When life or work or both get super busy, the last thing I want to do when I get home from work is spend time preparing food. I have one of those awesome jobs that I love. The awesomeness comes along with bouts of extremely long hours and traveling. How do I make this whole no grains, no dairy, no legumes, no salt, no refined sugar nonsense work when I have zero time? Oh I'm glad you asked.
First of all I plan ahead. Starting this weekend I have a very busy schedule until MAY. So this week I have prepared a little, or a lot.
I ordered some things from the interwebs that I eat when I need a snack, or am just to exhausted.
I ordered food from Steve's Original. Sometimes I eat these little packs as a snack, sometimes in place of a meal. The granola is pretty good too.
I ordered some tanka bars, lots of them. I like the original and the spicy. I keep some in my desk at work, some in my car, some at home. I eat them for breakfast sometimes, I eat them when I forgot or didn't have time to bring lunch... I ordered a family pack, it comes with both flavors, ends up being about $2 a bar for 50 bars, which will last me a long time. The last time I ordered that many it lasted from early August until early November.
I tried to order some Pure wraps, but they are apparently very popular (I like them a lot) so they are on back order.
I also have that order of Beetnik food coming that I got discounted from livingsocial, so that will be some more grab and go food options.
I stocked up on Larabars, the store was having a 10 for $10 anyway so it was a double win. These are also in my desk at work, in my truck, and at home, and I eat them when I'm hungry and need something. I didn't buy as many Larabars as I did tanka bars and Steve's originals because Larabars are much easier to procure, I don't have to wait for them to come in the mail.
I bought a very large container of mixed, unsalted nuts without peanuts (here's a secret, look at target, read the labels of their GIANT nut things, figured this out on a road trip stuck in a little town in Missouri with nothing to eat...) I add raw coconut to it and keep it in my office.
I went to TJ Maxx, yes you read that correctly, and bought some plain old dried fruit without chemicals added. I forgot to mention this in the whole saving money post. TJ Maxx, I also discovered this on that same road trip in Missouri. They have a large selection of paleo friendly snack and they are not very expensive. WHO KNEW?
The thing is, if I don't have food on hand and I'm hungry, I end up eating things I shouldn't. There is a vending machine, my coworker brought in muffins... If I have a handy alternative, it's really easy to not eat junk, no offense to my baking coworker, I'm sure her muffins are delightful.
People I work with know I have a food drawer, but I don't share. They can eat whatever they want, I cannot. I would rather give them a dollar for the vending machine than have them eat up all my paleo friendly snacks. Sorry but I'm not sorry.
I use my crockpot. I made a big batch of delish jambalaya . Because I am only one person, a whole crockpot full will be a whole lot of meals for me. When I finished cooking it, I dished it into individual serving containers, so this weekend all I have to do is grab a container on my way out the door. About once a week, on a day when I have a little more time in the morning, I will throw stuff in the crockpot and then eat it a lot that week. Does it get boring sometimes? Yes, but it's quite amazing how many different things you can do with a whole chicken that you cooked in the crockpot. AND this isn't probably the best, but, when you are strapped for time, there are these things at the store called crockpot liners, like those turkey cooking bags. The worst part of using a crockpot is cleaning it, in my opinion. When I'm super busy, I use the liners, and then I don't have to spend an hour soaking and scrubbing.
I make lots of those little egg cup things like this without the cheese and freeze them. That will be happening tonight. Then in the mornings I just pop one in the microwave for a quick breakfast.
I stocked up my freezer with meats. One of the hardest things about cooking when I'm super busy is that it's not just the cooking, it's the cooking AND the shopping. Because I can't just go to any store to find the grassfed beef, the wild caught salmon... I bought a bunch and it's all in my freezer. When I do want to cook, I just have to get the veggies to go with it, makes the process a lot faster. (yes my freezer is quite full right now)
Keep tuna fish in those pouches and avocados around. When all else fails, at the end of a week, when I need to crockpot but haven't, I have been known to grab an avocado and the tuna fish on the way out the door and just mix the two together for lunch. If I have a lemon to grab too, that's bonus. This is not something you should do more than once a week. If you have pure wraps on hand, grab one of those, then it doesn't look so weird to your coworkers, it's just a tuna fish sandwich.
Those are the things I've figured out so far. Anyone else have tips?
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
My Paleo Journey: how to not break the bank
When I first started telling people about my dietary changes, I kept hearing the same thing over and over: "wow that must be expensive"
Yes grassfed beef is more expensive, and yes produce can be expensive, and yes almond flour is not cheap.
One of the problems with the current american diet, in my opinion, is that most Americans are so intent on saving money on food so they can spend it on other things, like fancy houses and more clothing, that they are willing to put LOW quality food into their bodies despite the known health consequences.
Europeans tend to be way more healthy than Americans They generally spend 30% of their income on food, where as Americans spend just 10% on food.
So how do I make the paleo diet work financially?
First off all, just know that the start up cost is going to be a little bit pricey. When I first started living this way, every time I went to make something, I had to buy every single ingredient. Now that I have been at it for a while, when I decided to make something, I normally have the basics on hand (almond flour, almond or cashew butter, raw nuts, dates, chicken broth, arrowroot powder...) so I'm not spending so much money every time I make something.
Find a CSA. CSA stands for community supported agriculture. You will get fresh, locally grown, often organic produce. You pay for it in a lump sum, but in the end it's way cheaper than buying produce at the grocery store. I was already using a CSA, even in small, middle of nowhere Kentucky. Look around, you might be surprised to find one. Or maybe you can just start your own garden, it will help with the vitamin D synthesis too.
Don't be afraid of bulk food stores. My local BJs sells Applegate farms meat. I get large quantities of uncured bacon or sliced turkey breast (without gluten added or random other chemicals) at a discounted price. I keep some in the fridge and throw the rest in the freezer. I can also buy bags of produce I eat a lot, like avacados, at a substantially lower price than I do at the grocery store. I can buy a 6 pack of organic, no salt added, diced fire roasted tomatoes for a fraction of the what it would cost to buy them individually at the grocery store.
Look for the Badia brand of spices in the Mexican food section of the grocery store. I just figured this out recently when something I was looking for wasn't in the normal spice section. I do not know why the hispanic food section has the same spices for so much cheaper, but they do.
Look for things in your normal grocery store before heading to the health food store. I can find the same brand of almond butter I use in the local grocery store for much cheaper than it is at the natural food store.
Buy large quantities of things you eat a lot when they are on sale. I use larabars a lot when I am travelling or working long hours and need to bring my own food. Occasionally my local grocery store will have a 10 for $10 sale on them. You best believe I buy a lot of them when those sales are going on. I did this just last night.
Order things online. I order massive quantities of tanka bars at a time. They are cheaper that way, and I pay less in shipping when I do one big order.
This is semi new to me, but look for food deals on livingsocial and groupon. Recently they had a really good deal on beetnik food. It's prepared paleo meals (like lean cuisine but not). I've never tried that company before, but the deal was so good I ordered some. I'll let you know how it turns out. I also find good deals on restaurants that are paleo friendly, resulting in about 50% savings when I do eat out.
Don't avoid the frozen fruits and veggies. Most frozen veggies are flash frozen when they are in season. This means they are better quality food than the out of season veggies in the produce aisle. Frozen fruits and veggies can also be much cheaper than their non frozen counterparts. I'm not saying not to eat the fresh stuff, I'm just saying if you are making a dish that you could substitute frozen broccoli for fresh, do it, just make sure that the frozen produce you are buying doesn't have salt or sugar or other things added to it.
Use your grocery store's reward card. I use mine for the gas discounts. But as I started buying certain foods more, the computer system started noticing. Now when the machine prints out those useless coupons, they are normally for things like coconut milk, or omega 3 eggs. I buy those things all the time anyway, so I use the coupons.
If you use a certain product a lot, go to their website, you might find printable coupons there. And you might ended up winning a bike. It could happen, it happened to me.
Make friends with people who own their own chickens. When I lived in Kentucky, one of my coworkers had his own chickens, which he fed appropriate things to have omega 3 eggs. I asked if I could buy some eggs from him. He said no, but I could have some for free. I haven't found a friend like that here in New England yet, but I am looking. I do have other friends who have chickens and sell eggs for 2-3 dollars a dozen. Guess what, if you do the math, that's about what they cost at the grocery store. So you get fresh eggs, and help a friend out at the same time. It's win win for everyone.
Lastly, I made a choice to eat better quality food and save money in other areas, so I started looking for ways to cut the budget. I went on a book buying fast. I love reading, I like to buy books. I decided that I would rather spend money on quality food and I started using my public library.
Guess what I found? There are a lot of books that were on my list to read, but don't I don't need to buy them since I will only read them once. It's also more environmentally friendly to checkout the library books.
There were a lot of other resources at the library that I wasn't fully utilizing. Actually I wasn't utilizing them at all, cause I didn't know they existed The library has an immense selection of movies, documentaries, and tv series that I can check out for free and opposed to renting them. There are also a lot of museum passes and discounts that I can checkout from the library for free. Want to visit a state park for the weekend? Why pay $15 when you can go for free with the library pass. I'd rather spend the $15 on a good meal and not eat junk.
Yes grassfed beef is more expensive, and yes produce can be expensive, and yes almond flour is not cheap.
One of the problems with the current american diet, in my opinion, is that most Americans are so intent on saving money on food so they can spend it on other things, like fancy houses and more clothing, that they are willing to put LOW quality food into their bodies despite the known health consequences.
Europeans tend to be way more healthy than Americans They generally spend 30% of their income on food, where as Americans spend just 10% on food.
So how do I make the paleo diet work financially?
First off all, just know that the start up cost is going to be a little bit pricey. When I first started living this way, every time I went to make something, I had to buy every single ingredient. Now that I have been at it for a while, when I decided to make something, I normally have the basics on hand (almond flour, almond or cashew butter, raw nuts, dates, chicken broth, arrowroot powder...) so I'm not spending so much money every time I make something.
Find a CSA. CSA stands for community supported agriculture. You will get fresh, locally grown, often organic produce. You pay for it in a lump sum, but in the end it's way cheaper than buying produce at the grocery store. I was already using a CSA, even in small, middle of nowhere Kentucky. Look around, you might be surprised to find one. Or maybe you can just start your own garden, it will help with the vitamin D synthesis too.
Don't be afraid of bulk food stores. My local BJs sells Applegate farms meat. I get large quantities of uncured bacon or sliced turkey breast (without gluten added or random other chemicals) at a discounted price. I keep some in the fridge and throw the rest in the freezer. I can also buy bags of produce I eat a lot, like avacados, at a substantially lower price than I do at the grocery store. I can buy a 6 pack of organic, no salt added, diced fire roasted tomatoes for a fraction of the what it would cost to buy them individually at the grocery store.
Look for the Badia brand of spices in the Mexican food section of the grocery store. I just figured this out recently when something I was looking for wasn't in the normal spice section. I do not know why the hispanic food section has the same spices for so much cheaper, but they do.
Look for things in your normal grocery store before heading to the health food store. I can find the same brand of almond butter I use in the local grocery store for much cheaper than it is at the natural food store.
Buy large quantities of things you eat a lot when they are on sale. I use larabars a lot when I am travelling or working long hours and need to bring my own food. Occasionally my local grocery store will have a 10 for $10 sale on them. You best believe I buy a lot of them when those sales are going on. I did this just last night.
Order things online. I order massive quantities of tanka bars at a time. They are cheaper that way, and I pay less in shipping when I do one big order.
This is semi new to me, but look for food deals on livingsocial and groupon. Recently they had a really good deal on beetnik food. It's prepared paleo meals (like lean cuisine but not). I've never tried that company before, but the deal was so good I ordered some. I'll let you know how it turns out. I also find good deals on restaurants that are paleo friendly, resulting in about 50% savings when I do eat out.
Don't avoid the frozen fruits and veggies. Most frozen veggies are flash frozen when they are in season. This means they are better quality food than the out of season veggies in the produce aisle. Frozen fruits and veggies can also be much cheaper than their non frozen counterparts. I'm not saying not to eat the fresh stuff, I'm just saying if you are making a dish that you could substitute frozen broccoli for fresh, do it, just make sure that the frozen produce you are buying doesn't have salt or sugar or other things added to it.
Use your grocery store's reward card. I use mine for the gas discounts. But as I started buying certain foods more, the computer system started noticing. Now when the machine prints out those useless coupons, they are normally for things like coconut milk, or omega 3 eggs. I buy those things all the time anyway, so I use the coupons.
If you use a certain product a lot, go to their website, you might find printable coupons there. And you might ended up winning a bike. It could happen, it happened to me.
Make friends with people who own their own chickens. When I lived in Kentucky, one of my coworkers had his own chickens, which he fed appropriate things to have omega 3 eggs. I asked if I could buy some eggs from him. He said no, but I could have some for free. I haven't found a friend like that here in New England yet, but I am looking. I do have other friends who have chickens and sell eggs for 2-3 dollars a dozen. Guess what, if you do the math, that's about what they cost at the grocery store. So you get fresh eggs, and help a friend out at the same time. It's win win for everyone.
Lastly, I made a choice to eat better quality food and save money in other areas, so I started looking for ways to cut the budget. I went on a book buying fast. I love reading, I like to buy books. I decided that I would rather spend money on quality food and I started using my public library.
Guess what I found? There are a lot of books that were on my list to read, but don't I don't need to buy them since I will only read them once. It's also more environmentally friendly to checkout the library books.
There were a lot of other resources at the library that I wasn't fully utilizing. Actually I wasn't utilizing them at all, cause I didn't know they existed The library has an immense selection of movies, documentaries, and tv series that I can check out for free and opposed to renting them. There are also a lot of museum passes and discounts that I can checkout from the library for free. Want to visit a state park for the weekend? Why pay $15 when you can go for free with the library pass. I'd rather spend the $15 on a good meal and not eat junk.
Friday, January 11, 2013
My Paleo Journey: A year later
At Christmas 2011, my brother and his then girlfriend suggested I try this crazy diet they had been on since Thanksgiving. They thought it might help with my severe allergies.
I thought they were crazy, but I had tried everything else, and I was willing to give it a shot.
I blogged once about it.
Shortly after blogging about it, I talked to my physician about it. I also worked with him. He looked at me and said "normally I would tell a patient they are crazy, but with you, we've tried everything, lets see what happens."
He ordered massive amounts of blood work based on what I had read about the diet. He was well aware of my lifestyle and eating habits, and said "honestly I think this is over kill, it's all going to come back normal" And guess what, for the most part he was right. My white blood cell count, my cholesterol, all the normal stuff, was in the normal range.
Let me just say before I tell you the rest of the results of my blood work, I have very difficult veins to draw blood from, I have always had this problem. When I was sitting in the chair at the lab, the young tech looked at my arm and said "I think you need someone more experienced." About 45 minutes, 3 different phlebotomist, and 6 sticks later, they finally listened to me and tried my foot. THANK THE LORD. It was not fun, and I almost said "forget it, it's not worth it."
I'm so glad I didn't.
My vitamin D was off the charts low. Not surprising since at the time I was working ridiculous hours inside. I started supplementing with a vitamin D vitamin, and also making a conscious effort to spend more time outside during daylight hours. (taking my lunch outside was the easiest method)
And then there was my C-reactive protein. C-reactive protein is a marker in your blood for general inflammation, it is used to assess risk for cardiovascular disease. It normally isn't done on highly active 30 year old women. Normally a person's C-reactive protein should be at zero. As the level goes up, the risk or cardiovascular disease goes up. Over 3 is considered HIGH risk.
So what was mine? I'm glad you asked, it was greater than 3 (they apparently don't tell you how high it is after 3) Basically what I'm saying is that the systemic inflammation in my body from allergies was so high that there is great potential that I would have been one of those people who dropped dead of a heart attack at 45 and everyone was like "other than her allergies she was so healthy"
When I first started the paleo diet I was suffering from severe eczema. It was awful, I looked like a leper most of the year. I always wore long sleeves to cover it up. I didn't like wearing a swimsuit because it covered my whole back. I took steroids, lots of steroids.
I had to time massive doses of steroid shots in order to wear the open back bridesmaid dress for my best friends wedding. If you are unaware, steroids tend to have lovely side effects like massive bloating. YAY!
By February 2012, after having been on the diet since late December, my eczema was gone. GONE. GONE GONE GONE. My parents came to visit to help me move out of the house I'd just sold and they couldn't believe it.
There are a lot of things that are gone since starting the paleo diet.
Though I still have my nebulizer, and the drugs for it, I haven't used it in a year.
Though I still carry around my rescue inhaler, I also have not used it in a year.
Though I am still taking my maintenance asthma med (1 pill a day), I am working up the courage to go off it completely and see how it goes. (I've been on this medication since high school)
A year later, I have learned a lot.
I have learned what I once thought were environmental allergies were actually most likely food allergies.
I have learned that you can be on a crazy diet and not ostracize everyone you know with your ridiculous eating habits.
I've learned that you can maintain the paleo diet AND have a really busy life AND travel a lot.
I've learned that contrary to popular opinion, you don't have to break the bank when eating this way (though you will spend more money when you eat out)
I've learned that you can find most of what you need in the normal grocery store (including, now that I live in New England, grass fed beef)
I've learned that foods I used to hate now don't taste so bad (I'm not completely sure why)
I've learned to use a lot more spices in my cooking.
I've learned that pinterest is my best recipe friend.
I've learned that if you don't label a food "paleo," people who don't eat that way will just think it's good food and eat and enjoy it.
I've learned that the people you would expect to be the most supportive, are sometimes the least.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because if there is one person reading this who struggles with allergies like I did, and realizes that maybe a dietary change could eliminate their issues, then it will have been worth it.
There are a lot of blogs out there with lots of recipes,my now sister in law's included. (they got married this summer)
But not so many about how to make it work from a practical standpoint in the real world of everyday life.
I am not going to turn into a paleo blogger, but I was cooking food today and thought "I've learned a lot of practical things in the last year about how to make this work, maybe I should share them"
I thought they were crazy, but I had tried everything else, and I was willing to give it a shot.
I blogged once about it.
Shortly after blogging about it, I talked to my physician about it. I also worked with him. He looked at me and said "normally I would tell a patient they are crazy, but with you, we've tried everything, lets see what happens."
He ordered massive amounts of blood work based on what I had read about the diet. He was well aware of my lifestyle and eating habits, and said "honestly I think this is over kill, it's all going to come back normal" And guess what, for the most part he was right. My white blood cell count, my cholesterol, all the normal stuff, was in the normal range.
Let me just say before I tell you the rest of the results of my blood work, I have very difficult veins to draw blood from, I have always had this problem. When I was sitting in the chair at the lab, the young tech looked at my arm and said "I think you need someone more experienced." About 45 minutes, 3 different phlebotomist, and 6 sticks later, they finally listened to me and tried my foot. THANK THE LORD. It was not fun, and I almost said "forget it, it's not worth it."
I'm so glad I didn't.
My vitamin D was off the charts low. Not surprising since at the time I was working ridiculous hours inside. I started supplementing with a vitamin D vitamin, and also making a conscious effort to spend more time outside during daylight hours. (taking my lunch outside was the easiest method)
And then there was my C-reactive protein. C-reactive protein is a marker in your blood for general inflammation, it is used to assess risk for cardiovascular disease. It normally isn't done on highly active 30 year old women. Normally a person's C-reactive protein should be at zero. As the level goes up, the risk or cardiovascular disease goes up. Over 3 is considered HIGH risk.
So what was mine? I'm glad you asked, it was greater than 3 (they apparently don't tell you how high it is after 3) Basically what I'm saying is that the systemic inflammation in my body from allergies was so high that there is great potential that I would have been one of those people who dropped dead of a heart attack at 45 and everyone was like "other than her allergies she was so healthy"
When I first started the paleo diet I was suffering from severe eczema. It was awful, I looked like a leper most of the year. I always wore long sleeves to cover it up. I didn't like wearing a swimsuit because it covered my whole back. I took steroids, lots of steroids.
I had to time massive doses of steroid shots in order to wear the open back bridesmaid dress for my best friends wedding. If you are unaware, steroids tend to have lovely side effects like massive bloating. YAY!
By February 2012, after having been on the diet since late December, my eczema was gone. GONE. GONE GONE GONE. My parents came to visit to help me move out of the house I'd just sold and they couldn't believe it.
There are a lot of things that are gone since starting the paleo diet.
Though I still have my nebulizer, and the drugs for it, I haven't used it in a year.
Though I still carry around my rescue inhaler, I also have not used it in a year.
Though I am still taking my maintenance asthma med (1 pill a day), I am working up the courage to go off it completely and see how it goes. (I've been on this medication since high school)
A year later, I have learned a lot.
I have learned what I once thought were environmental allergies were actually most likely food allergies.
I have learned that you can be on a crazy diet and not ostracize everyone you know with your ridiculous eating habits.
I've learned that you can maintain the paleo diet AND have a really busy life AND travel a lot.
I've learned that contrary to popular opinion, you don't have to break the bank when eating this way (though you will spend more money when you eat out)
I've learned that you can find most of what you need in the normal grocery store (including, now that I live in New England, grass fed beef)
I've learned that foods I used to hate now don't taste so bad (I'm not completely sure why)
I've learned to use a lot more spices in my cooking.
I've learned that pinterest is my best recipe friend.
I've learned that if you don't label a food "paleo," people who don't eat that way will just think it's good food and eat and enjoy it.
I've learned that the people you would expect to be the most supportive, are sometimes the least.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because if there is one person reading this who struggles with allergies like I did, and realizes that maybe a dietary change could eliminate their issues, then it will have been worth it.
There are a lot of blogs out there with lots of recipes,my now sister in law's included. (they got married this summer)
But not so many about how to make it work from a practical standpoint in the real world of everyday life.
I am not going to turn into a paleo blogger, but I was cooking food today and thought "I've learned a lot of practical things in the last year about how to make this work, maybe I should share them"
Monday, January 07, 2013
13 in 13
I've taken a break from blogging in the last several months. Life has been good, but I feel like getting back to it a bit.
I'm not normally one for making resolutions, but I think the start of the new year is a good time to reflect and take note of what you did well in the last year, and what areas of your life need some work. It's often an opportunity for many to start making significant life changes.
I decided to make a list of 13 things I want to accomplish this year. None of them are earth shattering, but maybe more of a commitment to do the things I am already doing better.
1. Be more diligent about my time with the Lord
2. Do some sort of volunteer work at least 1 time per month. The list includes volunteering at soup kitchen, with Habitat for Humanity, and at my beloved Rumney Bible conference
3. Run a 5k race or a timed 5k at least once a month
4. Turn my phone off more when I am spending time with people. (I have done this more in the last several month and it is glorious)
5. Spend 1 hour every week calling/texting/writing cards of encouragement to people
6. Go see a Broadway show
7. Give thanks daily
8. Go hiking somewhere I've never been at least 1 time per month
9. Read at least 1 good book per month
10. Visit the following places: the Bronx Zoo, the MET, Ground Zero, Chinatown, Mystic Seaport, Newport beach, Point Judith Beach
11. Plan a girls weekend with a group of close friends
12. Go skiing at least once
13. Eat 100% paleo 100% of the time
I'm not normally one for making resolutions, but I think the start of the new year is a good time to reflect and take note of what you did well in the last year, and what areas of your life need some work. It's often an opportunity for many to start making significant life changes.
I decided to make a list of 13 things I want to accomplish this year. None of them are earth shattering, but maybe more of a commitment to do the things I am already doing better.
1. Be more diligent about my time with the Lord
2. Do some sort of volunteer work at least 1 time per month. The list includes volunteering at soup kitchen, with Habitat for Humanity, and at my beloved Rumney Bible conference
3. Run a 5k race or a timed 5k at least once a month
4. Turn my phone off more when I am spending time with people. (I have done this more in the last several month and it is glorious)
5. Spend 1 hour every week calling/texting/writing cards of encouragement to people
6. Go see a Broadway show
7. Give thanks daily
8. Go hiking somewhere I've never been at least 1 time per month
9. Read at least 1 good book per month
10. Visit the following places: the Bronx Zoo, the MET, Ground Zero, Chinatown, Mystic Seaport, Newport beach, Point Judith Beach
11. Plan a girls weekend with a group of close friends
12. Go skiing at least once
13. Eat 100% paleo 100% of the time
Saturday, September 08, 2012
Who defines me?
Today I had to take a personality assessment for work. It's something they do with everyone. I knew it was coming. I was dreading it.
I hate those things. I never fit into a category. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "hmm your results are quite interesting."
YEAH NO KIDDING.
"wow you don't fit in any category."
"I've never seen results like this."
"you are abnormal."
YES I KNOW, ALL 100 of your other people taking the test today aren't Third Culture kids, aren't Global Nomads, didn't spend their formative years in a different country from their passport country.
I think that many Americans have a weird obsession/ fascination with personality tests. They want to answer some questions, then get told by calculations who they are, how they learn, what types of people they should marry, work with, be in study groups with.
But how do you categorize the people who don't fit the mold?
I apparently subconsciously slip into a funny accent with slower speech when I speak with non native English speakers, I never realized this until about 2 years ago when a co-worker pointed it out.
I am more comfortable in London Heathrow airport than any mall in America at Christmas time.
I am stubborn and persistent and methodical, and I am flexible and go with the flow.
My desk looks like a tornado rolled through, especially when compared to my office-mate's but don't touch anything, it's organized, I know where everything is... except maybe my keys and phone.
I love my extended family and am close with many of them, but I especially feel connected to my cousins' kids, who are growing up third culture kids too.
I think ultimately the thing that bothers me the most about those assessments is the idea that everyone should fit into a category, and if they don't something is strange, different, weird, wrong about them. It's this hyper focus on identity coming from personality traits. I refuse to agree, my identity lies full in who I am in Christ.
I cling hard to my identity in Christ. I have for a long time.
I felt the need to send a private message to the professional consultant conducting the personality trait assessment today. I explained that my upbringing and personality formation was a little different than the average American. I sent her links to information about the unique personality traits of third culture kids. It was my attempt to avoid the awkwardness and the comments about bizarre results, and a hyper focus on the results defining me.
I refuse to let a grouping of 24 questions define me.
There are a lot of struggles that come from being raised overseas and then re-entering the culture that your passport says you are from. But it is those struggles that constantly remind me that I am not defined by my job, my friends, my circumstances. What is true about me is what He says is true.
And what is that? (all are ESV translation)
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands." Psalm 138:8
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
"Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it." 1 Corinthians 12:27
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
I hate those things. I never fit into a category. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "hmm your results are quite interesting."
YEAH NO KIDDING.
"wow you don't fit in any category."
"I've never seen results like this."
"you are abnormal."
YES I KNOW, ALL 100 of your other people taking the test today aren't Third Culture kids, aren't Global Nomads, didn't spend their formative years in a different country from their passport country.
I think that many Americans have a weird obsession/ fascination with personality tests. They want to answer some questions, then get told by calculations who they are, how they learn, what types of people they should marry, work with, be in study groups with.
But how do you categorize the people who don't fit the mold?
I apparently subconsciously slip into a funny accent with slower speech when I speak with non native English speakers, I never realized this until about 2 years ago when a co-worker pointed it out.
I am more comfortable in London Heathrow airport than any mall in America at Christmas time.
I am stubborn and persistent and methodical, and I am flexible and go with the flow.
My desk looks like a tornado rolled through, especially when compared to my office-mate's but don't touch anything, it's organized, I know where everything is... except maybe my keys and phone.
I love my extended family and am close with many of them, but I especially feel connected to my cousins' kids, who are growing up third culture kids too.
I think ultimately the thing that bothers me the most about those assessments is the idea that everyone should fit into a category, and if they don't something is strange, different, weird, wrong about them. It's this hyper focus on identity coming from personality traits. I refuse to agree, my identity lies full in who I am in Christ.
I cling hard to my identity in Christ. I have for a long time.
I felt the need to send a private message to the professional consultant conducting the personality trait assessment today. I explained that my upbringing and personality formation was a little different than the average American. I sent her links to information about the unique personality traits of third culture kids. It was my attempt to avoid the awkwardness and the comments about bizarre results, and a hyper focus on the results defining me.
I refuse to let a grouping of 24 questions define me.
There are a lot of struggles that come from being raised overseas and then re-entering the culture that your passport says you are from. But it is those struggles that constantly remind me that I am not defined by my job, my friends, my circumstances. What is true about me is what He says is true.
And what is that? (all are ESV translation)
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands." Psalm 138:8
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
"Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it." 1 Corinthians 12:27
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
Thursday, September 06, 2012
Thankful Thursdays 9/6/12
It's back again, because I want to remember all the good gifts God has given me. I'm starting over, counting to 1000 again.
1 Living close to family
2 An aunt who lets me sleep in at her house
3 making lemon balm salve with ingredients from the garden
4 Mike in New Orleans with Mercy Chefs feeding 2200 people in a day
5 the smell of fall coming in New England
6 labor day adventure with Arwen
7 making up recipes that turn out well
8 Wednesday night church when I've been working every Sunday for over a month
9 productivity at work
10 rain gear that works
11 coworkers who care about my well being
12 a commute that's just long enough to collect my thoughts
13 the pool is back open
14 the most delicious peach I have ever eaten
15 peaceful environment to work in
16 student athletes who say "thank you"
17 student athletes who keep me laughing
18 feeling so incredibly fortunate every morning when I go to work
19 still feeling the same way when I'm on the way home at the end of every day
20 bluegrass music in CT, it happened
21 my cousin's safety during the recent hurricane and flooding in Louisiana
22 "your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me" over and over again this week
1 Living close to family
2 An aunt who lets me sleep in at her house
3 making lemon balm salve with ingredients from the garden
4 Mike in New Orleans with Mercy Chefs feeding 2200 people in a day
5 the smell of fall coming in New England
6 labor day adventure with Arwen
7 making up recipes that turn out well
8 Wednesday night church when I've been working every Sunday for over a month
9 productivity at work
10 rain gear that works
11 coworkers who care about my well being
12 a commute that's just long enough to collect my thoughts
13 the pool is back open
14 the most delicious peach I have ever eaten
15 peaceful environment to work in
16 student athletes who say "thank you"
17 student athletes who keep me laughing
18 feeling so incredibly fortunate every morning when I go to work
19 still feeling the same way when I'm on the way home at the end of every day
20 bluegrass music in CT, it happened
21 my cousin's safety during the recent hurricane and flooding in Louisiana
22 "your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me" over and over again this week
Friday, August 31, 2012
All my fears relieved
I don't know what your biggest fear is.
Maybe your biggest fear is feeling inadequate
or speaking in public.
Through a series of events recently I realized that my biggest fear is losing people that I love.
In June, when my Nana passed away, it was something we were all prepared for. She was, afterall, 96 and in ailing health.
Then in mid July I got a phone call on a Wednesday night that my Dad was in the hospital, they didn't know what was wrong with him, but his condition was rapidly deteriorating.
I was scared out of my mind.
I didn't sleep much.
I cried, hard.
I enlisted everyone I could possibly think of to pray. And pray they did.
I continued to feel overwhelmingly scared. I love my parents, I rely on them a lot, how and what would life be if my Dad wasn't around.
There came a moment late one night when I realized that thing that we all know in our head, but not always in our heart. We are not guaranteed much in this life, other than that God gives and takes away, and one day we will all stand before him, it's inevitable. I can't hold a knuckle white grip onto the things, err, people I deeply care about, because they are not in my hands, they are in HIS hands.
My Dad's condition continued to deteriorate and he was transferred to a much bigger and better hospital where they were finally able to diagnose him. They started treating him for a rare form of Guillian Barre.
My fears turned from "will he live?" to "will he walk again and lead a 'normal' life"
I googled prognosis, I read research, and I prayed and continued to ask friends and family around the world to pray. They did. They still are.
In ways that only God can, He provided healing for my Dad. It's delivery did include amazing specialists and medications. He still has progress to make. My Dad walked out of the hospital with a cane just 20 days after initial onset of symptoms. This is pretty much unheard of.
Why am I surprised? Isn't God the God who makes the impossible possible?
In Daniel 3, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago refuse to bow down to the gods that King Nebuchadnezzar had created. They are brought before the King and questioned. They are about to be thrown into the fiery furnace. In verses 16-18 they respond "O Nebuchadnezza, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O King, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
If you know the story, you know that they were thrown into the furnace, and then they walked out. They left the king praising God.
There were several nights in a row that I didn't really sleep, but I prayed, that God would heal my Dad, but if He didn't I would still praise Him, I would still trust Him.
That was really hard. What I really wanted to do was drive to Michigan, yell at doctors, and take things into my own rediculous hands.
God did and is healing my Dad, and so many friends are praising God with us as a result.
Would I want to go through this again? No
At the same time I'm thankful for the reminder that the One who is in control, is not me, and is faithful. No matter what.
Maybe your biggest fear is feeling inadequate
or speaking in public.
Through a series of events recently I realized that my biggest fear is losing people that I love.
In June, when my Nana passed away, it was something we were all prepared for. She was, afterall, 96 and in ailing health.
Then in mid July I got a phone call on a Wednesday night that my Dad was in the hospital, they didn't know what was wrong with him, but his condition was rapidly deteriorating.
I was scared out of my mind.
I didn't sleep much.
I cried, hard.
I enlisted everyone I could possibly think of to pray. And pray they did.
I continued to feel overwhelmingly scared. I love my parents, I rely on them a lot, how and what would life be if my Dad wasn't around.
There came a moment late one night when I realized that thing that we all know in our head, but not always in our heart. We are not guaranteed much in this life, other than that God gives and takes away, and one day we will all stand before him, it's inevitable. I can't hold a knuckle white grip onto the things, err, people I deeply care about, because they are not in my hands, they are in HIS hands.
My Dad's condition continued to deteriorate and he was transferred to a much bigger and better hospital where they were finally able to diagnose him. They started treating him for a rare form of Guillian Barre.
My fears turned from "will he live?" to "will he walk again and lead a 'normal' life"
I googled prognosis, I read research, and I prayed and continued to ask friends and family around the world to pray. They did. They still are.
In ways that only God can, He provided healing for my Dad. It's delivery did include amazing specialists and medications. He still has progress to make. My Dad walked out of the hospital with a cane just 20 days after initial onset of symptoms. This is pretty much unheard of.
Why am I surprised? Isn't God the God who makes the impossible possible?
In Daniel 3, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago refuse to bow down to the gods that King Nebuchadnezzar had created. They are brought before the King and questioned. They are about to be thrown into the fiery furnace. In verses 16-18 they respond "O Nebuchadnezza, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O King, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
If you know the story, you know that they were thrown into the furnace, and then they walked out. They left the king praising God.
There were several nights in a row that I didn't really sleep, but I prayed, that God would heal my Dad, but if He didn't I would still praise Him, I would still trust Him.
That was really hard. What I really wanted to do was drive to Michigan, yell at doctors, and take things into my own rediculous hands.
God did and is healing my Dad, and so many friends are praising God with us as a result.
Would I want to go through this again? No
At the same time I'm thankful for the reminder that the One who is in control, is not me, and is faithful. No matter what.
Monday, August 20, 2012
A Curly Education.
In the 7 years I lived in West Kentucky, I think I tried somewhere between 15-20 different stylists. The best I ever got was a decent cut. I never walked out of a salon feeling like my hair looked good. The problem I found is that stylists in that part of the country have very little to no experience cutting curly hair that isn't straightened on a daily basis.
I actually was told on many many occasions "you would be so pretty if you would just straighten your hair"
Really, because my curly brittle hair does this normal thing when it is heated, it breaks and falls out. While bald can be beautiful, that wasn't really the look I was going for.
About 2-3 years into my stay there, a friend introduced me to a book called Curly Girl.
Having grown up with a mom who had straighter than straight red hair, she had always been at a loss with what to do about my hair. As a result, I spent most of my life with my hair looking like I was a dirty unkempt kid. I think my mom tried to over compensate in apparel but that is another story for another day.
After reading the Curly Girl book, I started experimenting with my hair routine, reading the labels on hair products, and eventually ordering all my shampoo and what not on the interwebs.
In a moment of shear and total frustration, I actually cut my own hair. It was the one time I actually got compliments on my hair. I figure lightening doesn't strike twice, so I opted not to repeat the feat. I probably should have.
When I knew that a move back to the Northeast was imminent, I got rather excited about the possibilities for hair stylists. I knew that a whole slew of salons catering to curly haired girls had cropped up. I refused to get my hair cut until I found a place
Today, I took my first foray into the Curly hair salon world.
I am NEVER GOING BACK.
First of all I was emailed the following instructions before my appointment.
"Be sure to come to the appointment “natural,” and refrain from wearing a hat or ponytail or hair band or anything that might flatten or augment the waves and/or curls. It doesn't matter whether or not the hair is "clean", and it doesn't matter if there are products in it. Also, don't worry about frizz or any other hair craziness; it's just important that we see what the hair does on its own."
I read that and realized I was about to have a hair consultation like NONE I had ever had before.
First of all, that whole wash, cut, dry nonsense did not happen.
As it turns out, it apparently damages a curly hair shaft to be cut wet. Beyond that (and this isn't rocket science) because each section of a curly head of hair curls a little differently, you can't cut it wet and expect it to look uniformly the same length, duh.
After my dry cut, my hair was washed, and styled.
Apparently the products I have been ordering online are the right line of product, but that because of the fineness of my hair, I needed a little tweaking from the shampoo and gel I had been using to a different version. The awesome conditioner I have been using is still awesome!
Lets just say that the styling was more like curl school. It was encouraging to learn that there are several things I am doing right, like getting rid of all hair dryers, irons, and that only using a wide tooth comb in the shower was also correct. I learned important new info, like for example apparently the nibs in a terry cloth towel increase frizz, and so instead I should be using a microfiber towel (like the kind you dust with) to dry my hair. I learned that I was doing the right thing by putting clips in my hair while it dried to give it more volume but that there was a better way to do it than I had been doing it. I learned about breaking the gel form and that the hair products I use are water based, so if it doesn't turn out just right, I can spritz it and redo it quickly. Who knew? Leah, the curly headed stylist used her own hair to show me other ways of manipulating my hair.
You are probably reading this and thinking "seriously Cate how much did this cost?"
The truth is that at $35, it wasn't anymore expensive than an average cut in this part of the country.
In my opinion it was worth every penny because it was the first time in my life I walked out of the salon feeling like my hair looked good, and that I could recreate the look on my own. Thank you Leah.
I actually was told on many many occasions "you would be so pretty if you would just straighten your hair"
Really, because my curly brittle hair does this normal thing when it is heated, it breaks and falls out. While bald can be beautiful, that wasn't really the look I was going for.
About 2-3 years into my stay there, a friend introduced me to a book called Curly Girl.
Having grown up with a mom who had straighter than straight red hair, she had always been at a loss with what to do about my hair. As a result, I spent most of my life with my hair looking like I was a dirty unkempt kid. I think my mom tried to over compensate in apparel but that is another story for another day.
After reading the Curly Girl book, I started experimenting with my hair routine, reading the labels on hair products, and eventually ordering all my shampoo and what not on the interwebs.
In a moment of shear and total frustration, I actually cut my own hair. It was the one time I actually got compliments on my hair. I figure lightening doesn't strike twice, so I opted not to repeat the feat. I probably should have.
When I knew that a move back to the Northeast was imminent, I got rather excited about the possibilities for hair stylists. I knew that a whole slew of salons catering to curly haired girls had cropped up. I refused to get my hair cut until I found a place
Today, I took my first foray into the Curly hair salon world.
I am NEVER GOING BACK.
First of all I was emailed the following instructions before my appointment.
"Be sure to come to the appointment “natural,” and refrain from wearing a hat or ponytail or hair band or anything that might flatten or augment the waves and/or curls. It doesn't matter whether or not the hair is "clean", and it doesn't matter if there are products in it. Also, don't worry about frizz or any other hair craziness; it's just important that we see what the hair does on its own."
I read that and realized I was about to have a hair consultation like NONE I had ever had before.
First of all, that whole wash, cut, dry nonsense did not happen.
As it turns out, it apparently damages a curly hair shaft to be cut wet. Beyond that (and this isn't rocket science) because each section of a curly head of hair curls a little differently, you can't cut it wet and expect it to look uniformly the same length, duh.
After my dry cut, my hair was washed, and styled.
Apparently the products I have been ordering online are the right line of product, but that because of the fineness of my hair, I needed a little tweaking from the shampoo and gel I had been using to a different version. The awesome conditioner I have been using is still awesome!
Lets just say that the styling was more like curl school. It was encouraging to learn that there are several things I am doing right, like getting rid of all hair dryers, irons, and that only using a wide tooth comb in the shower was also correct. I learned important new info, like for example apparently the nibs in a terry cloth towel increase frizz, and so instead I should be using a microfiber towel (like the kind you dust with) to dry my hair. I learned that I was doing the right thing by putting clips in my hair while it dried to give it more volume but that there was a better way to do it than I had been doing it. I learned about breaking the gel form and that the hair products I use are water based, so if it doesn't turn out just right, I can spritz it and redo it quickly. Who knew? Leah, the curly headed stylist used her own hair to show me other ways of manipulating my hair.
You are probably reading this and thinking "seriously Cate how much did this cost?"
The truth is that at $35, it wasn't anymore expensive than an average cut in this part of the country.
In my opinion it was worth every penny because it was the first time in my life I walked out of the salon feeling like my hair looked good, and that I could recreate the look on my own. Thank you Leah.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Where Do Missionaries Go to Die?
This is a question I had never really thought about until recently.
In my mind missionaries travel off into the wild blue yonder and are heard from occasionally in the form of support/prayer letters. Sometimes they come "home" on furlough and give talks at church.
Then I spent Memorial Day weekend with some friends who serve at a missionary sending headquarters. They have several retired missionaries who live there.
They are provided extremely cheep housing, and several meals a week. Some of them, who are able, have garden plots. It's a beautiful place, and it's also where missionaries who are about to be sent to the field stay for training. I'm just geussing but I bet it provides the old missionaries an oppertunity to mentor the young ones.
And that's when it hit me. How many missionary sending boards think about retirement for their missionaries, or have a place for them to go when they are rushed back to the US because of health issues, or because war has errupted where they were living?
I can identify with the evacuation thing. The summer between my 3rd and 4th grade years war broke out just north of our home in the Middle East. Saddam Hussein had invaded Kuwait. Thankfully we were already in the States on vacation, but many of my friends can tell you stories of gas masks and evacuation plans.
Though we were already in safety, our plans to return home were abruptly cancelled and my parents were trying to quickly come up with a plan for a place for us to live in the mean time. That plan ended up including several tough months crammed in my grandparents house, and then several months in the house my parents ended up purchasing in the same town.
Thankfully after a year it was relatively safe again and we returned to the Middle East. Though it could have been a lot more hectic and scary than it actually was, it is still a year of vivid memories, and was filled with a lot of quesitons and fears.
When I was spending time with my friends we talked about a lot of things, like what the stuff donated in the missionary bin actually looks like, and whether it's actually used, and what it's like to dress your kids out of it.
I really started thinking, we talk so much about supporting missionaries in the church, when we do, we talk about things like praying, and giving money. But what about the spiritual and emotional needs? What about clothing that needs to be bought new (like underwear, that doesn't get donated) What about maintaining relationships with these people and their kids so that when they do return to the States, whether for furlough or forever, they don't feel like they are floundering and completely alone.
One time I was hanging out with my missionary cousin. They were in the States for a very quick visit due to a death in the family. They took me to the bookstore and said "you read a lot, put some books in the cart." I'm not joking, they trusted me completely, I felt a little weird, what if they don't like my selections and this is what their stuck with to read in the next 2 years? The next time they were in the States for a longer period of time, I sent a box of books I had read that were sitting on my shelf. I said "take what you want, donate the rest to Goodwill." What if the next time I bought a book I really wanted to read, I bought two copies and sent the 2nd to a missionary friend, or even bought one copy and sent it on after finishing it? What if the next time I buy new underwear, I by a gift card to the same store to send to a missionary sending board to be passed on to someone in their ministry who needs it? What if the next time missionaries from my church are in town, I invited them over for dinner, or took them to my favorite restaurant, or took them hiking on my favorite trail? What if I wrote their birthdays on my calendar and sent them birthday cards?
I am just beginning to process all this, and wonder what it means for me. I have several friends who are missionaries overseas. How can I be a better sister in Christ to them? How can is support them beyond praying and donating to their fund?
I haven't gotten to far into this process, but I started reading here, just to understand the needs better. Do you have ideas? I'd love to hear them, maybe we can embark on this journey of supporting our missionary friends better together. And I know some of my missionary friends are reading this, I love you, I'm praying for you, and I would love your honest feedback too.
In my mind missionaries travel off into the wild blue yonder and are heard from occasionally in the form of support/prayer letters. Sometimes they come "home" on furlough and give talks at church.
Then I spent Memorial Day weekend with some friends who serve at a missionary sending headquarters. They have several retired missionaries who live there.
They are provided extremely cheep housing, and several meals a week. Some of them, who are able, have garden plots. It's a beautiful place, and it's also where missionaries who are about to be sent to the field stay for training. I'm just geussing but I bet it provides the old missionaries an oppertunity to mentor the young ones.
And that's when it hit me. How many missionary sending boards think about retirement for their missionaries, or have a place for them to go when they are rushed back to the US because of health issues, or because war has errupted where they were living?
I can identify with the evacuation thing. The summer between my 3rd and 4th grade years war broke out just north of our home in the Middle East. Saddam Hussein had invaded Kuwait. Thankfully we were already in the States on vacation, but many of my friends can tell you stories of gas masks and evacuation plans.
Though we were already in safety, our plans to return home were abruptly cancelled and my parents were trying to quickly come up with a plan for a place for us to live in the mean time. That plan ended up including several tough months crammed in my grandparents house, and then several months in the house my parents ended up purchasing in the same town.
Thankfully after a year it was relatively safe again and we returned to the Middle East. Though it could have been a lot more hectic and scary than it actually was, it is still a year of vivid memories, and was filled with a lot of quesitons and fears.
When I was spending time with my friends we talked about a lot of things, like what the stuff donated in the missionary bin actually looks like, and whether it's actually used, and what it's like to dress your kids out of it.
I really started thinking, we talk so much about supporting missionaries in the church, when we do, we talk about things like praying, and giving money. But what about the spiritual and emotional needs? What about clothing that needs to be bought new (like underwear, that doesn't get donated) What about maintaining relationships with these people and their kids so that when they do return to the States, whether for furlough or forever, they don't feel like they are floundering and completely alone.
One time I was hanging out with my missionary cousin. They were in the States for a very quick visit due to a death in the family. They took me to the bookstore and said "you read a lot, put some books in the cart." I'm not joking, they trusted me completely, I felt a little weird, what if they don't like my selections and this is what their stuck with to read in the next 2 years? The next time they were in the States for a longer period of time, I sent a box of books I had read that were sitting on my shelf. I said "take what you want, donate the rest to Goodwill." What if the next time I bought a book I really wanted to read, I bought two copies and sent the 2nd to a missionary friend, or even bought one copy and sent it on after finishing it? What if the next time I buy new underwear, I by a gift card to the same store to send to a missionary sending board to be passed on to someone in their ministry who needs it? What if the next time missionaries from my church are in town, I invited them over for dinner, or took them to my favorite restaurant, or took them hiking on my favorite trail? What if I wrote their birthdays on my calendar and sent them birthday cards?
I am just beginning to process all this, and wonder what it means for me. I have several friends who are missionaries overseas. How can I be a better sister in Christ to them? How can is support them beyond praying and donating to their fund?
I haven't gotten to far into this process, but I started reading here, just to understand the needs better. Do you have ideas? I'd love to hear them, maybe we can embark on this journey of supporting our missionary friends better together. And I know some of my missionary friends are reading this, I love you, I'm praying for you, and I would love your honest feedback too.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The great big search begins...
I am looking forward to life slowing down, and getting settled. I've found a club to swim with, and local farm to get produce from. I've learned which day to take my trash out, and where to take my massive amounts of cardboard. I've found the local public library (it's awesome by the way) and driven home from work without Gretchen, the great GPS, yelling directions at me, and without getting lost.
Part of getting settled is finding a church home. This time I am going to be a little more cautious than I was the last time I moved.
I have a tendency to find what I think I'm looking for and jump all in without fully considering the pros and cons. I have done it while looking for a church after a move, I do it all the time when I am shopping, I did it when I bought my first house. In fact when I moved to Murray, I signed a lease without actually seeing the place first, talk about jumping in and taking a risk.
I am determined to have more self control this time, and take more time to consider the options.
Being in a new place is hard and I would prefer to skip ahead to the time when I am actively involved in a church, part of a small group, etc... But it's a big decision. I tend to just settle instead of holding out for the best fit.
This spring I was reading Financial Peace by David Ramsey, he said that in today's culture we expect to have today what our parents took 20 years to accumulate. He was talking about finances but I think I look at church that way too. I would prefer the settled, been going to this church for 2 years place, rather than the "hey I'm new and feeling awkward" phase. I would rather skip that phase all together. The reality is that you just can't skip that phase, and I need to be more patient in the beginning.
Some good friends had a very methodical method (I know that was redundant) when they were looking for a new church a while back. They made a list of churches they wanted to check out, then they attended each church for a full 4 weeks before formulating an opinion. Their rationale was that you can't fully experience a church in just one Sunday, you might love it or hate it, and it's a fluke. Even if they liked a church, after 4 weeks they moved on to the next church, going to every church on their list before making a decision.
Making a decision to choose a specific church is a big decision. This is the place where I am going to commit to ministry, these are the people that will influence my life, this is the pastor whose teaching I will listen to on a weekly basis.
Is this a healthy church body? Is it a growing church body? Are there people who can mentor me? Are there people who will invite me into their church family? Is there lots of drama distracting the church from it's purpose? Are there cliques? Is there a place I can serve?
These are all questions I will be asking over the next several months, it's a daunting process. This time I am commited to perservering and not settling for the first church that seems decent.
Part of getting settled is finding a church home. This time I am going to be a little more cautious than I was the last time I moved.
I have a tendency to find what I think I'm looking for and jump all in without fully considering the pros and cons. I have done it while looking for a church after a move, I do it all the time when I am shopping, I did it when I bought my first house. In fact when I moved to Murray, I signed a lease without actually seeing the place first, talk about jumping in and taking a risk.
I am determined to have more self control this time, and take more time to consider the options.
Being in a new place is hard and I would prefer to skip ahead to the time when I am actively involved in a church, part of a small group, etc... But it's a big decision. I tend to just settle instead of holding out for the best fit.
This spring I was reading Financial Peace by David Ramsey, he said that in today's culture we expect to have today what our parents took 20 years to accumulate. He was talking about finances but I think I look at church that way too. I would prefer the settled, been going to this church for 2 years place, rather than the "hey I'm new and feeling awkward" phase. I would rather skip that phase all together. The reality is that you just can't skip that phase, and I need to be more patient in the beginning.
Some good friends had a very methodical method (I know that was redundant) when they were looking for a new church a while back. They made a list of churches they wanted to check out, then they attended each church for a full 4 weeks before formulating an opinion. Their rationale was that you can't fully experience a church in just one Sunday, you might love it or hate it, and it's a fluke. Even if they liked a church, after 4 weeks they moved on to the next church, going to every church on their list before making a decision.
Making a decision to choose a specific church is a big decision. This is the place where I am going to commit to ministry, these are the people that will influence my life, this is the pastor whose teaching I will listen to on a weekly basis.
Is this a healthy church body? Is it a growing church body? Are there people who can mentor me? Are there people who will invite me into their church family? Is there lots of drama distracting the church from it's purpose? Are there cliques? Is there a place I can serve?
These are all questions I will be asking over the next several months, it's a daunting process. This time I am commited to perservering and not settling for the first church that seems decent.
Friday, July 06, 2012
The Night Before the 4th
About 4 years ago, when Rochester, NH was going to have to cancel their 4th of July celebrations due to budget restraints, one pastor, in one of those divinely appointed moments, said "our church will do it." He and his church rallied, stepped up to the plate, and worked their butts off, so that their entire community would have a need met. He had one condition though, that the church be allowed to conduct the celebrations however they saw fit.
Four years later, their Night Before The Fourth is still going strong, in a community very much different from the one I just moved from. It's a community where church going is the exception, not the rule, people don't ask where you go to church, they act shocked to hear that you do go to church.
With over 300 volunteers, that's pretty much every church member old enough to walk, and maybe carry something, they pull off a pretty great event. It was estimated that between 8,000-9,000 people attended this year. You can read here what the local paper had to say.
I had heard about this event, mainly because I have several friends who attend this church. On July 3, 2012, one of them was at the fair grounds early in the morning setting up, one was there in the evening painting faces, one was parking cars, and one was dressed as Superman, inviting families to bring their kids to vacation Bible school.
A Christian band entertained as the crowd as the gathered to wait for the fireworks.
The lead singer shared her testimony and sung songs about Vietnam and her faith.
Then the church's worship band played, some of the youth group girls danced and recieved rousing applause. Some of the youth group boys performed an original rap, the middle aged women on the worship team backed them up, the crowd was captivated.
The pastor gave a short gospel presentation, by this time the crowd was at it's max. Think about this, in a town in a region of the country where Christians are few, and sharing your faith is often hard and not accepted well, this pastor had a vision and his church chased it, and in doing so 8-9,000 people who would never normally attend church, basically attended church on the public fairgrounds.
And then they watched the fireworks, provided by the church.
And just in case you want to go to their church, they provided these to all attenders.
Dirctions on the back.
Way to go Journey Baptist Church, you inspire me.
Four years later, their Night Before The Fourth is still going strong, in a community very much different from the one I just moved from. It's a community where church going is the exception, not the rule, people don't ask where you go to church, they act shocked to hear that you do go to church.
With over 300 volunteers, that's pretty much every church member old enough to walk, and maybe carry something, they pull off a pretty great event. It was estimated that between 8,000-9,000 people attended this year. You can read here what the local paper had to say.
I had heard about this event, mainly because I have several friends who attend this church. On July 3, 2012, one of them was at the fair grounds early in the morning setting up, one was there in the evening painting faces, one was parking cars, and one was dressed as Superman, inviting families to bring their kids to vacation Bible school.
The youth group and their leaders where out and about, approaching families with teenagers, talking to them, and inviting to some special youth group events.
Bagpipes where played and veterans were honored. It was an amazing mix of old traditions, and new.
Then the church's worship band played, some of the youth group girls danced and recieved rousing applause. Some of the youth group boys performed an original rap, the middle aged women on the worship team backed them up, the crowd was captivated.
And then they watched the fireworks, provided by the church.
Dirctions on the back.
Way to go Journey Baptist Church, you inspire me.
Thursday, July 05, 2012
I Love This City
When Christi agreed to help me drive up my stuff, I told her I would take her site seeing. That was before I knew where I would be. When I was offered and took a job halfway between Boston and New York City, I told her we could go to either.
She picked Boston, good choice Christi.
We had originally planned to ride the duck boat first, to give her an overview of the city. However, we were running late and so we cancelled the duck boat and our adventure in my favorite city started.
After an uneventful ride in on the green line, we stopped first at Park Street Church, the Granary Burial Grounds, and THE Boston Common. We saw the Frog Pond, and the enjoyed the people watching.
Added sidenote... My friend actually used to make wedding dresses at this Vera Wang store. True story... Anyway you just don't find shops selling $785 shoes in West Kentucky, we perused but didn't buy anything.
We weren't done yet, we hopped on the T and headed to government center, where we viewed the very ugly City Hall while walking over the Faneuil Hall
We weren't done yet. We walked over the Long Warf.
Are you tired yet? Well we weren't. We walked back over to Long Warf (it's not that far) where we road the T boat over to Navy Yard
A stranger took this amazing photo, don't be jealous, I was in the middle of my canoli
The Tall Ships were in town for the bicentennial of the War of 1812, so we got to tour the Eagle, the Tall Ship at the US Coast Guard Academy as well as the Constitution... FOR FREE. There were some very important men on the ship, we don't know who they are, but they were announced when they boarded the ship, so clearly they are a big deal.
Christi also got to experience some unruly teenagers on the ride, wouldn't be a trip to the City without them.
She picked Boston, good choice Christi.
We had originally planned to ride the duck boat first, to give her an overview of the city. However, we were running late and so we cancelled the duck boat and our adventure in my favorite city started.
After an uneventful ride in on the green line, we stopped first at Park Street Church, the Granary Burial Grounds, and THE Boston Common. We saw the Frog Pond, and the enjoyed the people watching.
Then we headed to the State House. We also viewed the monument to General Shaw and his regement of African American men in the Civil War, the National Park guide gave us an impassioned history of the regement.
Note the amazingly beautiful weather, it was perfect.
Next we headed to the Boston Garden, where we viewed the Ducklings.
And then we decided to ride the swan boats. Something I frequently begged to do as a kid.
While we were riding the pedal powered by high schooler boat, we noticed something floating in the sky. Low and behold it was actually Navy SEALs landing in Boston Common. Happy 4th of July to us!
Next we walked over to Newbury Street, also known as the garment district.
We weren't done yet, we hopped on the T and headed to government center, where we viewed the very ugly City Hall while walking over the Faneuil Hall
And also Quincy Market, and the street performances that were there, love those street performers
We weren't done yet. We walked over the Long Warf.
Please note the apartment building on the left, I want to live there, or know someone who lives there one day.
We happened upon a Rose Garden, it was beautiful.
Next up was a walk over to the North End where we ate a delcious meal at my favorite Italian joint and then of course ate some Mike's pastry
Are you tired yet? Well we weren't. We walked back over to Long Warf (it's not that far) where we road the T boat over to Navy Yard
A stranger took this amazing photo, don't be jealous, I was in the middle of my canoli
The Tall Ships were in town for the bicentennial of the War of 1812, so we got to tour the Eagle, the Tall Ship at the US Coast Guard Academy as well as the Constitution... FOR FREE. There were some very important men on the ship, we don't know who they are, but they were announced when they boarded the ship, so clearly they are a big deal.
We weren't done with Boston, but Boston had decided we had seen enough for one day. We tried to take the Red line over to Harvard Square, however, um... there was major delays on the Red line so instead we hopped back on the Green line back to the car. Christi noted that on our 1 train car on the green line there were more single men approximately our age than we know in all of my former town in West Kentucky. Truth Christi, it's okay to be single and 31 here.
Christi also got to experience some unruly teenagers on the ride, wouldn't be a trip to the City without them.
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
2 GIrls, A Long Drive, And A GIANT Truck
After loading the truck with a few men from church on the hottest day of the year, Christi and I had a most uneventful drive north. We did have the check engine light on most of the first day (don't worry her awesome handy boyfriend checked out the problem before we departed, said it was the gas cap, he was right)
We did stop to visit with Christi's BFF, a pediatrician in Pittsburgh. We figured out that amongst us 3 women there were 7.5 degrees.
We took a short tour, via car, of the city.
The next day, due to the lighter outlet not working and therefore not charging the GPS, drove 100 miles past our exit. We ended up crossing into New Jersey at the Delaware Water Gap where the lovely New Jersey welcome lady told us that it was a good thing we missed I-84 because lots of construction would have made it rough driving for us in the truck. She gave us directions. We then stopped for gas because I wanted Christi to experience the uniqueness of getting gas in New Jersey, she was amazed.
We arrived at about 3pm on Sunday where we found Arwen and Dan sitting on my new porch, and my parents pulled up a few minutes later. We promptly started unloading the van. Then a massive storm rolled through. We did what all New Englanders do during summer storms, we stood on the porch and watched it. There was hard rain, wind, hail, and lightening, and about a 20 degree temperature drop.
Then we went back to unloading. Dan told me I was not allowed to acquire any more stuff, the girls stood to my defense to confirm that I did purge a ton before the move, and that I don't have that much stuff, just a lot of heavy furniture.
My amazing real estate agent came by with a house warming gift, mailing labels with my new address, and printed copies of my lease and what not to get the power turned on the next day. Except that the power was already on.
Honestly this has been the least stressful move in my life. Maybe it's because all my stuff was already packed and in storage. Or maybe it's because God's hand is so clearly all over this change in my life. Or maybe it's because God was well aware that I wouldn't be able to handle anything else.
After the unload, Arwen and Dan headed back to New Hampshire, Christi and I drove the truck to the Budget drop off, and picked up dinner. We ate with my parents on my own dishes at my own table :)
Then we went about a block down the street to the beautiful boarding school (that some of my friends actually went to) where we sat on the lawn and watched the local community Symphony Orchestra give a free concert. The weather was beautiful. And yes I did just say that my town has a community Symphony Orchestra.
There is also a YMCA just down the street, a BJ's with cheep gas, and a Popeyes which I will never eat at, but that my former coworkers in Kentucky will be jealous of. That's about all the exploring I had time for.
We did stop to visit with Christi's BFF, a pediatrician in Pittsburgh. We figured out that amongst us 3 women there were 7.5 degrees.
We took a short tour, via car, of the city.
The next day, due to the lighter outlet not working and therefore not charging the GPS, drove 100 miles past our exit. We ended up crossing into New Jersey at the Delaware Water Gap where the lovely New Jersey welcome lady told us that it was a good thing we missed I-84 because lots of construction would have made it rough driving for us in the truck. She gave us directions. We then stopped for gas because I wanted Christi to experience the uniqueness of getting gas in New Jersey, she was amazed.
We arrived at about 3pm on Sunday where we found Arwen and Dan sitting on my new porch, and my parents pulled up a few minutes later. We promptly started unloading the van. Then a massive storm rolled through. We did what all New Englanders do during summer storms, we stood on the porch and watched it. There was hard rain, wind, hail, and lightening, and about a 20 degree temperature drop.
Then we went back to unloading. Dan told me I was not allowed to acquire any more stuff, the girls stood to my defense to confirm that I did purge a ton before the move, and that I don't have that much stuff, just a lot of heavy furniture.
My amazing real estate agent came by with a house warming gift, mailing labels with my new address, and printed copies of my lease and what not to get the power turned on the next day. Except that the power was already on.
Honestly this has been the least stressful move in my life. Maybe it's because all my stuff was already packed and in storage. Or maybe it's because God's hand is so clearly all over this change in my life. Or maybe it's because God was well aware that I wouldn't be able to handle anything else.
After the unload, Arwen and Dan headed back to New Hampshire, Christi and I drove the truck to the Budget drop off, and picked up dinner. We ate with my parents on my own dishes at my own table :)
Then we went about a block down the street to the beautiful boarding school (that some of my friends actually went to) where we sat on the lawn and watched the local community Symphony Orchestra give a free concert. The weather was beautiful. And yes I did just say that my town has a community Symphony Orchestra.
There is also a YMCA just down the street, a BJ's with cheep gas, and a Popeyes which I will never eat at, but that my former coworkers in Kentucky will be jealous of. That's about all the exploring I had time for.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Here is the truth.
As much fun as I've had catching up with friends, eating at my cousin's restaurant, enjoying family...
the last 4 weeks have been extremely hard as well.
No matter how much you prepare yourself, when faced with watching someone you love slowly die, you can never fully prepare.
Every time I've seen Nana for about the last 3 years, I've worried that it would be the last. Every time my brother saw her, he would tell me I needed to come home soon to see her again.
When I arrived on Memorial Day, I was not prepared for Nana to call me Marcia.
I was prepared to start switching off with my Aunt spending time with her to give my Aunt a break.
I wasn't prepared that I would be the one to feed her the last thing she ate (coffee brandy ice cream from sully's) and for her to literally fall asleep between bites.
I wasn't prepared to have to tell my older brother that if he wanted to say goodbye, he needed to come immediately.
I wasn't prepared to take my older brother to see Nana, having been there just 2 days earlier and see the dramatic change as she wasted away.
I wasn't prepared to have to tell my younger brother that there was no way we would be able to set up skype and to hold the phone up near her head so he could say goodbye from California.
I wasn't prepared to have to call my parents and tell them not to drive back to Michigan from my Dad's boarding school reunion.
I wasn't prepared to have to interview for a job I really wanted and worry the whole time that I was missing phone calls telling me I needed to come back immediately. Fortunately God is sovereign and that is actually the job I ended up taking, there is no telling how ridiculously distracted I was throughout the 6 ish hour process. I used cruise control the whole way home so that I wouldn't speed, can't afford a ticket right now.
I wasn't prepared to be waiting for a phone call for a job offer for that job I really wanted, and a phone call saying Nana had taken her last breath on the same day.
I was prepared that Nana would die sometime in the first 6 months I was in New England, I wasn't prepared that it would happen before I had even moved my stuff up from Kentucky.
I wasn't prepared for the length of time it took from Nana having nothing by mouth, to her actually passing away.
I wasn't prepared to be on the phone looking for a new apartment in the morning, and standing with my family waiting for the funeral home guy to come the same afternoon.
It's during times like this that I am reminded that God gives us friends to be His hands and feet.
There is the friend I sent a late Saturday night message saying "hey I'm coming to your church tomorrow, where and what time is the service?" and who hugged me hard and let me cry when I burst into tears the moment I saw her, not knowing what on earth was going on.
She is the same friend who said "let me lend you my juicer so you have something familiar to you in all the chaos."
Her husband, the pastor, asked questions to make sure I had the spiritual support I needed being somewhere that I don't have a church family and made sure that I had their phone numbers so that he could be there if I needed them.
Then there was the friend, who said "yes the house is crowded with all your family crammed in waiting, come crash at my house."
That same friend and her husband danced around the kitchen as I got the phone call with the job offer and I felt like I was going to pass out. For all that my family is really excited, I don't know that they would have been able to dance around in unhindered celebration like my friends did.
There are the friends, fully aware of all that was going on and sent text messages saying "I'm praying about all this."
There are the friends who just sat there and listened, and kept filling my cup.
There is the friend who is taking care of her ailing grandfather and could relate.
I know God's timing is perfect, I recognize that had this all happened even a few weeks from now, I would not have been able to have the time available to be here the way my Aunt needed, to sit with Nana and feed her, to do the laundry and run the dishwasher, to make sure my Uncle got the meals he needed while she sat with Nana. My Uncle is on an extremely strict diet due to his severe health crisis almost 2 years ago.
I wouldn't want it any other way than how it happened, however it has been an extreme emotional roller coaster.
As much fun as I've had catching up with friends, eating at my cousin's restaurant, enjoying family...
the last 4 weeks have been extremely hard as well.
No matter how much you prepare yourself, when faced with watching someone you love slowly die, you can never fully prepare.
Every time I've seen Nana for about the last 3 years, I've worried that it would be the last. Every time my brother saw her, he would tell me I needed to come home soon to see her again.
When I arrived on Memorial Day, I was not prepared for Nana to call me Marcia.
I was prepared to start switching off with my Aunt spending time with her to give my Aunt a break.
I wasn't prepared that I would be the one to feed her the last thing she ate (coffee brandy ice cream from sully's) and for her to literally fall asleep between bites.
I wasn't prepared to have to tell my older brother that if he wanted to say goodbye, he needed to come immediately.
I wasn't prepared to take my older brother to see Nana, having been there just 2 days earlier and see the dramatic change as she wasted away.
I wasn't prepared to have to tell my younger brother that there was no way we would be able to set up skype and to hold the phone up near her head so he could say goodbye from California.
I wasn't prepared to have to call my parents and tell them not to drive back to Michigan from my Dad's boarding school reunion.
I wasn't prepared to have to interview for a job I really wanted and worry the whole time that I was missing phone calls telling me I needed to come back immediately. Fortunately God is sovereign and that is actually the job I ended up taking, there is no telling how ridiculously distracted I was throughout the 6 ish hour process. I used cruise control the whole way home so that I wouldn't speed, can't afford a ticket right now.
I wasn't prepared to be waiting for a phone call for a job offer for that job I really wanted, and a phone call saying Nana had taken her last breath on the same day.
I was prepared that Nana would die sometime in the first 6 months I was in New England, I wasn't prepared that it would happen before I had even moved my stuff up from Kentucky.
I wasn't prepared for the length of time it took from Nana having nothing by mouth, to her actually passing away.
I wasn't prepared to be on the phone looking for a new apartment in the morning, and standing with my family waiting for the funeral home guy to come the same afternoon.
It's during times like this that I am reminded that God gives us friends to be His hands and feet.
There is the friend I sent a late Saturday night message saying "hey I'm coming to your church tomorrow, where and what time is the service?" and who hugged me hard and let me cry when I burst into tears the moment I saw her, not knowing what on earth was going on.
She is the same friend who said "let me lend you my juicer so you have something familiar to you in all the chaos."
Her husband, the pastor, asked questions to make sure I had the spiritual support I needed being somewhere that I don't have a church family and made sure that I had their phone numbers so that he could be there if I needed them.
Then there was the friend, who said "yes the house is crowded with all your family crammed in waiting, come crash at my house."
That same friend and her husband danced around the kitchen as I got the phone call with the job offer and I felt like I was going to pass out. For all that my family is really excited, I don't know that they would have been able to dance around in unhindered celebration like my friends did.
There are the friends, fully aware of all that was going on and sent text messages saying "I'm praying about all this."
There are the friends who just sat there and listened, and kept filling my cup.
There is the friend who is taking care of her ailing grandfather and could relate.
I know God's timing is perfect, I recognize that had this all happened even a few weeks from now, I would not have been able to have the time available to be here the way my Aunt needed, to sit with Nana and feed her, to do the laundry and run the dishwasher, to make sure my Uncle got the meals he needed while she sat with Nana. My Uncle is on an extremely strict diet due to his severe health crisis almost 2 years ago.
I wouldn't want it any other way than how it happened, however it has been an extreme emotional roller coaster.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
A Few Good Men
I wrote this post about a week ago, then Nana's condition deteriorated quite rapidly. She passed away this week and in the midst of it all I didn't post this. But as I am revisiting it tonight, it still makes me smile, so I'm posting it anyway.
When I was visiting my friends in Pennsylvania on my drive up to New England, my friend Mike accidentally let it slip that he had arranged for his sister in law to come down and take care of the kids while he took his wife away for the upcoming weekend for their anniversary. It was awesome to see her reaction when she realized what he had done.
While I was riding around with my cousin, she was bragging about how her husband always makes sure her gas tank is filled up. Then she decided to stop and get some gas and didn't know which side of the car her tank is on, because, umm, well she rarely actually has to put gas in her car.
Last weekend while I was a hanging out with a friend, her husband was away at a men's retreat. He texted her to say that he had been really thinking about some things he needed to do to be a better husband and father and leader of their family. Later he called to pray with her before they went to bed.
About a year ago I wrote about how much man bashing bothers me.
I actually went on a personal campaign to be encourager to the single men in my life. It was quite funny to see the intial responses when I would send a message that said "hey I really appreciate the way you..." followed by something specific.
At first several of them didn't know how to take it. "What do you need?" was often the response.
"Nothing, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your pursuit of Godly character."
"Oh"
Lately I have been incredibly encouraged by the Godly men several friends have married, and reminded that there are good men out there.
But here's the other part of the story, I have been AMAZED as my friends have bragged on their husbands, and as I have watched them interact with their husbands.
When I say brag, I don't mean inocuous statements like "Steve is a great husband, I love how he loves our kids." I mean specifics, "I really appreciate Steve's commitment to study God's Word and pray with us as a family regularly"
My friends are not perfect, and neither are their husbands. But I definitely appreciate their commitment to love, honor, protect, lead their wives and families. And I definitely appreciate the wives commitment to serve, encourage, respect their husbands.
I love that they are honest about marriage, that they admit that it's not always easy. But I also love that they don't bash their husbands, and are quick to point out the great things about their husband's character.
It definitely gives this single girl hope.
When I was visiting my friends in Pennsylvania on my drive up to New England, my friend Mike accidentally let it slip that he had arranged for his sister in law to come down and take care of the kids while he took his wife away for the upcoming weekend for their anniversary. It was awesome to see her reaction when she realized what he had done.
While I was riding around with my cousin, she was bragging about how her husband always makes sure her gas tank is filled up. Then she decided to stop and get some gas and didn't know which side of the car her tank is on, because, umm, well she rarely actually has to put gas in her car.
Last weekend while I was a hanging out with a friend, her husband was away at a men's retreat. He texted her to say that he had been really thinking about some things he needed to do to be a better husband and father and leader of their family. Later he called to pray with her before they went to bed.
About a year ago I wrote about how much man bashing bothers me.
I actually went on a personal campaign to be encourager to the single men in my life. It was quite funny to see the intial responses when I would send a message that said "hey I really appreciate the way you..." followed by something specific.
At first several of them didn't know how to take it. "What do you need?" was often the response.
"Nothing, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your pursuit of Godly character."
"Oh"
Lately I have been incredibly encouraged by the Godly men several friends have married, and reminded that there are good men out there.
But here's the other part of the story, I have been AMAZED as my friends have bragged on their husbands, and as I have watched them interact with their husbands.
When I say brag, I don't mean inocuous statements like "Steve is a great husband, I love how he loves our kids." I mean specifics, "I really appreciate Steve's commitment to study God's Word and pray with us as a family regularly"
My friends are not perfect, and neither are their husbands. But I definitely appreciate their commitment to love, honor, protect, lead their wives and families. And I definitely appreciate the wives commitment to serve, encourage, respect their husbands.
I love that they are honest about marriage, that they admit that it's not always easy. But I also love that they don't bash their husbands, and are quick to point out the great things about their husband's character.
It definitely gives this single girl hope.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Romans 8:28 in real life
There are few times in my life where I have been this overwhelmed with God's faithfulness. Yesterday I accepted a new job offer. For just over a year I prayed, and others joined me.
I prayed that it would be within a 2 hour radius of my Aunt's house and close to other friends and family as well...
It's exactly 2 hours from my Aunt's house, the only place it's over 2 hours from is Arwen, and it's still not that far.
I prayed for a fall and spring sport assignment instead of a winter sport assignment so I would be able to be with family for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and also able to occasionally go up to the Christian camp which is dear to my heart for Snow Camps.
I was given a fall/spring sport assignment.
I prayed for a boss committed to life balance...
The first thing I was asked about during both my phone and face to face interview was how I achieved good life/ work balance because that is very important to them.
I prayed that God would meet my financial need, and that I wouldn't have to pull back from supporting friends in full-time ministry...
He answered this request in abundance.
I prayed for a location where there would be several decent churches to consider attending, in New England this is no small thing...
There are several on the list to check out.
I prayed for female coworkers...
I will have several.
I prayed for an opportunity to remain involved educating the next generation of athletic trainers...
I will be working at a school with a large, highly respected undergraduate athletic training program.
Then there are the things I didn't pray for...
A mountain with a running trail RIGHT NEXT TO CAMPUS
Being smack dab in between Boston and New York City
A start date that leaves me transitioning from one job to the next without any lapse in pay
Reimbursement for relocation costs
Amazing opportunities for continuing education...
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I prayed that it would be within a 2 hour radius of my Aunt's house and close to other friends and family as well...
It's exactly 2 hours from my Aunt's house, the only place it's over 2 hours from is Arwen, and it's still not that far.
I prayed for a fall and spring sport assignment instead of a winter sport assignment so I would be able to be with family for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and also able to occasionally go up to the Christian camp which is dear to my heart for Snow Camps.
I was given a fall/spring sport assignment.
I prayed for a boss committed to life balance...
The first thing I was asked about during both my phone and face to face interview was how I achieved good life/ work balance because that is very important to them.
I prayed that God would meet my financial need, and that I wouldn't have to pull back from supporting friends in full-time ministry...
He answered this request in abundance.
I prayed for a location where there would be several decent churches to consider attending, in New England this is no small thing...
There are several on the list to check out.
I prayed for female coworkers...
I will have several.
I prayed for an opportunity to remain involved educating the next generation of athletic trainers...
I will be working at a school with a large, highly respected undergraduate athletic training program.
Then there are the things I didn't pray for...
A mountain with a running trail RIGHT NEXT TO CAMPUS
Being smack dab in between Boston and New York City
A start date that leaves me transitioning from one job to the next without any lapse in pay
Reimbursement for relocation costs
Amazing opportunities for continuing education...
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Riding Around in Cars: Mom Friends and the Single Girl
Disclaimer: After posting this, I received much feedback, mostly from friends, some with kids, some without, who loved it, wanted to share it with their mom's group, etc... and a very small few who thought I was specifically talking about them or their group of friends. The reality is that I had no one specific in mind when I wrote this post other than the amazing mom friends I am thankful to have in my life. They are women from all sorts of walks of life, some work, some don't, some are planning on homeschooling, some are former public school teachers who aren't sure how they are going to educate their kids yet, some are family, some are college friends. I respect and value them all. I had recently read a blog post by a woman who was lamenting that after her recent marriage, her single friends had faded from her life. I commented that while it's true many single friends feel very awkward after their friends get married, she might consider whether or not she had stopped calling, returning phone calls, whether she was too busy every time they asked to get together etc... with her single friends. She hadn't thought of that and responded that it was true, she had stopped. Out of that and three days in a row of mom friends asking me to sit in the car with their kids, came this post. This is not in anyway a commentary on what makes a good mom or how people should or shouldn't raise their children
I've figured it out.
All my mom friends really want is to have someone sit in the car with their kids while they run into the store for a few quick things.
And that is fine with me.
That's when we take the crazy face photos.
Meanwhile their mom's run inside to grab a coffee, or snacks for Bible study tonight.
It's been an interesting ride with some moms in my life.
Some treated me like my singleness was a disease they might catch.Those were the mom friends who acted like they had it all together, wouldn't admit that life was hard, and were too proud to say "hey I just really want to order coffee without my kids screaming about donuts." Those people aren't friends anymore. I learned that those friendships were friendships of convenience, and it just wasn't convenient for them anymore.
Some said "yes I'd love to spend time with you, want to come over and help me take my kids to the park? I really need them to run around but am a little overwhelmed and would love an extra set of hands"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And then they asked "hey would you mind if we stopped at Dunkin Donuts and I ran inside while you stayed with the kids?"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And they said "hey do you want anything?"
And I said no "I grabbed my coffee on the way over, take your time, bask in the moment, read the whole menu if you want."
Memo to the mom friends, singleness is not a disease, you can't catch it, but your single friends would probably love to help you get the kids into their car seats, and sit in the car while you run in to grab 3 items at the grocery store, just for the opportunity to hang out with the friends they love, even though those friends are married and have kids.
I've been spending a bunch of time with mom friends lately, which means their kids have been telling me all the family secrets while they ran into the store.
Yesterday I learned that my cousin's husband poops. I mean I think I kind of, sort of knew that, but it was confirmed for me, while mom was in the store.
Want a litmus test mom friends? Here it is, if you are no longer friends with, or haven't seen your single friends in ages, stop to take a moment and think about why? Did you start telling them that you had a problem with your their singleness? Did you tell them you were too busy having play dates with all your mom friends? Did you forget how to talk about anything but poop, potty training, and freezer cooking?
I've heard a million times about how "single people are selfish" or "single people just don't understand" or "single people ..." fill in the blank, basically we are terrible moody selfish people. To be honest, that is true of some single people. But the rest of us would love to sit in the car with your kids if you would just give us the chance, just for an opportunity to serve you and to talk with you, and spend time with you.
I am so thankful for the mom friends who have been willing to take the time to remain friends, and who haven't become so wrapped up in being a mom that they have lost sight of who God created them to be. Being a mom does change you, that is true, but it doesn't mean you have to cut out all the people who aren't at that stage of life. God didn't call you to be a mom, He called you to be a godly woman, no matter what stage of life you are in. Those people who aren't in the same stage of life as you might in fact enrich your life, if you would let them. And you and your kids have the opportunity to enrich their lives, if you would just take it.
I've figured it out.
All my mom friends really want is to have someone sit in the car with their kids while they run into the store for a few quick things.
And that is fine with me.
That's when we take the crazy face photos.
Meanwhile their mom's run inside to grab a coffee, or snacks for Bible study tonight.
It's been an interesting ride with some moms in my life.
Some treated me like my singleness was a disease they might catch.Those were the mom friends who acted like they had it all together, wouldn't admit that life was hard, and were too proud to say "hey I just really want to order coffee without my kids screaming about donuts." Those people aren't friends anymore. I learned that those friendships were friendships of convenience, and it just wasn't convenient for them anymore.
Some said "yes I'd love to spend time with you, want to come over and help me take my kids to the park? I really need them to run around but am a little overwhelmed and would love an extra set of hands"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And then they asked "hey would you mind if we stopped at Dunkin Donuts and I ran inside while you stayed with the kids?"
And I said "yes I'd love to."
And they said "hey do you want anything?"
And I said no "I grabbed my coffee on the way over, take your time, bask in the moment, read the whole menu if you want."
Memo to the mom friends, singleness is not a disease, you can't catch it, but your single friends would probably love to help you get the kids into their car seats, and sit in the car while you run in to grab 3 items at the grocery store, just for the opportunity to hang out with the friends they love, even though those friends are married and have kids.
I've been spending a bunch of time with mom friends lately, which means their kids have been telling me all the family secrets while they ran into the store.
Yesterday I learned that my cousin's husband poops. I mean I think I kind of, sort of knew that, but it was confirmed for me, while mom was in the store.
Want a litmus test mom friends? Here it is, if you are no longer friends with, or haven't seen your single friends in ages, stop to take a moment and think about why? Did you start telling them that you had a problem with your their singleness? Did you tell them you were too busy having play dates with all your mom friends? Did you forget how to talk about anything but poop, potty training, and freezer cooking?
I've heard a million times about how "single people are selfish" or "single people just don't understand" or "single people ..." fill in the blank, basically we are terrible moody selfish people. To be honest, that is true of some single people. But the rest of us would love to sit in the car with your kids if you would just give us the chance, just for an opportunity to serve you and to talk with you, and spend time with you.
I am so thankful for the mom friends who have been willing to take the time to remain friends, and who haven't become so wrapped up in being a mom that they have lost sight of who God created them to be. Being a mom does change you, that is true, but it doesn't mean you have to cut out all the people who aren't at that stage of life. God didn't call you to be a mom, He called you to be a godly woman, no matter what stage of life you are in. Those people who aren't in the same stage of life as you might in fact enrich your life, if you would let them. And you and your kids have the opportunity to enrich their lives, if you would just take it.
Saturday, June 09, 2012
Rally the troops, she is living a good story!
Sometimes I think my spiritual gifts include story collecting.
Anyway this isn't about me, I'm excited to tell you this story.
I've known my friend, for now we will call her MaeBob, since the summer of 2000, she was one of my bosses at the Christian camp we both worked at.
MaeBob was in her 30s at the time, and working toward a second degree in education. She had a great desire to be a wife and a mom. That hasn't happened in her life, until now, sort of.
MaeBob is an elementary school teacher, she has chosen to teach at a small Christian school, she makes very little money. But she loves kids and sees her job as ministry, the way we all should.
Recently, through a series of events, only explainable by saying they were clearly orchestrated by God, MaeBob is in the process of becoming the guardian of an abandoned little girl.
MaeBob wasn't pursuing this, she wasn't trying to be a foster parent, she wasn't looking into adoption, she was approached by someone at her church, and she said yes.
She said yes to this little less than 2 yearold child, and she said "Yes God, I take Your Word seriously. I will trust You."
On Monday when I heard about these events unfolding in my friend's life, I was so excited and overwhelmed I got a little teary eyed. I've known MaeBob for 12 years, I know this isn't the way she imagined becoming a mom, but wow.
We don't know how long this little one will be in MaeBob's care, we don't know if MaeBob will be her forever family, or if this is for a season.
What I did know on Monday is that MaeBob's income is very small, this child came to her with nothing but the contents of her meager diaper bag.
When my friends have gotten married and had babies, we've thrown parties, showered them with the "things" they would "need" for the journey. To be totally honest, anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not a huge shower fan, I think they tend to be extremely shallow and vain.
But this time I knew, I knew we had to do it and we had to do it fast.
So with the help of Arwen, and her sister Bethany we rallied the troops. We decided an impromptu shower was not a good idea, it was necessary.
Arwen sent out a message to her church, which her sister in law Melissa sent to her MOPS group.
Can we just say "Holy Wow God's people, just WOW"
One woman in Mellisa's group is in the process of moving, she already had a pile of goods to get rid of, and this woman's children are adopted, she has a special place in her heart for orphans. Other moms contributed too, expensive strollers, ride around toys, clothes, sippy cups.... IN 24 HOURS, 24 HOURS.
Friday night when we were hanging out with our friend Diane, who has many mutual friends of MaeBob's and we told her the story, she said hold on, walked upstairs to the room where her daughter was sleeping, and brought down some gifts, she said "here, I've never used these, add them to the gifts."
Our friend Lauren, who has never met MaeBob said, stop by on your way, I have a flexible flier tricycle.
Let me also just say that these are mostly women who don't know MaeBob, have never met her.
Bethany drove around and collected goods. Arwen called MaeBob's house, which is more like a duplex where she lives on one side with her mom, and where her sister, brother in law and niece and nephew live on the other side. We invited ourselves over on Saturday. We decided that with all the changes going on in MaeBob's life, the last thing we wanted to do was make life complicated, and we had collected a ton of stuff.
I went and got flowers and cake, cut veggies and made dip.
And we showed up.
and we got to love on this adorable kid.
Arwen put her social working skills to good work, sifting through the paper work and explaining it to MaeBob so she fully understands it all.
MaeBob's BFF Karen showed up with some more stuff.
We sat around visiting and talking, and encouraging MaeBob. She did admit wondering how on earth she was going to manage this, how was she going to afford it, how was she going to afford childcare while she goes to work. We reminded her that she has a pretty big village, we will all be with her through this.
As we drove home, Arwen commented that this was the best gift giving experience of her life. I couldn't agree more. Way to go body of Christ, and keep it up. Please please pray for MaeBob and little Miss.
Anyway this isn't about me, I'm excited to tell you this story.
I've known my friend, for now we will call her MaeBob, since the summer of 2000, she was one of my bosses at the Christian camp we both worked at.
MaeBob was in her 30s at the time, and working toward a second degree in education. She had a great desire to be a wife and a mom. That hasn't happened in her life, until now, sort of.
MaeBob is an elementary school teacher, she has chosen to teach at a small Christian school, she makes very little money. But she loves kids and sees her job as ministry, the way we all should.
Recently, through a series of events, only explainable by saying they were clearly orchestrated by God, MaeBob is in the process of becoming the guardian of an abandoned little girl.
MaeBob wasn't pursuing this, she wasn't trying to be a foster parent, she wasn't looking into adoption, she was approached by someone at her church, and she said yes.
She said yes to this little less than 2 yearold child, and she said "Yes God, I take Your Word seriously. I will trust You."
On Monday when I heard about these events unfolding in my friend's life, I was so excited and overwhelmed I got a little teary eyed. I've known MaeBob for 12 years, I know this isn't the way she imagined becoming a mom, but wow.
We don't know how long this little one will be in MaeBob's care, we don't know if MaeBob will be her forever family, or if this is for a season.
What I did know on Monday is that MaeBob's income is very small, this child came to her with nothing but the contents of her meager diaper bag.
When my friends have gotten married and had babies, we've thrown parties, showered them with the "things" they would "need" for the journey. To be totally honest, anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not a huge shower fan, I think they tend to be extremely shallow and vain.
But this time I knew, I knew we had to do it and we had to do it fast.
So with the help of Arwen, and her sister Bethany we rallied the troops. We decided an impromptu shower was not a good idea, it was necessary.
Arwen sent out a message to her church, which her sister in law Melissa sent to her MOPS group.
Can we just say "Holy Wow God's people, just WOW"
One woman in Mellisa's group is in the process of moving, she already had a pile of goods to get rid of, and this woman's children are adopted, she has a special place in her heart for orphans. Other moms contributed too, expensive strollers, ride around toys, clothes, sippy cups.... IN 24 HOURS, 24 HOURS.
Friday night when we were hanging out with our friend Diane, who has many mutual friends of MaeBob's and we told her the story, she said hold on, walked upstairs to the room where her daughter was sleeping, and brought down some gifts, she said "here, I've never used these, add them to the gifts."
Our friend Lauren, who has never met MaeBob said, stop by on your way, I have a flexible flier tricycle.
Let me also just say that these are mostly women who don't know MaeBob, have never met her.
Bethany drove around and collected goods. Arwen called MaeBob's house, which is more like a duplex where she lives on one side with her mom, and where her sister, brother in law and niece and nephew live on the other side. We invited ourselves over on Saturday. We decided that with all the changes going on in MaeBob's life, the last thing we wanted to do was make life complicated, and we had collected a ton of stuff.
I went and got flowers and cake, cut veggies and made dip.
And we showed up.
And bags of clothes were opened.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)