your good friends meet people and fall in love, and you don't really have a chance to get to know their future spouses.

Katy and Dan met in a most amazing way, that involved Katy's van catching fire when Katy and Dan were headed to the same retreat with their youth groups from their separate churches.  True story folks.

Anyway, Dan #2 called me, and said that yes it would be fine for me to stop by mid afternoon.

So after packing some stuff into my car, off I headed to the oldest fishing community in America.

I found Katy hard at work.

And I got to tell her happy birthday to her face.

And I got to see her hard at work, she is amazing

.

And I got to get to know her soon to be husband a little better.  It was awesome to see how proud of her he is.

It was time well spent.

At the end of the visit, I drove off, I passed this...

It's a monument to the men from Gloucester who served in the 1898 war against Spain.

And again I was reminded, there is history all around this area of the country.  And also that friends make time for their friends, go out of their way to encourage them, celebrate birthdays, maintain the relationships.  It's really not that hard, you just have to choose to do it.

History All Around

Arwen has been super busy at work, so busy in fact that she had accumulated a lot of comp time that she needed to take.
I have been busy doing a lot of family stuff.  Today she took some comp time, I'm on vacation.
We had been discussing what to do, normally we are up for a big adventure, whether it's a hiking trip, or a getting lost somewhere in Boston.
We weren't really up for a big adventure, we were up for a chill time together.
Recently we were discussing how many major historical sites are right around us, but because they are so close we overlook them.  I thought, instead of a big adventure, we should explore some of the closer things we have overlooked.  I checked into a various and assorted sites near my Auntie's house.

Today we drove just a couple miles to Lowell, MA where we went to the Boott Cotton Mills.

 There is a pretty cool National Park there.  I remember learning about the industrial revolution in history class growing up, I remember reading about mill girls.

Today we saw the actual mills where it all started here in America.  We saw the quarters where the mill girls lived.  We saw the looms actually working.

I know I can be a total nerd with my love for documentaries and all, but it was pretty awesome to go see where major changes in our society actually took place, where inventions that directly affected the way our society functions today were first used.

It was also pretty awesome to have a really chill day with my BFF.

Of course we went into some random shops.  After taking in pretty much all that we could with the cold rain, we went to REI because who doesn't love looking at camping, hiking, snow gear?
It was really great to just be, and to have some conversations that just can't be had over the phone, and to bask in the reality that we live in the same timezone now.

A weekend with the brother

One of the hard things of having lived in many different places, and having friends all over the world is that sometimes friends are hurting and they are far away.  That describes how I felt much of this weekend.  Friends back in Kentucky were sending me text messages as their niece's condition deteriorated after extensive injuries from a terrible car accident on Memorial day.  As I write this blog, they have prepared for the worst, while still hoping and praying for the best.  Please pray for them.

While my heart was heavy Friday I headed out to my brother's.

When I was driving up from Pennsylvania on Monday, I stopped in for a short visit.  I told my niece and nephew that I was planning on moving to live closer to them.  My nephew stated his opinion, "I think that's a good idea Auntie Cate."

Me too.

A quick hour and a half drive found me at my brother's right as he was getting home from picking his son up from school.  It was a low key evening that involved some awesome self portraits!

It was a weekend filled will lots of rain, and fun activities.

In the past most of the time when I am with my brother's family, there is much of the extended family around as well and so quality time together just doesn't happened.  This weekend was a different story.  My sister in law left for the weekend to be with her BFF who is going through a rough time, though it would have been great to get to spend time with her also, I'm glad she was able to go be with her friend.

Saturday was a full day even though it was pouring rain the whole day.  It was most definitely the kind of cold wet New England day that I have missed.

We found some awesome indoor activities! 

In typical New England fashion, Sunday's weather was a complete 180 with beautiful sun!  So of course we went hiking!  Really it was more of a walk in the woods, but hoping that the walk in the woods turns into hikes and backpacking trips as they get older.

 It's amazing to think about the fact that I've spent more time with my brother's family this week than I have in the last 2 years combined!

God's perfect timing

The Wednesday before the Thursday that I started driving to New England I had an interview in New Hampshire.  I flew up for the interview, on Tuesday, and then back on Wednesday.  Wednesday, before hoping on the plane, I met my aunt and uncle for a quicker than quick bite to eat.

My aunt told me that my Nana was going to start receiving hospice care.  Nothing had really drastically changed, she was just in a slow gradual decline.  She is 96 after all.  I didn't ask questions.

I didn't have time to really process it.  I hoped in my rental car, found my way back to the terminal, and hoped on a plane.  Thankfully there were no screaming children on the flight, I don't know if I could have handled that.  I sat on the plane wondering, what exactly does it mean that she is getting hospice care?  I work in health care, but I work with young people, and those young people I care about, but they aren't my family.


When I finally got to my Aunt's house on Monday, we were able to discuss further what exactly it means that my grandmother is in a slow gradual decline.  Basically I know now that all care given to my grandmother, and all procedures done will be to make her comfortable, no routine blood tests, no sticking her just because.

I was prepared to be unprepared when I saw her.  It had been a year since I had seen her in person.  We had skyped a few times, but that is different.

I hadn't been prepared for her to call me Marsha and ask about my nursing career.  She was referring to her niece, my dad's cousin, who is named Marsha and is a nurse.

Yesterday, while I was at another interview, my Aunt went to see Nana, and brought her pizza, pepperoni, her favorite.

Today I stopped by to see Nana by myself.  She told an aid that I was her niece, I corrected her gently, I am her granddaughter.

I pushed her around, forgot to bring her sunglasses when I took her outside, had to take her back inside to get the sunglasses.  I got told an immense amount of times to back up, that I was going the wrong way.

And can I just say for a second, they have her in a special chair to make her more comfortable, it is a beast to push around.  Good thing I workout.

At the end of the visit, I told her I would be back tomorrow, and that I would bring her ice cream from Kimball's.  Knowing full well that she would want maple walnut, I asked her what kind she wanted.  "Pepperoni" she declared. UMMMMM. After some clarification, ice cream Nana, not pizza, it was determined that maple walnut would be best.

Then of course I felt the need to check with the nurse, could Nana have ice cream?  Yes, she can have whatever she want's apparently.  

For all that it is hard to see someone you love declining like this, and for all that it is sometimes a little nerve wracking not knowing what the future holds, I am glad I have the time to be here.  I am thankful to be on 5.5 weeks of vacation and able to just completely silence my phone, not worry about work.

I am thankful for God's timing in all of this, that my Aunt doesn't have to be doing this alone.  And that from 1-2:30 today I got to hang out with this face.